Have you ever dated or slept with someone you didn't fancy?

[Hereissummer]

How did it go?
Someone is interested in me. I don't find him physically attractive. But, I feel really lonely and horny.

Don't do it.

Felt horrible regret afterwards.

Yeah, 3 years, he came out as gay eventually so I guess it was mutual! Obviously I've moved on since then but I think settling for a sub par relationship at that time in my life (uni) probably held me back and dented my self confidence.
Do you think you will hurt him if he's keener? In which case not good but possibly he might like a FWB?

Having sex with someone you aren't really interested in isn't much fun.

Might be ok whilst you're doing it but one of the best things for me about sex is the affection afterwards, if you don't at least feel something for someone I don't think the affection is anywhere near as nice and it just feels awkward.

dated, yes
snogged, yes
slept with, no

I slept with someone who was attractive, but we didn’t have chemistry. It was ok, slightly dull.
I was in your situation.

I've slept with a bunch of people I didn't fancy really
I suppose I must have deep down?? But not really. It was fine, I didn't find then repulsive or anything, just "meh". But they were casual things with people who probably felt th3 same about me. Don't mess with someone who likes you more than that

Yes.

I posted about this in another thread recently. I dated someone hugely keen on me, who I felt physically ambivalent about, although I quite liked them as a person. I found I mostly had to keep my eyes mostly shut during sex and it was ok. He was reasonably good in bed, so I could just enjoy the physical aspect of it all, as long as I didn't have to do too much looking at him.

I'm a compartmentaliser though and tend to see sex as a recreational activity rather than the union of minds, bodies and souls!!!! So, I appreciate it may be easier for me than other people to have sex with someone I'm not massively attracted to physically.

I think it depends what you are hoping for out of it and also what the other person is hoping for too. If they are going to want lingering looks and lots of heartfelt connection, then it might be a bit harsh to just use them to fulfil your physical requirements - IYSWIM.

Yeah I’ve slept with a couple of people I haven’t fancied enough to enjoy sex with.

I feel a bit ick when I think of it now.

Yes, it’s grim. And boring.

Too many times!

Don’t do it - you’re likely to feel lonely and maybe even used afterwards. It’s worth holding out for someone you really fancy.

Weirdly opposite opinion to everyone else.
Bit of background, I've always dated.. or just slept with people who I find physically attractive, actually not even just me, if someone else thought someone was attractive and I had the chance, I took it. I wanted people to see that I could bag the 'hot ones', I'm 22 now, but in my teens I was a horribly judgmental cow, I can admit now.
This all turned a bit of a disaster, couldn't hold a relationship and everyone seemed to cheat or other ladies would go after your fella which made me sour.
So I met OH through friends, shy, skinny as hell, big nose. Friends for a while, ended up realising he is the most genuine and caring person I have ever met. We've been together nearly 5 years, got a mortgage together, cat and a dog.. Trying for a baby in january. I still admit to my mum when we get into deep conversation that my OH is nowhere near my type, I don't really find him pleasing to the eyes when I think about it. But I love him anyway and have never felt so home with somebody.

I went from shallow to literally not giving a damn about looks because it really doesn't matter as long as you are cared for and happy.

I suppose so. Not in the sense that I found them unattractive, though, more a “let’s see what this is like” sort of thing. I learned that you don’t have to fancy somebody to have really really good sex - like Margo I see sexy recreationally rather than as an emotional union. (Also, the reverse is true and you can really really fancy somebody and the sex be pretty lacklustre.)

If you just want to scratch an itch and are upfront with him that this isn’t going to lead to anything deeper, go for it.

Slept with someone who said I'd lose my job if I didn't, but I don't think that's quite what you're after.

I slept with someone who was well known for being the most attractive person around this area, also well known for being a tw@t but what did I care? Young and dumb.
Turned out his girlfriend dropped his off at my house! I was a 'family friend'.. he also turned out to have a literal mircopenis, and size may not matter, but he didn't even know what to do with it.
Worst. Night. Ever.
Expecting this buff man to give you the night of you life to reach down and feel.. nothing? I could write a book about disappointment.

Yes for three years, unintentionally and it was awful.

He kept pestering me into going on dates and eventually I ended up trapped in an abusive relationship with him. I was just 15 at the time and despite trying numerous times to break up with him, it wasn't until shortly after my 18th birthday that he decided he was finally finished with me that he let me go. Even then when I was in a new, very happy relationship he told me there was no chance of me having him back because I was now 'cheating'. I took great pleasure in asking him why I would want him back when my new boyfriend was so much better. Last I ever heard from him thankfully.

I think mine is probably an extreme example though.

Yes to both (but different people).

Dated: was someone I'd known a long time and we got on really well but the attraction just wasn't there (only lasted a few weeks and didn't sleep together). We're still friends.

Slept with: was in a bit of a dry spell and slept with a friend's friend at a party in my early 20s. No harm done. Was quite good, actually.

No. I don't think so. I've liked all the men I've dated, found all the men I've slept with attractive.

One was a knob. But... hey!

Yes I have...and it was grim. He was/is a truly lovely man and felt awful. We have remained friends and he is happily settled with somebody else. I never let on how I felt, just ended it as quickly and kindly as I could. It only happened once (sex) but it still makes me feel a bit yuk if it ever crosses my mind. It wasn't his fault though, it was mine.

Yes. It was disastrous because he was much more into me than I was in him, and it gave him hope that something more could come of it. It made me feel like a shitty person tbh.

Yep. DH. He is the best but I was never and probably never fancy him that way.
Not much I can do about it now.
All my exes I really fancied and they were all cheaters.
So I guess....

We don't have sex often, if we do it is a bit like removing a plaster.

If I could go back I would tell myself not to OP

Buy a cat and a vibrator if you're that lonely and horny???

I have. I was attracted to his personality, he had a nice body, but his face - er nope.

We had a 10 month thing. The sex was fab! Go figure. I was 18 months out of a terrible marriage though and was having a new, er, lease of life, so to speak.

Maybe I am just a shallow cow.

I could have a few dates see if I liked him but I couldn't sleep with a guy if i didn't fancy him.