Have you ever dated or slept with someone you didn't fancy?

[Hereissummer]

How did it go?
Someone is interested in me. I don't find him physically attractive. But, I feel really lonely and horny.

Had been chatting to someone on old for a few weeks, we met - no immediate spark. We are still together 15+ years later.

I have slept with someone who I didn't find attractive in looks but he had a great personality and we got on and he was really good in bed (obv didn't know that straight away though!) we dated for a year but ultimately it didn't work out long term because I was never 100% in the relationship and ashamed to say I cheated on him and then broke up with him.

Yes, a fair few times. Why? To feel validated, wanted, because I was bored and there was no other game in town, because I felt obliged to, becaue he was a nice person and I felt a bit sorry for him, because he was actually very attractive in a conventional way and I thought I should fancy him and want to sleep with him, even though actually I didn’t. I’d like to point out that this isn’t all about the same person!

Yes I have, I liked his personality and had fun on dates but he was very unattractive. DTD once and I felt so repulsed during/after it that I cut contact after. Shortly after I found out he was still with the mother of his children so am absolved of any guilt!

Slept with a guy after a few dates, I really didn't fancy him but he was the first OLD I had seen more than 3 times. After we had sex I couldn't wait to leave and felt ick. It was not fun. All the things that you don't care about when you fancy someone like his sweaty head, looming orgasm face, being squashed by his belly, just made me feel gross.
Definitely wait for someone you fancy the pants off.

Yes, I had a relationship with one and he grew on me after a while and then everything he did repulsed me. But remember that being attractive isn't just physical, sometimes the way people move or talk adds to their attraction. I've dated guys who I didn't physically find attractive but their personality, the way they held themselves and their demeanour worked for me!

Let me give you a bit of a different perspective. I'm a sex worker, so almost all the sex I have is transactional, and its basically part of the job description that I don't have to "fancy" someone to have sex with them.

For me, it's perfectly possible to have sex with someone I don't find visually attractive, but have great sex anyway. It totally depends on their skills in bed and their attitude. If we have good conversation AND they have good oral skills then I'm certain to have a good time.

To me the most "fanciable" thing is their attitude. If they arrive freshly showered (or take one on arrival), speak to me friendly and respectfully, genuinely want me to get off and are respectful of my boundaries, then that's a guaranteed knicker dropper.

My two favourite clients: one guy who is morbidly obese and has mobility issues following an accident. He has amazing oral skills and is interesting to talk to. One guy who is kind of hard to look at as he has severe facial and torso scarring due to an industrial accident some years ago. He is very witty and intelligent and our sexual responses are wired the same way.

I've seen plenty of guys who were conventionally attractive but never have I really enjoyed myself with most of them because some of them think their looks are an automatic knicker-dropper and they don't need to do anything else. Ditto a lot of guys who have a larger than average penis. Like they drop their kecks and they think you're going to go "OMG baby I'm so wet" 🙄

Yeah my ex husband lol. I didnt like him at first, he kept pestering me though and grew on me over time we had 9yrs together.

That’s interesting NotTheFord I find attitude, intelligence, perceptiveness, the way someone moves, responds to me, converasation, humour, can all be attractive.

I met someone like this who I really click with. In all the above ways. We
Clicked immediately. And he is also a looker. Been together 3 years and very happy.

I also look back fondly at the fun time with Mr Emotionally Intelligent But Not Visually Attractive.

I no longer fancy my partner.
I still love them, I'm still committed to family life, but because I don't fancy them, the sex is poor and infrequent.
I get very little out of it and struggle to pretend, sometimes having to call time and stop half way through as it's just not working for me.

I rarely find people physically attractive before sleeping with them. I mean how can you know if you’ve never seen them naked/had sex. I didn’t find my husband even remotely physically attractive at first but when he took his clothes off it went from zero to sixty in a millisecond. Man just doesn’t know how to dress himself forded speak purposes.

@Notthefordtype the pants dropped made me smirk. On the train. Trying not to giggle

Yes, most of my (male) partners before I realised I preferred women.

Don't do it. Really!

NottheFord and LatentPhase that's so heartening to hear. I was going to ask, I guess the answer depends on whether the OP means "don't find physically attractive" as in "he's not classically good looking" or simply "whatever he looks like doesn't generate a spark".

If it's the former, then I'd hope there'd be quite a few people (male and female) who'd say yes - most of us would never had kids if we hadn't!

TBH the spark has to be there for me, but then again I'm male. Quite frankly if something about you doesn't do it for me then nothing's going to happen whether I like it or not, short of downing a load of Viagra. That said, I'm probably weird in that classically attractive people do nothing for me. I prefer someone with a bit of character (probably because I'm not exactly an oil painting myself ). One woman I crushed hard on, in part, because of her wonky teeth. Don't ask me why, they were cute. Way more interesting (and sexy) than brilliant white and perfect.

I have slept with people I am physically ambivalent about in the past: one of those where (often under the influence) you meet someone who doesn't knock you down with their attractiveness immediately but whom you warm to and think they might be worth a go.

Once you actually get down to it you can usually tell fairly quickly which way its going to go.

Exploring is fine -- lots of people are a slow burn and their attractiveness creeps up on you by degrees. I think routinely sleeping with people for whom you feel absolutely no physical attraction whatsoever (unless you're being paid to do it) is problematic. If you're doing that a lot you have to ask yourself what you're getting out of it.

Yes a couple, but I am insanely picky and tend to be attracted to people who are bit quirky so if I waited for my version of perfection I'd be waiting a long time. Single five years now for that reason!

The two blokes were perfectly nice , one was actually a long time friend, and decently into me. I guess I hoped things would warm up but they did not and they were both fairly terrible in bed.

What I took from those two encounters was that I'd rather be alone. At least you don't have that "oh dear" feeling afterwards.

NotANotMan was spot on with this "It was not fun. All the things that you don't care about when you fancy someone like his sweaty head, looming orgasm face, being squashed by his belly, just made me feel gross." Made me feel queasy remembering one guy. But then I feel guilty cos he was just lovely and I really, really wanted to be attracted to him. We'd been dating a few months when we DTD and seeing his awful choice in shoes when he put them on by my door the next day sealed the end of that deal for me.

Honestly more times than I care to mention . Well sometimes I fancied them through beer goggles then when the morning hits and you realise it just isn’t worth it. I wouldn’t say I regretted it or felt ashamed but I was annoyed with myself for a while.

Sometimes people can become more attractive as you get to know them just as others can become less attractive but if you’re simply after sex, I wouldn’t bother.

Dont get pp who said how can you find someone attractive unless youve seen them naked or slept with them?! what an odd opinion.

When I was 21, back in 1991, I went to visit a friend, Allison, who lived on the south coast – she was an old school friend whose parents had bought a residential home there and moved whilst Allison was in her teens. I had stayed there a few times. My b/f of the time had gone travelling with his brother so I had decided to book a holiday with her. Anyway, we booked that up and, in the evening, decided to go clubbing. Her half-brother, Wayne, who I not met before, came around in the afternoon – he was a builder in his thirties – separated from his wife – he said he would take us – and, said that so we did not to disturb the elderly residents, we could stay at his place. Allison’s parents liked this idea. So, we went to his old Victorian town house – his ex was living in a flat in the top of the house! We got ready and went out clubbing – he drove. It was a good night though he tried to kiss me and we did have a slow dance even although I didn't fancy him (I was upset at my b/f going away for so long). Later we went back to his place and he gave us some more drinks. We had a good laugh and his ex was knocking on the ceiling as we were making a noise! Allison went up to the bathroom and when she had finished, I got up to go to bed. I stumbled in my high heels and Wayne caught me and the next thing I knew he put me over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift. He took me upstairs and walked passed the bathroom and the room Allison and I were staying in and into his room where he dumped me on the bed. He then got on top of me, pushed up my mini-skirt and had sex with me! When he had finished, I went to the bathroom (he had kindly moved my overnight bag into his room earlier in the evening). I was in a state of shock as I took my make-up off and contact lens out and got ready for bed but for some reason, I can’t explain why, rather than going into the bedroom where Allison and I was supposed to sleep in I went back to his bedroom and got into bed. He then went to the bathroom and got ready for bed. When he came back, we had sex again and again in the morning. The next day I came downstairs to the kitchen – Wayne was cooking a fried breakfast and Allison and his ex-wife gave me really dirty looks – Allison wouldn’t talk to me. Later Allison wrote me and said she felt rally betrayed as her family had been hoping Wayne and his partner would get back together as they had a little girl together and she wouldn’t go on holiday with me so I lost the deposit and when I told my b/f when he came back from his travels I had cheated on him he dumped me so it is certainly an experience I won’t forget!