Bf has a lower sex drive

[ElektraLOL]

I'm 38 and my partner is 50. I have a very high sex drive. I'm sure he does fancy me and he says I'm gorgeous but he also says his sex drive has dropped a bit as he's got older. He seems to be happy to have sex about once a month which isn't enough for me. We live an hour apart so that doesn't help. Then when we do have sex he seems very excited, comes quickly and then he's too tired to do it again.

I really find him very attractive- he's gorgeous in fact. I'm wondering whether we are mismatched though?

Thinking about it, he is more into sex than he was in the beginning (took me 2 months to get him into bed in the first place because he 'wasn't ready') so now he's a bit more keen than he used to be but it's still not really enough.

He's funny about you using a vibrator?

Jesus woman is any relationship worth this?

He clearly has bigger issues around sex than just having a low sex drive if he is funny about you using vibrators.

Yes he thinks me using a vibrator will negatively impact our relationship.

The ratio is too high - ideally you'd like 30 times as much sex, and would be happy with 12 times as much. That's never going to happen.

Haha DJ

elektra I am sorry but your relationship in the physical sense sounds very unsatisfying to you and unlikely to change. He is happy with once a month (this is the honeymoon phase remember) and you would be happy with 2-3 times a week. I can't even see how you can meet in the middle. Even what you describe when you do have sex sounds disappointing.

Why would using a vibrator negatively impact your relationship? He sounds like a prude.

Agree with notanotman...

Im a similar age but am athletic reasonably fit and err...have no problems keeping up..

He is being controlling, he knows that you're sexually dissatisfied and thinks he can tell you not to masturbate
tell him to get to fuck

these should be sexually the best years of your life
you could be rampant and having a whale of the time but you shackled yourself to this old man who even in the honeymoon phase only wants sex once a month
you're just going to end up really really angry and frustrated

The vibrator will negatively affect his sense of ownership and control

You should be out there enjoying yourself but instead you wasted 2 months trying to coax him into bed!
This is all about his ego, how powerful and important he feels

12 years older... it'll end up going down to once in 2 months soon.

He's not your typical 50 year old man.

IMO I think if the relationship is going well (sex aside) then stick with it. Sex isnt everything, if you love each other.

I find some of the comments here quite callous, and one of my bugbears with these types of posts in when us girls complain about lack and sex and the replies are 'leave him', 'lifes too short for crap sex' etc, but if a guy posts on here about lack of sex life hes treated like a selfish git! Ive had periods of low sex drive, mainly hormones, and tiredness with the kids, if my DH complained about lack of sex and had people telling me to finish with me because of this I'd be mortified and from older posts Id get a lot of support on here telling me he's being a selfish sod, so why do we think its ok to tell his girl to leave her partner because he's (shock horror) older and doesnt want as much sex? Sometimes MN really brings out the worst in a lot of people. Sex in a partnership is either a big deal, big enough to be told to leave that said partner, or its not. We cant have it one way for us girls and one way for the guys. Like I said if my DH threatened to leave me when I didnt want sex as much as he did, I'd tell him where to go! Some of the comments here out bang out of order. Lecture over!

Marycornish, this is a pretty new relationship. It's one thing to have dry periods and times when a partner is less interested in sex when you're longterm committed to each other - it's quite another to have wholly mismatched libidos from the get-go.

They aren't living together, they aren't married: I wouldn't advise someone continue a relationship and become more entwined when there's a big incompatibility staring them in the face from the start.

Mary don't be ridiculous this is hardly the same as sex life ebb and flow in a long term relationship

It's fine for anyone to want passionate, regular sex in a relationship and it's fine for men or women to end a relationship because they aren't sexually compatible.