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Original poster

Did you celebrate your 40th?

58 replies

Leftylooseyrightytighty · 04/12/2018 23:15

I guess I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. My 40th came and went and it made me feel that I'm not very important to anyone.

I got a card from my other half and one from the kids and that was that. We generally don't do presents, so I guess I can't grumble about that to be fair.

I got up, went to work, had a bit of a crap day, came home, went to bed - just like an ordinary day.

Didn't get a text or card from any friends, no invites out or suggestions of doing something.

It just left me feeling a bit flat when it 'seems' so many people do something special for their 40th.

Anyone else experienced this, or am I over thinking and just need to give myself a slap?

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 05/12/2018 09:28

Happy belated 40th.

It was mine in the summer and despite being 6 months into the break up of my marriage, I booked a barn conversion for a weekend and me and 7 friends went there. Hot tub, love and laughs...it was perfect.

My friends all also turned 40 last year and they all either had parties or nights out, etc but all organised themselves.

Although unlucky in love I am very lucky in friends and family so I did get lots of cards/messages/calls and some lovely presents.

I do think it's shame no-one made a fuss of you but I also agree that you need to make your own fuss if you want it.

christmasisuponus · 05/12/2018 09:30

I was 8 months pregnant on my 40th birthday but I still had a party and watched everyone getting pissed whilst I waddled about cleaning up, not ideal I know but at least I didn't have a hangover. Happy belated birthday 🎂 x

Oblomov18 · 05/12/2018 09:41

I'm afraid there is no one responsible here but yourself. You seem surprised. What did you expect? How do you think these things happen?

I've been to 6 x 40th's in the last few years. Varying degrees of hype - Huge boat party, that Actually took a minimum organising, through to mine, quite low key, 12 friends in a Greek restaurant.

But all of these would've taken the decision - by the person / a person : their husband or friends making a suggestion :

i.e. "OP, in a few months... it's your/my 40th ... was just considering options "

You have to think - I will celebrate this. or I won't celebrate.

so this was your choice?

Bonkerz · 05/12/2018 09:43

Be more pro active. I booked a butlins adult weekend with 10 friends. They then organised lots of surprises for me.
On my 40th I booked a table and had 22 friends for a meal.
Hubby wasn't involved at all!

ArkAtEee · 05/12/2018 09:46

Happy birthday Smile

I had a spa day with friends then a BBQ at home. I organized the spa, DP the BBQ.

ArkAtEee · 05/12/2018 09:47

I think you have to make it happen for yourself, at our age most people are too busy to organise something on spec.

Oblomov18 · 05/12/2018 09:52

There's still time. What are you waiting for? Invite people over, to your house for a few drinks?

Or book a table. It literally takes a few minutes to arrange a get-to-gether.

howonearthdoyoucopewith3 · 05/12/2018 09:56

I agree with others that you have to take the initiative with these things. I did a few separate celebrations with different groups of friends rather than one big party and I don't really like big parties. It was initiated by me though. My DH organized a dinner with my family and is taking me away for a city break, but he is very good at surprises. One nice idea which a lot of people seem to do is go away on a girls' break in the year that several of you turn 40.
As others say, it's not too late to plan! I guess some people may think you are having a party and haven't invited them! I made sure people knew I wasn't having a big 40th in case people thought I was and hadn't invited them!

Cooloncraze · 05/12/2018 09:57

Agree with the other posters that YOU have to make it special.

I celebrated my 40th with a really great party but I saved for a year and it took so much planning. It was worth it (everyone loved it but importantly it was what I wanted) but certainly, noone else was going to organise it for me... and I wouldn’t expect them to.

Happy birthday. Continue to celebrate until your 41st... Journalist Sali Hughes said she did one fabulous thing each month in her 40th year with a friend... sounds great

Aussiebean · 05/12/2018 10:16

My sister in law had a big party. My bro decided he wanted to have a big family trip to a different city.

My neighbour decided she was going to a resort based on her own wants, not based on the best kids entertainment package.

I have told my hubby I want to do the honeymoon we never got around to. Which probably won’t happen on the day, but a few months after. I am happy to have my birthday gone on for a few months.

If you have always done low key and didn’t express any desire to do differently, then you got what you always got. But that doesn’t mean your 41st birthday can’t be what you wanted.

Musti · 05/12/2018 10:18

I organised my party. It was at home and I was pregnant. Most people I know organise their parties or ask someone to organise it for them (or at least the women do). Why don't you message your friends and see if anyone wants to go out and celebrate it this weekend (bearing in mind that a lot of people will have Christmas stuff on though) . Happy birthday op!

RagingWhoreBag · 05/12/2018 10:23

Oh that’s a bit shit, sorry. Happy belated 40th FlowersCakeBear

My DP did treat me but he’s pretty good with gifts etc. He doesn’t see the point of cards but usually gets me one because I like them.

To be fair I didn’t really celebrate with anyone else, had cake and tea with family and my DCs got me some gifts (with help from their dad). Certainly didn’t want a big party but would have been upset not to have been acknowledged at all.

Has your Dp had his 40th yet? If so did you make a big fuss of him?

Dorydefender2014 · 05/12/2018 10:41

I spent mine heavily pregnant at home. Madam decided to arrive in the early hours the next day by emergency c section. What a birthday present. All be it a few hours late. Grin

mogratpineapple · 05/12/2018 10:43

I'd not long had a baby so was happy to have a take-away and early night! At 50 though, I got cards but binned all the ones with 50 on. SO depressing. Doubt I'll celebrate another birthday ever again

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 05/12/2018 10:44

I had an awesome 40th

My friends still talk about it and im 49 now

But i arranged every single thing by myself...

My 73 year old dad still complains about his 40th because no one did anything for him

Have a fabulous 41st (and tell everyone you are 40 Grin)

paap1975 · 05/12/2018 10:53

My mother (narcisist) ruined DH's plans for mine. DH had booked a lovely restaurant I really wanted to go to. She made a hug fuss that my DB couldn't be there if we did it then (evening). So DH made a booking at a different restaurant for lunchime (original restaurant wasn't open at lunchtime).

Not only did DB not turn up, but the restaurant (one we go to regularly) got everyone's order right except mine. DH was rather upset about it all.

I was oblivious to what my mother had been doing or I would have put my foot down.

We're going away for DH's upcoming significant birthday!

gunge · 05/12/2018 11:21

I'm 40 soon. I agree you have to be clear about what you'd like, budget etc.
I don't want a party. I find birthdays hard due to loss and a difficult childhood. My own mum never made it to 40.
However I have a lovely DH who is my best friend and we desperately need time away from the kids as it's been a tough few months.
We are saving for a couple of nights away and have organised childcare. We've asked family to look after the kids instead of a present. I can't wait.
I might also have a small quiet dinner with a few close friends.

Kristingle · 05/12/2018 11:28

Can I just ask - do men all arrange their own birthday parties / meals out/ weekends away ?

All the posters who have done fabulous things on their own birthday - what do your partners arrange for their own birthdays ?

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 05/12/2018 11:43

kristingle

He doesn't do anything because he doesn't want to do anything...he might book the pub for an evening meal

He doesn't even want cake

I make him have cake because i like cake

Angelinthenight · 05/12/2018 12:24

Im 40 next year, i may just go for a family meal, i dont want a fussy im not a birthday kinda person x

Katgurl · 05/12/2018 13:06

Awh that's a shame. I enjoy celebrating my birthday but I always organise something myself. I turned 40 this year and was very unexpectedly pregnant so my first sober birthday in decades. Book someplace nice for lunch or dinner, get your hair done and invite some friends.

Gorbie · 05/12/2018 14:09

I was 40 back in may, I just took it on myself organise it myself. My husband had asked several times what I wanted to do but I was 36 weeks pregnant and didn't want to do much, do I just had a few friends and family round for a BBQ. Nothing terribly exciting but I enjoyed it!
As others have said if you want to do something just sort it yourself!

RagingWhoreBag · 05/12/2018 14:24

Kristingle mine had two week long holidays, one with me before his bday and one with his family over the actual day (I was invited but couldn’t make it). He paid for both himself, as he earns 10x my salary, but I did all the research for ours and booked some nice things to do while we were there.

LoubyLou1234 · 05/12/2018 14:40

I'm 40 next year as is my partner. We are already making plans, time booked off. Holidays. Thinking about a friends night out and seeing family too ( some long distance) no big party tho. That's not me at all.

I see this as my doing, I want a little celebration and can combine it to catch up with people and have fun. Maybe you could of booked the day off, asked people to do something even if just a gathering at home? Friends, family may have assumed you didn't want much fuss as you didn't arrange anything. Some people are happy to see birthdays go under the radar.

Lizzie48 · 05/12/2018 14:55

I have discovered a wonderful confidence and a lack of caring what anyone thinks. It is so liberating.

That is so true, since being in my 40s I haven't worried about appearing 'cool'. I happily listen to Classic FM and don't care if it makes me sound middle-aged, because for one thing I know I am anyway, and for another it means that I know my own mind.

DH and I did celebrate our 40th birthdays with big parties and I plan to do something special for my 50th next year. But these things need to be planned, they don't just happen.

OP, I suggest that you and your OH belatedly go away for a special weekend together to celebrate. It's definitely not too late.

And happy birthday! Thanks

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