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Original poster

If your DH wanted to donate sperm how would you feel?

84 replies

Spider · 23/06/2007 14:54

Numbers of sperm donors have plummetted aparently, since they lost the right to be anonymous.

So if your dh wanted to donate sperm to couples who wanted children but needed sperm, would you have any problem with that?

If so what?

I have a good reason for asking but I'm off to pick up the kids now and will check back with interest.

OP posts:
FioFio · 23/06/2007 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DumbledoresGirl · 23/06/2007 21:17

I would think dh was mad because he has had a vasectomy.

Seriously though and the snip aside, I don't think I would mind. There has been a lot of infertility in my family, which fortunately did not affect me, and it would be nice to think dh was giving someone else the pleasure of a baby.

mummytosteven · 23/06/2007 21:19

as my father and his family are a gaping blank in my life, although obviously I would not be thrilled by a bio child through donation wanting a father/child relationship, I would be OK with a bio child wanting to know more about his father iyswim.

JodieG1 · 23/06/2007 21:21

I would be bothered at the idea of him fathering another child. He wouldn't want to though and has had the snip anyway. I would also worry about an 18 year old trying to find him in years to come as the donor isn't anonymous anymore.

RosemaryWoodhouse · 23/06/2007 21:45

I would be uneasy about anonymous children out there. I know the chances are slim, but what happens if your children and the sperm donor child are unaware of each other and end up having a relationship. That happened in Dynasty once.

Belgianchox · 23/06/2007 21:49

Couldn't handle it myself, think it would open up a whole can of worms.

kimi · 23/06/2007 22:01

Personally I would not have liked it DH1 has had the snip now so not an issue, but if new DP wanted to I would be dead against it.

It s a personal thing but now people have the right to find their biological parents I would hate it.
I would not donate eggs ether as I would not want a stranger knocking on my door at some point in the future thinking they were my/DPs child, when all they were was some biological matter I / DP had donated.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/06/2007 22:08

I would suggest looking at the HFEA's website as this is the governing body for all such treatment. Its www.hfea.gov.uk.

LadyTophamHatt · 23/06/2007 22:08

I would hate it, and wouldn't let him.

But then I know he wouldn't do it anyway because we spoke about it recently.

I couldn't donate my eggs either.

I see Dh's sperm and my eggs as our potenial children and its my job to bring up our children....donating our genes to other people would mean I'd never get to be a mum to that child.

I just couldn't do it.

Pages · 23/06/2007 22:26

Would hate it and be upset at the thought of him even wanting to.

FeelingOld · 23/06/2007 22:41

I wouldn't mind if it were used for a couple who are unable to conceive due to fertility probs but not sure I would like it if sperm were used for a single person who wanted a baby but not a partner iyswim. I had to have fertility treatment to conceive both of my children so probably my view of this may differ to those of you who were able to conceive naturally cos I know how heartbreaking it can be.

Original poster
Spider · 23/06/2007 22:42

Ok last night I was at a party with dh and a gay friend of his suddenly said, 'Oh! Here he is Spiderdad. Do you remember the gynaecologist I told you about who's looking for fertile donors?' Then DH skipped off to talk to this man and ended up exchanging numbers. It wasn't until we were out in the car that he explained to me what it was all about. (Aparently top Gynaecologist seeking sperm donoers for infertile couples.)

I was really upset and confused that he would even consider this. I found it deeply hurtful and we had a big row in the car.

< Just to fill you in on my drama .... we were in the car on route to a hotel because we needed some child free time to help sort out the recent fall out from the revelation that he had an affair two years ago and has only just chosen to reveal this to me. >

I wanted you opinions because he was amazed at my response to the idea which made me wonder if it had been coloured by the affaire.

The idea that my kids would have half brothers and sisters around and we'd have no idea how they were doing and no say over who was mothering them .... I think it's horrifying. It would keep me awake at night.

Suffice it to say he won't be needing the gynaecologists number now.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 23/06/2007 22:43

well i donated eggs so i wouldn't have a problem with DH donating sperm.

Original poster
Spider · 23/06/2007 22:43

So I was glad to read the posts of fio and pages and others.

OP posts:
Nightynight · 23/06/2007 22:45

how would I feel?

responsible for his future children. Lack of anonymity doesnt change that, in fact it improves the situation, at least you might know what happened to them.

the method by which he proposed to donate it would also concern me somewhat, I must admit.

FioFio · 23/06/2007 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FrayedKnot · 23/06/2007 22:47

If he wanted to, I wouldn;t mind.

Dh has two children already who have a different mother and I have not brought them up.

It would not bother me if genetically he had more.

I don;t think HE would ever consider it (not physically possible anyway so only a hypothetical).

I would not emotionally be able to donate my eggs (have considered it in the past as we had IVF).

We had an embryo which we potentially could have donated but we decided not to.

FrayedKnot · 23/06/2007 22:59

Sorry Spider X Posts with yours explaining the circumstances.

I was envisaging a "I've been wondering, I'd like to help out infertile couples, what do you think about the idea" type conversation...or maybe a relative or friend

esp afetr previous revelations, when you are feeling fragile, it was not a particularly helpful thing to do, imo

Original poster
Spider · 23/06/2007 23:15

Yes it was spectacularly bad timing. We were actually on our way to the hotel for the big-let's-sort-this-out talk and I found myself crying over this unrelated trauma. It wrecked our evening.

I still can't understand how anyone could have kids out there, somewhere, being brought up by some stranger. I'd think about them at night in bed and wonder. I'd just be waiting for the day they would show up.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/06/2007 23:27

K, I'll step out here and be the judgemental one and surely get all the heat for it. I'm a big girl, I can take it.

But, Spider, truly, your husband sounds like an utter narcissist.

Sorry, but he really does.

To not even have considered how his wife feels about it, on top of all the other shit.

The mind boggles.

expatinscotland · 23/06/2007 23:28

My chief problem would be the effect the half-siblings might have on our children and our family.

AND, I'd wonder if the child fathered by such would be having a good life and how he/she would feel when he/she found out.

Original poster
Spider · 23/06/2007 23:29

Yup expat. That's what I told him. Luckily for him, he agreed in the end. I think it's called a mid life crisis and it had better hurry the fuck up and move on.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/06/2007 23:32

Yeah, I'd be thinking about my kids, too, Spider and how they'd feel if/when they found out.

I know that sounds awful to someone who is infertile, but it's just my opinion.

noddyholder · 23/06/2007 23:35

spider he is lucky to bloody have you.

expatinscotland · 23/06/2007 23:35

No doubt, noddy!