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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Another handhold thread!!!

39 replies

Lemmeavebru · 30/11/2018 21:24

My 'D' H assaulted me and he's been arrested.

I don't know what's going to happen next but really anxious I made the wrong decision. Please hand hold.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 30/11/2018 21:26

You really haven't made the wrong decision. If someone assaulted him, he'd call the police. Now he's getting his just desserts.

I hope you're OK.

WitchDancer · 30/11/2018 21:29

There's a hand to hold here for you.

You'll be crashing from your adrenaline rush, so don't be surprised if you get the shakes and cry. Is there someone in real life who can come to you?

CoatTails · 30/11/2018 21:30

It was the right decision. Well done. Don’t doubt yourself.

Original poster
Lemmeavebru · 30/11/2018 21:33

Thanks Hollow. Just really shaken. He's been emotionally abusive since our marriage and I've tried to be more assertive in the last year or so. He's never hit me before. I say 'never'. He did slap me on a couple of occasions right at the beginning. But it happened so long go. The slap round the head today just seemed like the last straw.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 30/11/2018 21:33

Do you have dc? If so you will get a call from ss in next few days asking if you ok and if you need support. Take it.
He may be cautioned not to go near you.
You don't have to let him back in house . You shouldn't. His friend or police can collect clothes.
You have done the right thing

Original poster
Lemmeavebru · 30/11/2018 21:34

WitchDancer and CoatTails thank you. Yes I've talked to a friend who knows what's been going on. She was very supportive.

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 30/11/2018 21:36

You didn’t make the wrong decision, he did. You’ve tried to paper over the cracks. Please don’t , you deserve better 💐

Original poster
Lemmeavebru · 30/11/2018 21:36

@Cest. Oh gosh really! I hope they help. I'm worried this is going to seriously affect them. He assaulted me in front of my 10 year old

OP posts:
LizzieBennettDarcy · 30/11/2018 21:37

No one wants or needs a man like that in their life. You've taken a huge brave step. It will get easier.

notapizzaeater · 30/11/2018 21:39

Your son will remember that you've done something about it. Hope you ok.

Original poster
Lemmeavebru · 30/11/2018 21:41

Police said he'll either be cautioned and released and it's up to me to decide whether I should let him back I the house or he'll be charged and have to got to court. I'm sooo worried. I really just want them to caution him and release him. They've taken my statement. Just have to wait and see now.

OP posts:
DragonSnaps · 30/11/2018 21:44

That's a brave thing you've done. You made the right decision.

Weenurse · 30/11/2018 21:44

Please don’t let him back in the house. Children should not see this type of behaviour

WitchDancer · 30/11/2018 21:53

You don't have to make any decisions straight away, but you can write it all down while it's fresh in your mind (including how you feel) and come back to it in the morning.

Is your son still awake? Give each other cuddles as you both need them

sparklepops123 · 30/11/2018 22:04

I could put up many things , but your kids seeing u hit ? No. Do u want to see your kids hitting their kids/ partners ? It's the lesson they learn as they watch u and grow

Original poster
Lemmeavebru · 01/12/2018 08:50

Thank you everyone for your support. He's ben released under caution and I've allowed him to come back home. However I don't think there's any going back from here it trrms of our relationship. I've been putting it off for too long and I think thus is the wakeup call I needed.

I did give my ds a hug yesterday. He was trying to hold back tears :(

OP posts:
pog100 · 01/12/2018 09:14

Ah, you sound like you are a lovely mum to him. Make sure you follow through and model a good relationship, by separating, as you sound more than ready to do so.
I'm sorry, it's shit, but it's your H not you doing this. You will feel so much better without him around I'm sure

Costacoffeeplease · 01/12/2018 09:14

Why is he back home? What plans do you have to get him out?

cestlavielife · 01/12/2018 09:55

Ok so you should have said no to having him back
Is he truly remorseful ?
Your d's has just learned you can hit someone and be told off and get to come back no problem....
Ask dh to leave

Today take d's out for the day and do something nice
Leave dh to simmer

When ss call tell them you need help and support for your d's because of what he witnessed

Anything else happens call police again and do not let him back in the house
Keep a charged mobile in your pocket

Your dh may be remorseful...may have shocked him enough?

Your dh may be angry and ready to snap and you and d's are at risk

Today get away with d's and let d's talk if he wants to. Tell him it us not his fault and it is not acceptable behaviour

PsychedelicSheep · 01/12/2018 10:10

It's not the police's job to say you should/shouldn't allow him home but social services will take a very dim view and in some cases they will apply to have the children removed so it's definitely in yours and the children's best interest to get him out as soon as possible and prove you can protect them from having to witness this shit.

Original poster
Lemmeavebru · 01/12/2018 10:59

My ds and and his brother have gone to a school club today so he's away from this environment for now.
I don't know if he's remorseful. He talked to ds as he normally does. Like nothing's happened. Honestly I'm feeling really numb. He really don't think he'll do somwthing like this again. However I'm sure he's going to use this as another way to make himself the victim and blame me for the situation.

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 01/12/2018 11:03

What PhychedelicSheep said

Costacoffeeplease · 01/12/2018 11:44

He will do it again, and it will escalate. He now knows he can slap you with no consequences, so why wouldn’t he?

cestlavielife · 01/12/2018 14:00

Using his logic if you drive him to hit you then you must separate immediately.

Of course you don't . He chooses to. So two dc in this environment. Try call women's aid now talk it thru

Original poster
Lemmeavebru · 01/12/2018 14:59

He blames me because i asked him to leave and then pulled him by the arm. Thats why he hit me. Im so confused

OP posts: