Long rant about dp and chores!

[Hilltoptea]

I know it's been done to death but I need to moan.

I go to university, my dp works full time. We both previously worked full time for the same company but I decided to go to university to retrain two years ago. It's not the easiest subject, it's bioscience based, not that it matters really but I'm not a 'natural academic' and find it hard. I do three days of 9-5 and have two days off in the week. I work on a Sunday too but that is a temporary role. He works 9-5 Mon-Fri.

Because I'm now at university dp has decided that my life is wonderfully easy and has decided that ALL household chores and cooking are to be done by me. He does nothing. Literally nothing. Actually he might wash up once a week but then expects a medal. To be honest he did virtually nothing whilst we were both working full time anyway.

He constantly leaves dirty clothes on the floor, rubbish on the counters and dirty plates everywhere, amongst other things. Having the initiative to clean the bathroom would be like asking him to fly to Mars. Its like living with a grubby teenager and it's not attractive.

He didn't try at all at university, never went to lectures etc so had an easy experience. Has told me himself that he missed 80% of his lectures and in the same sentence tells me that university is easy. I'm working my butt off trying to achieve a first in my subject. This involves loads of time spent at home doing research papers etc. Once this degree is done I should be able to achieve a good wage that will benefit us both in the future.

When dp gets home from work he sits down straight away, watches tv and expects me to cook us dinner immediately. I've just got home too, I'm tired too and often have work to do.

I'm happy to do the majority of the housework because I appreciate that I have more time off than him. But I want him to do SOMETHING other than sitting on his arse waiting for wifey to cook his dinner and run around after him. But then I wonder if I'm being unfair because he does work more hours than me. When I moved in with him into his previous house, he'd been living there and hadn't hoovered in TWO YEARS. I probably should have run then

I probably should have run then

Sorry, but yes. He's a pig.

Stop cooking for him. Don't pick his clothes up off the floor. Cook and clean for yourself and let him stew in his own filth.

I couldn't be attracted to someone who thought I was less than them and expected to be waited on. Fuck that.

Fucking run now. He is a dirty scut...

You deserve better... What will happen of you ever have children ffs

Know the feeling. My dp works full time and although Im a sahm I do the cooking cleaning and other household chores as such aswell as looking after DC.
He leaves dirty clothes in bathroom, bedroom, dressing room, living room and even kitchen. I wouldn't even mind if they were on the floor but just in the utility room bit I guess that'll never happen.
Also on weekend s I'm expected to do everything for DC (even though do it all through week) he rarely changes a nappy and hadn't cooked in quite some time. I think the longer a relationship goes on, the more comfortable people get, so people do less if they know their partner will do it

This is never going to end well... you are right you should have run. You need to leave....

Why are you being such a doormat ?

How could you have moved in to his home when he hadn’t hoovered for two years? How long was it since he changed the sheets?

Sorry but you knew what he was like and he is not going to change.

Urgh, how hideously unattractive!

What do you see in this overgrown teenager?

YANBU in the slightest and you know that, why are you with him?

Get your degree, get a good job, get rid. I think it's one thing not to be good at noticing when things need cleaning (I'm not always the best at that) but another thing entirely to leave dirty clothes on all the floors - that's not just laziness, but wanton disrespect.

I'd find that really unattractive. How's the rest of the relationship?
This subject might have been done to death but it is because it's about way more than house work. It's about respect for the other person. Does he think his time is worth more than yours?
Do you have children?

I know, I am a doormat. Told him this evening that I wanted help with the housework and got called a 'fucking moron'. He can be very disrespectful. His dad is the same though so he knows no better. His mum is very resentful after 40 years of it but would never leave.

The thought of having children with him is scary because I know I'd get lumped with everything. Am just going to bide my time until I'm in a position to sort things out and make plans like VeryQuaintIrene said.

The attraction thing is a real problem... it really is a passion killer when he acts like a stroppy teenager!!!

Thankyounext Don't even go there with the sheets. He'd happily go months!

Pull your head out of your arse. Stop being such a pathetic doormat and run for your life. Honestly, why are you with him?? What more do you need to know?

He called you a fucking moron for asking him to pull his weight?
Ltb

Bide your time and get out. Be careful with your birth control.

Get rid of him. Quick as you can. He's an absolute prick.

I just want you to really think about staying in the relationship. If you want to have children with him, your life is going to be very difficult. Children create a lot of mess, you will spend most of your life cleaning and that's with a partner that helps.
You will be so much happier if you leave. Xxxxx

what he called you is so disrespectful, hateful.....would you tolerate this from anyone else? The dynamics of people's domestic lives is heart breaking sometimes. You will find something better than this should you want to be in a relationship again

Do you want to end up like his mum?

Leave as quickly as you can

dp has decided that my life is wonderfully easy
Why does HE get to decide this?
I'm glad you have a plan OP.
This is no way to live.
You will end up like his mother.

And of course he knows better.
He's a grown up.

He knows right from wrong.
He knows he's being a lazy cunt.
He knows he's disrespecting you massively.

Get a plan sorted and follow through.
You deserve so much better.

Get your degree first and then get the hell out of there and make sure you don't get pregnant in the mean time. Calling you a fucking moron for asking him to do his part. Asshole.

How much longer do you have left on your degree course, OP?
Would it be an option to get a student loan and move into university accommodation, so you could leave this abusive lazy scumbag right now?
Please don’t be a doormat any longer! Even if you stay with him til you graduate, stop doing his chores immediately. Just cook your own dinner, do your own washing, and leave his where he drops it. You are not his servant - stop behaving like one. Don’t collude with his contempt and disrespect of you by accepting it. He’s an adult not a toddler - he needs to take responsibility for his own chores and self maintenance.
Sending you my best wishes for your empowerment, and the strength to dump this obnoxious waste of space!

GTFO is my advice!

Wow where do all these men come from?!

I stand by you with the uni thing being hard. I studied a bioscience/biomed degree. Hardest, most exhausting 3 years of my life.

You either put up with his shit or you don't OP its up to you now to make that decision as to whether you think its acceptable.

Calling you a fucking moron?? Really? You deserve more.

What a horrible selfish man; he should be so proud of you and encouring you by doing his fair share, he should be doing his fair share anyway regardless of you being at Uni!

I couldn't live like this, he has no respect for you, he thinks he's massively way more important than you, I would find that very concerning, it's really not a fuss about nothing, he's showing you what he thinks of you, basically there to clean the shit off his dirty plates.

I'd have to reassess the whole relationship, he works 9 to 5, big fucken deal, it's hardly long hours, you work just as much and have to study as well, so unfair and so unequal, no team here I'm afraid, stop being a doormat indeed.

'fucking moron'.

OMG, he's borderline abusive.

Please leave him, he's not worth your time.