Will i tell her?

[eyespy123]

Long story short, someone made a fool of me a while ago. The usual, promised me the sun moon and stars. He wasn't happy at home, had no relationship with her and was only there for the kids...or so he said. I ended it all because he 'couldn't' leave her at the time. I can now see lovely pictures on them on her facebook page. And i can also see him active on a dating website. I want to send her an anonymous message on fb just saying " * is cheating on you, just thought you should now". And leave it at that. I admit i'm so bitter about it. Will i, is the question?

Seeing as your motivation is spite/revenge I'd say no. I doubt youll feel any better no matter which way it played out. How are you going to feel if a few months later they are still portraying the image of the happy couple? How would you feel if she's posting about how her life has been devastated, she's having to find somewhere else to live, doesn't know how to cope etc?

You may have been played by him but you decided to fall for the oldest line in the cheating husband's playbook and you believed his bullshit because you selfishly wanted to. You're not really the victim here. You knew he was married, you're just bitter that he didn't leave his wife and kids for you. More fool you.

I'd still want to know even if your motivation was pure spite!

Tell her

I wish I had been told and in retrospect, wish I had also told someone what I knew.

If it is out of spite to get him yourself, then NO...why would you even get involved with a man who would do that? He would do it to you in the end too.

If this is to do it purely to alert his wife, then maybe, but to be honest...lying shits like this get caught out in the end!

Out of spite to get him is a no.
Out of spite, end of, is fine imo

I'd alert her to screenshots of the dating site but only for her, not for you to seek revenge.

I was in a situation seeing my husbands manager cheating on his wife on a night out in another city.

I wanted to tell her but didn't know how, husband did not want to rock the boat three years later she finally dumped him. I feel bad I didnt alert her in some way earlier.

Oh god please don't do this just before Christmas, those poor dc.

I have to admit I wouldn't tell, I once found out that a man I'd been dating was in fact living with a woman (an IT literate friend of mine dug up his very locked down fb page due to some suspicions I had). I just never spoke to him again, didn't reply to texts/Snapchats etc. My friend had found his gf's page too but I was advised on here that it wasn't my place to tell.

They've since had a baby and look over the moon together (I looked a couple of years later to see if he'd done it again and been busted!) and I did think, if I'd interfered that child may not even exist - changing the course of someone's life is a massive thing and not something I wanted to be responsible for.

I genuinely thought when looking at their pics that they looked so happy together. When we were going on our dates he was in absolutely no rush to be physical, didn't even kiss til date five. I (much later) found out he had a very small penis and I wondered if his ego was so damaged by that that he felt the need to bolster it. Still totally shitty of course.

Anyway long story short - I wouldn't tell her but that doesn't mean it's necessarily right, I just personally couldn't take that on myself.

Another one here saying 'tell her'. How many times do we read here about people suspecting something but no proof. You have the proof! Don't take too much notice of the lovey dovey pics on social media, they rarely paint the whole picture. I doubt you'd have her on your door-step but be prepared for him to retaliate/get angry. At the end of the day, he is the one who broke his vows, not you or her!

I (knew) highly suspected my ex was cheating on me long before he told me, I wasn’t stupid. However, I decided to wait it out and see if he came to his senses/ it ended/ he decided he wanted me after all (in the end he decided none of those things and left me) and also there were moments when I could kid myself I was reading too much into it all and of course he wasn’t cheating on me and tell myself all sorts of lies and do you know what, those moments of not knowing for sure kept me going for months, until I had thought out what I wanted to do.

When he finally told me everything, my FIRST question was “who else knows about it”? because the humiliation of it all would have been 10x worse had his affair been common knowledge.

Basically don’t assume his partner is stupid and doesn’t know or at least suspect. Secondly, if you are going to tell her, don’t do it in secret, tell her who you are, because if she thinks her friends and family know before her, it will utterly break her.

I wouldn't do it to get him back. That ship has well and truly sailed. No matter what I feel for him I would never ever trust him again. And just seeing him active on the dating website actually turns my stomach to be honest.

I genuinely feel sorry for his other half, i have no issue with her at all. And my problem really is breaking up a family or causing a shit storm. But i also want him to pay. I feel she should know but don't want to be the one to do it i guess.

Do it anonymously then, give her facts he can't deny, send the screen shot of him on a dating site, it's not hard.

Sorry but you carried on a relationship with him when you knew he had a wife and kids, I hardly think this is going to bother you that much.

Send her a link to his dating profile and then block them both

if it wasn't gonna bother me that much i would have done it ages ago. I'm not a complete ogre.

Sorry not buying it OP, you are contemplating it now because you have seen him on a dating site; i just think it a bit hypocritical that you are showing concern for his wife, now.

@Andora10 Oh i don't deny that. Yeh have seen him on a dating website and it has pi**ed me right off. I'm not particularly showing concern for this partner, like i said i don't know her. I've said all along that i want him to pay....but thanks for your feedback !!!!!

So he pays and you get off Scot free, nice.

And no problem, you won't get any sympathy from me I'm afraid, I don't ever condone affairs.

@adora10 I'm not looking for your sympathy or anyone else's. I was asking opinions, you've given yours so thanks for taking the time.

I'd still want to know even if your motivation was pure spite!

Yep.

i'd do it she maybe unhappy and this will be her chance to get away from him she may even suspect but have no proof.

I would definitely want to know, yeah you might get a bit of flack from the wife but in honesty you deserve some!!

As affairs go I would say the majority of the blame should lie with the husband but as you knew he had a wife and family then you also should get some blame too.

You’ve said you’re doing it out of spite and that you’re not doing it to get back at him in different posts in the same thread. It doesn’t add up. Leave it alone.

Don't do anything before Christmas because of their children, can you imagine it? They'd be heartbroken. If you still feel the same after Christmas, then maybe send a link to the dating site? I don't know, I think your best revenge is to heal your wounds and live a happy life tbh.

You know they all say they're not happy at home?

Forget it, you will end up being the evil bitch and she won’t beleive you probably. Even with proof. He will lie his way out of it.
Just move on with you’re life and be thankful you didn’t end up with the cunt.
It’s a lesson learned
Not your circus.

I'd need to know !!