I'm really emotional at the moment, just looking for a place to rant a little, and hopefully find some support and make sense of it all. I don't believe all men are the same, I know from seeing other people my age having children that most men are fabulous when their partner gets pregnant planned or not.
Basically, I am now 28 weeks pregnant. And the father of my child walked out on me when I was just over 3 months pregnant. He claimed it was because I'm a liar, and he's not the real dad. I even agreed to a paternity test when the baby was born for his peace of mind as he put it, regardless of my absolute certainty of him being the dad.
Since then, it has been nothing but an emotional and mental roller-coaster. So in honestly I think I'm just looking for someone to talk to, someone who will talk me down from my seriously high emotional state, and just be a friend in general.
After the whole drama of him deciding he's not the father, he walked out. But since then, he's been trying to be more involved, then he decides he doesn't want to be, then he does, etc etc. When he first walked out, he told me he wanted nothing to do with us until the baby was born (due in Feb!) and then he'd only step up if the paternity test came back as the baby is his. Duiing this time, he went out of his way to tell everyone he could (people he did and didn't know) especially other girls (most of whom are a lot younger than he is) about the situation, but he twisted things to make himself out to be a completely innocent victim, and went on about how messed up he was not knowing if hewas going to be a dad or not. It got to the point where I was receiving messages of how much of a disgusting person I am and how could anyone put someone they claim to love through stuff like that. His own mother said she wanted to stab me, I even had people telling me they hoped I lost the baby. I'm not sure if he was aware of that happening, but it was awful. He missed the next few scans, including the 20 week scan when I found out what we were having. I couldn't even get hold of him to see if he was interested in knowing, he'd blocked me, and got his friends to find out for him. A few weeks later, I had a message from him asking how me and the baby were, I asked why he suddenly seemed interested, he told me it was because he saw his aunt who had gone through all the dates, spoke to the person he claimed was the actual father of my child, and they all came to the same conclusion, the dates I gave were right and he is, in fact, the dad. Not anyone else like he claimed. He got more involved for a while. He went as far as saying things like he still loves me, he wants us to consider being a family in Feb when the baby is born, that he wants us to consider him moving into my flat with us, so we can be together, raise the baby together, save money etc. I stupidly believed everything. I stupidly believed this was it, and he had realised his mistakes, realised it wasn't all just about him, and we could try to work something out. I was very stupid indeed, because not 2 weeks later, he tells me it's getting too serious and we need to stop seeing each other. And then he stopped talking to me. In between that and now, he's tried to tell me he loves me again, he's wanted me to go over to his (he literally lives down the road from me) but he's been messaging 1 girl who he had a thing with previously, after she said she hopes for his sake the baby isnt his, and he's agreed, and said me too. He tells me he's not fussed either way, and most recently he's been sending messages to another new girl he's never met before, who lives a bit away from us, flirting with her, getting to know her. From what I've gathered, she's a lot younger then the both of us, yet again and has a 6 month old girl herself. He's been sending her money to support her when she's run out of gas, he's been more supportive of a girl he's never met before, then of the woman who is carrying his own child, and it hurts more then I can even imagine. When he comes back wanting to be more involved and telling me he loves me, I get this stupid hope that he's come to terms with things, and we can work it out and then I still find out he's slagging me off behind my back, he's flirting with other girls, he's saying he's really messed up, using it as an opener to chat these girls up and get their sympathy. He hasn't once stepped back and thought about his unborn child or what his actions and words do to me. I've been in touch with the Midwifery Mental health team, but honestly, I just want a friend. I have some fabulous ones, but I feel I can't speak to them about how I really feel, because they get angry with me, tell me to suck it up and deal, and to just sack him off completely and everything else. I know I should, but it's so hard to do. It's getting too hard to pretend it doesn't hurt, or get to me and I'm honestly not sure I can cope anymore.
Anyone been in a similar situation? How did you get through it? Regardless of being pregnant or not? How did you get someone out from under your skin? How did you muster up the courage to eventually turn around and say no to someone you love? And say enough is enough? I don't know how to process it all, and deal with it. I try to focus all my attention on the baby, but sometimes, it all gets too much and just completely explodes!
Super sorry for the ridiculously long post too! 😢🥺😳😖