Bf has a lower sex drive

[ElektraLOL]

I'm 38 and my partner is 50. I have a very high sex drive. I'm sure he does fancy me and he says I'm gorgeous but he also says his sex drive has dropped a bit as he's got older. He seems to be happy to have sex about once a month which isn't enough for me. We live an hour apart so that doesn't help. Then when we do have sex he seems very excited, comes quickly and then he's too tired to do it again.

I really find him very attractive- he's gorgeous in fact. I'm wondering whether we are mismatched though?

How long have you been together?

What are his fitness levels like? Is he overweight? Its a lot easier to err,,inflame a physically fit man than one that is heading the opposite way.

He seems to be happy to have sex about once a month which isn't enough for me.

You either come to accept it, agree that you're allowed to get extra sex outside the relationship or call it off.

I wouldn't manage with that. Are you committed to being monogamous with him?

Yes definitely committed to monogamy. Been together about a year. He will seem very into it at the time but he can't last long so I'm just left feeling quite frustrated :(

He's not slim but doesn't go to the gym or anything.

Well, your options are to accept it, negotiate having sex on the side or break up with him. It sucks but it's not likely to change.

Sorry I meant to say he is slim but doesn't go to the gym

What Barbara said.

If this is only after 1 year in the 'honeymoon period' how often will it be after dating him 2 years, 5 years etc? Probably a heck of a lot less. He isn't going to suddenly morph into a rampant sex god, once a month is the best he can do. The sheer frustration would end it for me.

Have you tried talking to him about it? Saying how attracted to him you are and that you’d like to be more intimate, and that you get frustrated if you don’t have it regularly? (My partner gets frustrated if he doesn’t have it regularly)

I have but he's a hypochondriac and he seems to think having sex will cause a heart attack. So it's never very spontaneous.

You sound mismatched and it will only make you miserable

Well, you're obviously mismatched. Personally it would end it for me. He's happy the way he is, and you need more.

Is there lots of foreplay? Can he not lengthen it out and satisfy you more that way?

What barbara said. Why sell yourself so short? You'll be bored and frustrated for the rest of your life, and you only live once. Life is way, way too short for shit sex. You're incompatible.

Is there foreplay? Do you get to have much fun when you do have sex? Doesn’t sound like it?

‘He’s a hypochondriac and seems to think having sex will cause a heart attack’

Oh dear Lord. I’m afraid this would kill it for me. I would want someone with a bit more joie de vivre than this.

Sorry OP.

Umm
He's basically an old man isn't he? I mean he shouldn't be, at 50, but he's acting like one. I'm your age and I'm absolutely in my sexual prime!

What a weird attitude re the heart attack unless he has health problems. A lot of men of 50 have a very healthy sex drive.

Other than sex what do you want out of this relationship, if anything?

I don't only want sex obviously. But since I have a high sex drive I like a reasonable amount of sex in a relationship.

He doesn't look old at all - he's very youthful looking. I don't understand it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe he has never been that into sex. Being fit, young looking and attractive has no bearing.

Also lots of peoples sex drives drop off in their late 40’s onwards though once a month is a bit crap. How much would you like?

Unsatisfying sex 12 times a year for the rest of your life (probably less once the honeymoon period is over)..

Well I would like every day but I'd be happy with 2-3 times a week.

Just a thought. If it was more mutually satisfying do you think he might want it more? Does he want to change anything? More spontaneity?

If not, then maybe you are mismatched. Sad if you find each other very attractive.

It's probably me who wants more spontaneity 🤣 yes we are very attracted to each other. He has some health problems that are not his fault at all. He sometimes seems to be anxious about having sex. He's funny about me using a vibrator etc.