Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To tell Dh and his freind to bugger off

38 replies

rosekettie · 29/11/2018 22:36

Can someone tell me honestly if I am overreacting here? I just told my husband and his friend to bugger off from my house. The friend has stormed off to his house. My husband is fuming with me that I have disrespected his mate and him.

I am in the bedroom upstairs writing a dissertation. His friend came for a cup of tea below my bedroom in the kitchen. I could hear their conversation clearly. They were discussing how pathetic is the news that the boy in Huddersfield that was bullying a Syrian boy is going to prison for that, saying if it was an English boy it would not have been on the news. Now, I am a foreigner, my children are foreigners. My husband and his friend are English. I was fuming listening to them, That Syrian child on the playground could have been my son, it could have been anyone's child, I would feel exactly the same (English or not). I went down to tell them to stop or go out and discuss this somewhere else as I put up with this shit outside, in the streets but I don't want to endure it in my own home.. that my home is my sanctuary... and they started to talk me out of it. At that point, I just lost it and told them both to bugger off😰😱

Am I in the wrong here... his friend is now demanding an apology which I am not giving.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Sethis · 29/11/2018 22:41

I'm confused. They were objecting to the story being covered in the news, or they were objecting to the punishment given to the bully? Or both?

Adora10 · 29/11/2018 22:46

I’m with you there’s no defence what happened to that poor family did your OH not realise this would upset you, fuck the apology, what a pair of racist cunts they sound I loathe that kind of attitude and I’m British btw.

Villagelifer · 29/11/2018 22:47

He would get no apology from me either.

AnyFucker · 29/11/2018 22:49

Do not apologise

mycatistoo · 29/11/2018 22:50

Apology? Fuck off. Angry

chestylarue52 · 29/11/2018 22:51

The personal is political.

Do not apologise.

Original poster
rosekettie · 29/11/2018 22:52

@Sethis.... they are objecting to the punishment given to the bully. I am not saying I agree with the punishment as that is up to courts and authorities to take care.

OP posts:
cstaff · 29/11/2018 22:52

Apology for what. I don't bloody think so. I would be expecting an apology from him for his horrible rascist comments

HollowTalk · 29/11/2018 22:53

Do not apologise.

But is it your house or yours and your husband's house?

GreenTulips · 29/11/2018 23:02

We discussed this in our house last night.

I think any bully deserves to feel the full extent of the law, however a monority is protected by law and a British child isn't to the same extent

Both crimes would be equally serious.

However the crime is made worse by the fact this has been plastered all over social media

Kids are out of control and it needs dealing with what ever the colour of the victim.

datingdisaster41 · 29/11/2018 23:03

I would be seething, too. Your husband sounds like he's being racist and insensitive. His mate sounds like a knob - who the fuck does he think he is with his 'demanding an apology'!!!

mycatistoo · 29/11/2018 23:05

You know what a nice man would do if he realised he'd offended someone and they thought he was racist? They be mortified and apologise. Not demand an apology.

chocolatelover9 · 29/11/2018 23:08

You have every right to be angry. Do NOT apologise.. If anyone should be apologising it is them!!
Hope your ok Flowers

Sethis · 29/11/2018 23:10

16 year old tried to drown another teen while others stood around and filmed it on their phones.

Why was he trying to drown him? Probably because the other teen wasn't white.

So some kind of mix of assault and hate crime?

Legal action seems like a fair result of that course of events. But here's the kicker... even if it WASN'T then your husband, and his friend, should have STFU as soon as you asked them to. If my DP asked me to cease and desist from a particular line of conversation then I'd do it and not ask why, although I might talk to her about it after the friend had gone.

Even leaving the whole racism thing aside, you've been asked by the owner of the house to drop something. So you fucking drop it. End of. You're a guest, not a family member.

Adora10 · 29/11/2018 23:14

Minority ethnic groups have a much fucken worse time than a white British boy, I’m delighted it’s gone this far, that poor family have suffered injustice all their life only to come here and be treated like scum, your OH and friend have just perpetuated that same racism.

I’d lock them all up, ignorance and self importance fuelled by the likes of Trump and the Tory’s giving the bully’s a pass to inflict physical and emotional pain on innocent people.

Original poster
rosekettie · 29/11/2018 23:16

Thank you very much, everyone, for your kind words, I started to doubt myself there. I will sleep better. xx

OP posts:
Cawfee · 29/11/2018 23:19

Do not apologise and I personally think you should kick your racist husband to the kerb. I couldn’t live or live with somebody who held those views

Klobuchar · 29/11/2018 23:24

The friend has no right to demand an apology. You were a lot more polite than I would have been under the circumstances!

HeebieJeebies456 · 29/11/2018 23:39

however a monority is protected by law and a British child isn't to the same extent....the crime is made worse by the fact this has been plastered all over social media

Are you the 'friend'? You're talking absolute bollocks.

Adora10 · 29/11/2018 23:44

Yeah must be the mate or the husband - stupid ignorant comment!

pissedonatrain · 29/11/2018 23:48

Absolutely do not apologise! They should be apologising.

My stbxh turned out to be a racist cunt but in a different way. I'm a migrant foreigner, but because I'm white, he feels it's ok to slam my culture and the country I came from. He'll defend other minorities, but not me.

Bluerussian · 29/11/2018 23:49

Don't apologise, you weren't unreasonable at all.

Mrskeats · 30/11/2018 01:34

Do not doubt yourself.
If my husband thought like that he would be permanently kicked out.
How can anyone defend that thug?
Unbelievable

Blondebakingmumma · 30/11/2018 05:32

Good on you for having the courage to kick them out. You deserve an apology

fuzzywuzzy · 30/11/2018 05:41

What? The boys broke that child’s arm previously, the same gang then targeted him and water boarded him when he was doing nothing more than walking home.

Legal action would have been exactly what would happen whatever the colour/race of the victim.

Don’t make out that the bully is getting a harder time because his target was an immigrant child. It’s not!

The bullied child probably put up with a hell of a lot more because he was an immigrant he’s not getting special treatment. His sister tried to kill herself in school because she was also being bullied and the school were doing nothing there either.

Whatever the bully’s punishment will be decided by the courts and will be exactly what would be meted out had the victim been a white child.

Swipe left for the next trending thread