Always left out

[justalittlebitsad]

I'm a creative freelancer. Have worked at one company on and off in the region of three years. Since the spring, I've routinely worked one or two days a week but haven't been able to work for the last month as my Mum has been in and out of hospital. It's been a really tough time. A few weeks ago I got added to a Whatsapp Group for the Christmas night out in about ten days time. It looked like the date had already been agreed between everyone. Replied that I would love to come but couldn't make it as I already had something arranged (genuine). Out of 9 people on the group no one responded and the conversation carried on about where they should go, look at this menu, blah, blah, blah. After a few days, I ended up exiting the group as it was clear that no one could give a stuff.

DH said that I shouldn't expect to be included as I am not there every day but the really sad thing is that this happens to me a lot. At the company where I worked when we got married I was responsible for organising cards and presents for Birthdays, new babies, staff leaving. When we got married I received absolutely nothing, not even a card. To add insult to injury, the day after I came home from honeymoon my boss asked me to organise flowers for someone who had just had a baby.

Is it me? I wouldn't dream of leaving people out but I've thought for quite a while that people just don't like me/can't be bothered with me. If that's the case, does anyone have sensible advice for coping with stuff like this?

You sound lovely and your colleagues sound rude and self centred. Actually they sound like teenagers , all take take take and no giving.

Yes they should have given you a card for your wedding. How much effect would it have been for a 2 pound card and some signatures ?

At least now you know that al these extra things that you have done are not valued and you can stop them. Or better still , move elsewhere.

Sorry that this happened to you. You are clearly a caring person.
Ignore any 'too sensitive' or 'paranoid' nonsense, please as that is clearly unhelpful and gaslighting.
A theory I have is that people at work are thinking about themselves most of
the time and maybe this is the case in your office where people cry etc due to the boss and they are thinking that a freelance is different.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kristingle!

The wedding thing was a while ago in a previous job.

I do give far less than I used to and only if and when I know it will be appreciated as I'm aware I can give too much.

This has made me think that I really need to concentrate on myself/what I want/where I am going. Have been thinking of a change of direction for a little while so perhaps this is the turning point.

Wauden you are right and it's interesting that you say that. People are thinking of themselves. The boss does this too as every falling out that happens is because he only cares about what is going wrong from his perspective and not looking at the bigger picture of why mistakes are being made (mainly by being short staffed!).

I like harmony and will speak up if I can see a solution to easily resolve something. However, it might be viewed that I stick my oar in and end up making them look stupid because they can't sort it out themselves.

If I prioritised myself in the same way as everyone else then I wouldn't even get involved as the go between. Only the boss seems to value my input (as he changed his approach slightly after the last blow up!) but everyone else can fight their own battles.

I fully support you on this. We always have collections for weddings, babies, you name it. I have done a lot of organising, and if I got ignored on a special occasion I would be upset and offended. It's hard to compare myself to you though because I work almost full time and am office based. I would opt our of organising anything in the future, citing personal commitments/lack of time. If it's not in the job description, don't do it.

Thanks Ragaroo, the wedding issue was when I was full-time, permanent and working in an office. It was in my job description to organise the cards and presents and company paid for it all. Bizarrely, my boss couldn't be bothered to organise anything for me but did manage a drive by of the church about 20 minutes before I arrived. The best man clocked the car and recognised the personalised number plate. No coincidence as the church was in a small village on a no through road. He lived about half an hour away and there was no real reason why he would be there other than spy on me. I didn't say anything about it at the time but it did just add insult to injury.

The more I think about it the more I think it's other people who are odd and not me!

but then don't get invited.

But you were invited, you just couldn’t go. And then you massively overthought the fact no-one replied when you said so.

Realistically they’re probably just busy and focused on the arrangements for that night.

I agree it's other period who are odd. I don't think you're being at all sensitive.

It's a jungle out there. You have to get in there and make your presence felt - tough luck if you're an introvert or find it hard to push yourself forward! - or people clamber over you to not be left out themselves...

It must have hurt to not have anyone acknowledge your wedding, especially after you had gone to great lengths for others on their special day.

*people!

Realistically they’re probably just busy and focused on the arrangements for that night.

True, everyone is focused on themselves as I will be when they are short staffed and need an extra pair of hands.