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Original poster

Did you celebrate your 40th?

58 replies

Leftylooseyrightytighty · 04/12/2018 23:15

I guess I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. My 40th came and went and it made me feel that I'm not very important to anyone.

I got a card from my other half and one from the kids and that was that. We generally don't do presents, so I guess I can't grumble about that to be fair.

I got up, went to work, had a bit of a crap day, came home, went to bed - just like an ordinary day.

Didn't get a text or card from any friends, no invites out or suggestions of doing something.

It just left me feeling a bit flat when it 'seems' so many people do something special for their 40th.

Anyone else experienced this, or am I over thinking and just need to give myself a slap?

OP posts:
TwoLads · 04/12/2018 23:23

You have to take some responsibility for having a crap day I'm afraid.

You and your DP don't do presents - so you didn't get any.

You went to work - why didn't you do something nice ? Maybe get dp to take the day off too and do something?

You say no one invited you to anything - it's your birthday, why didn't you do anything like a party/dinner and invite people yourself?

It sounds like birthdays are not a big thing for you and now you're disappointed.

But it's not too late - why don't you and dp do something nice? Organise to see friends?

I like birthdays, and I like celebrating mine and my friends and boyfriend. But it doesn't just magically happen.

maximumcarnage · 04/12/2018 23:24

Belated happy 40th birthday. I've not his my 40th yet but being I never celebrate my birthday and don't tell anyone I'm not sure I'm terribly qualified to comment.

Still, it does sound like it was a lacklustre affair. Might I suggest on your next birthday, rather than praying to the birthday gods for lots of well wishes you instead try something else. Why not book the day off work? Have a family day out instead. Or go somewhere with friends. Perhaps a holiday somewhere? It's one day in the year which marks your existence. That one day you celebrate being you. I say spoil yourself.

TwoLads · 04/12/2018 23:24

ps though - happy fucking birthday!!! 😁😁😁

Justmuddlingalong · 04/12/2018 23:26

I booked a beautiful hotel for a 4 night city break. I even invited DP along! Didn't want a party and DP's not the best a surprises so I decided to sort it myself.

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 04/12/2018 23:32

Happy Birthday!
I am a massive introvert and would hate the big party idea. However I’ve just had my 40th - i booked the day off, ordered special chocolates and wine in the supermarket shop that week, my OH took DC out for the day, and i spent the whole day reading, napping, scoffing and generally pottering at anything i fancied which DC don’t usually allow me to do. It was the best!

My point is that (although OH and DC brought me lovely random things) i planned the day to be lovely for me even if they hadn’t so that i knew i couldn’t be disappointed on the day Smile

jocktamsonsbairn · 04/12/2018 23:36

I'ma single parent and IRC's used a great big party for my 40th! It was ana I got, exactly what I wanted - a big party with all my family and friends, I didn't bother with a cake but no one noticed or cared - my mum had one for me for my actual birthday. It is what you make it!

Adversecamber22 · 05/12/2018 00:58

Belated happy birthday .

I had some friends and their dc round, I then went out for cocktails with women friends while DH babysat. He paid for me to attend a wedding in the USA a week later.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 05/12/2018 01:24

I was 5 months pregnant with dd so wasn’t up to partying when it was my 40th, birthday tea and cake at home with my then 2 &4 year old sons.

Time40 · 05/12/2018 01:26

I did. I had a very expensive party, so expensive that I never dared to add up what it had actually cost. It was themed, and took a lot of organising - I worked on it for a couple of weeks. It was a great party, and people are still talking about it years later - but the thing is, OP, I had to do all that work, and I had to pay for it. If I hadn't made the effort, nothing would have happened. So I think, OP, if you want to feel special, sometimes you have to make it clear to your friends and family that you want to feel special on that day. My friends actually did make me feel special, and they did that by turning out on a weekday night and coming to the party - and they bought me some nice presents, too. I'm sure I wouldn't have been given presents by all my friends if they hadn't been seeing me that day.

Butterflycookie · 05/12/2018 01:28

Happy Birthday!

Don’t worry you still have time to celebrate! Organise a weekend away with your family...as it’s December everywhere is very Christmassy aswell. Tell your partner that you want to celebrate your birthday and even if it means bringing your own cake then do so!

As for friends, they could have forgotten? Tell them that you want to go for drinks or a day out somewhere like a spa for your 40th birthday, they might all then start to make a fuss.

If you want to celebrate your birthday then you’re going to have to do the work- be the one to arrange going out, get your cake etc. However that doesn’t always work- once I wanted to celebrate a milestone birthday. Even when I suggested going out with my friends for they weren’t even interested- was even going to pay for their meal and everything!

But anyway if you tell your partner how you’re feeling I’m sure they will arrange to do something with you Smile

CarlsRightEye · 05/12/2018 01:31

It's not too late! Sort a night out, invite your mates xx happy 40th

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 05/12/2018 07:51

I agree with other posters - you can’t arrange nothing and then expect something great to happen. You have to put effort in - birthday parties/ or dinners out/ or meet ups with family and friends all take organising and work if they are to happen and be successful.
I love an excuse for a party so I had one for my 40th at home, we did all the food, my eldest son was ‘barman’,and we did the music ourselves and it was a great night. Went on until the early hours - invited the neighbours so no complaints about noise. Also did one ten years later for my 50th although that was less ‘wild’.
Maybe you could think about hosting a belated party if you feel you’ve missed out.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 05/12/2018 07:55

Happy 40th! Yes I had a party and lots of mini breaks etc but I organised and paid for the party myself. Some trips away were organised for me but I also organised some.

I'd say host a belated party

EmpressAdultHumanFemale · 05/12/2018 07:55

No, because I was still with my ex.

Every birthday since my 40th, on the other hand, has been terrific because I've got out & done something I wanted to do.

Valasca · 05/12/2018 07:59

Most people plan their own events for birthdays, rather than wait for their family or friends to organise something for them.

What are you planning to do on your 41st? That’s when the reality of “oh shit, I’m getting old” really hit me Grin

Euamoonatal · 05/12/2018 08:02

No I didn't as I was really depressed about turning 40. We were in a terrible place financially so couldn't afford to do anything but (6 years on) I am sorry that I was so unwelcoming to my 40's as they have given me the best present ever - I have discovered a wonderful confidence and a lack of caring what anyone thinks. It is so liberating. The financial situation is slowly improving too.

But before I had that 😨 about being 40 I always said I would celebrate loudly turning 40 when I was 45. That way I would stay 5 years younger 🤣. Now I really couldn't give a damn what anyone thinks of me, age or otherwise, but there's nothing to stop you making a big deal,of the next birthday (or subsequent ones) as your 40th 🎉!

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 05/12/2018 08:07

We are going on a expensive holiday abroad with ds for our joint birthdays in 2020.We aren't thrilled that we'll be 40 so this will ease the pain! I'm the type to make sure a celebration happens though.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 05/12/2018 08:45

I turned 40 in October. My girlfriend got pregnant in July.

To be honest there's nobody in the world I enjoy partying with more than her, so despite having always assumed I'd have a big party, I had no real desire for it. We had a meal at the restaurant where we had our first date and that was about it. I didn't have a drink.

She'd actually booked us into an Escape Room designed for two people the next day - like she said, she had to find something not involving alcohol that a pregnant woman could take part in. It was thoughtful and a lot of fun.

But three years ago I'd basically given up on ever having children, so can't really say I would have had any greater wish than a pregnant partner anyway :)

hellsbellsmelons · 05/12/2018 09:05

Ahhhh bless you OP.
For my 40th, I was abroad for a long weekend with ExH and BIL and SIL.
Then we went out for 'dinner' and there was a big surprise.
Loads of family and friends had made the trip abroad to celebrate with me.

My 50th was great as well. Another surprise party with a live band and people had travelled far and wide to celebrate with me.
We make a big deal of birthdays though.

I'm sorry yours was shite OP.
I don't really know what to say except for........
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Treat yourself if you can.

DiscontinuedModelHusband · 05/12/2018 09:10

it's my 40th tomorrow!

i really didn't want a massive fuss, or big party.
we're having a meal with my family (DPs, DSis, PIL etc) somewhere a bit posher than we might normally go, and that's plenty enough for me! (however, i did book this myself)

hoping for some nice presents though!

then in 2 weeks i'm having a night out with some friends who are also all 40 over the next month or so.

as PPs have said - if you wanted something, you either needed to sort yourself, or have flat-out asked for dropped big enough hints about something. people aren't generally mind-readers.

Loopytiles · 05/12/2018 09:16

Everyone I know who has had any kind of birthday celebration has organised it, or asked their DP to do it well in advance.

Do you send friends cards on their birthdays?

For a “decade” birthday it seems a bit off of your DP to do nothing at all other than a card. Eg flowers, nice meal or something.

Cawfee · 05/12/2018 09:16

I’m sorry OP but you have to make the effort. A party doesn’t organise itself. I had a 40th party but I booked and organised everything 6 months in advance. I paid for everybody’s drinks all night too which guaranteed people would turn up as so many can’t afford to go out these days. All in all it cost me about £2,000. I also went away on holiday so on my 40th I was stood on a tropical beach all day. I organised, booked and paid for that too. You could have booked the day off work and booked yourself into a nice hotel for a spa day with treatments. You aren’t the Queen so nobody’s going to do that shit for you. It doesn’t work that way.

ChairinSage · 05/12/2018 09:19

I was away on a course for my actual 40th, so I didn't celebrate at all. The week after I arranged to go out for afternoon tea with DH and DD. I've had my expectations managed over the years and knew that if i didn't arrange it, nothing would happen. Even though I arranged a nice weekend for DH when he was 40 a few years ago...

hellsbellsmelons · 05/12/2018 09:22

I'm taken aback that you all had to organise your own.
Both of mine were total surprises.
I had literally, no idea at all about them.
And everyone knows that I HATE surprises.
But both occasions were absolutely fab and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

JillGoodacre · 05/12/2018 09:24

The day itself was pretty standard as we were working. Went out for dinner and bought myself a few bits. Then had a nice weekend just eating out with different friends and gaffing about, and the weekend after DH had arranged for me to go away on a girls weekend. Nothing OTT.

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