How do you trust again?

[NameWithChange]

Just that really, does anyone know?

I can't imagine ever putting myself on the line again.

2 serious broken relationships with men I knew for a long while, promised me the world and turned out to be lying snakes.

How and why do people put themselves back out there? I can just see my life trickling away as I run around after the kids, have no time for myself and struggle to make ends meet.

Any happy endings out there ??

And as for people who jump in and out of relationships and are never single. I simply cannot understand. How can they do this time and time again? How do they survive?

I actually think the more times you go through a painful breakup the easier it gets to cope with. My first, I thought I was dying and that I’d never feel normal again. The next time, because I now had lived experience and evidence that the pain ends, I got over it very quickly and felt ready to date again within a couple of weeks.

I think a lot is to do with your outlook. I’ve felt guarded in new relationships as I’m wary of being hurt again, but I’ve always known that just cos something went horrible wrong with one man that doesn’t have any influence on the chances of it going wrong with the next. Deep down I believe I’m desirable and a guy would be lucky to have me, and after a breakup I usually start dating casually very quickly because it helps me to feel single again and move on, and sometimes I just happen to meet someone where it clicks. It’s nothing to do with self esteem and more that I enjoy dating and enjoy being in a relationship (plus I’m thirty and want kids so I kinda have no reason to hang around single for years), being single is enjoyable too but I’ve definitely spent far more of my life in a relationship than I have single. You get better at brushing yourself off and carrying on, I think. And it helps if you’ve had to deal with a lot of adverse life events outside of relationships cos you learn that whatever happens you can cope so the risk of a relationship going wrong doesn’t feel as terrifying. Some people are just better at getting past emotional pain and carrying on.

For me personally, trust is harder nowadays because of the ease at which people can cheat. When I was young and dating there were no mobile phones, no internet etc. If a husband and wife were at home and the man wanted to talk to another woman his only option was to go out or use the landline! Nowadays you can just be on your mobile or on facebook and no one is any the wiser. I'd say 99% of the cheating threads I read here, the person has looked on their partners phone, or social media, or email and caught them that way. I don't think I'd ever heard the phrase "emotional affair" until recent years. Of course there were people who cheated back then but it was (a) harder for an affair to blossom in the first place and (b) damn hard work!
I have actually come to the conclusion that I can't handle the modern world of dating! I've been through the thing where my partner was taking his phone to the bathroom and messaging OW. Yet people on here will say they scroll through MN in the bath! How do you know whether actions like that are innocent or suspicious? Especially once you've already been burnt. It's too much of a minefield for me.

@WaterOffaDucksCrack I know because their children are left at home/excluded and having counselling for behavioural problems - when all they need is some 'Mum' time.

I am not a judgemental person - I just take my role as a parent and role model seriously and despair of some of the behaviour I have seen, kids come before men in my house.

@WaterOffaDucksCrack you sound like you took things slowly and appropriately and considered the children's needs. Anyone who judges you for having a new relationship just because you had a 2 year old is a loser.