Am I overreacting? DH is too affectionate to the point I feel objectified

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My DH thinks he is entitled to grope me whenever he likes because “he just loves me so much” and he can’t understand why it makes me uncomfortable. He thinks I should just learn to deal with it as he is a super affectionate person and this is how he expresses himself. We are having “sessions” 2-3 times per week so it’s not like he is missing out there. The groping is always in the most inconvenient times like when I am cooking or with my dd asleep right next to me. When I tell him it makes me uncomfortable he just gets the huff and excuses me of not loving him.

Smack his knuckles and say "hands off". There's a time and a place...

He’s being unreasonable. And it’s not affection. Your body is not his and it’s not an object.

It’s a matter of respect. He’s a twat for going off in a huff.

He’s treating you like something that belongs to him - he should care that you don’t like it, but he doesn’t.

No you’re not overreacting. Have ended 2 relationships where this was an issue, it led to me avoiding their physical contact entirely, because they never respected my personal space. You are entitled to do chores & go about your routines without being groped. Gropers are sex pests. He is putting his wants before your needs.

This kind of thing I realise now signifies an underlying emotional disconnect between partners - it shows a lack of true intimacy.

Show him this:

yes prawnsword, I feel like I am flinching every time he comes in for a hug now

Is he a prick in other ways too?

love that pic AtrociousCircumstance

im confused by your descriptions of being too affectionate then references to groping.

Sprouts - (sorry don’t know how to tag your name here) the difference between real affection & groping in this situation is like...affection is absentmindedly brushing your arm against the small of your partner’s back as you pass them in the kitchen say.

Groping can be obviously, or subtly different & personally it eroded my self esteem over time & made me jumpy to physical touch, when usually with a loved one DO like physical affection! But it wasn’t....it felt sexual, which when am in the middle of dishes, or loading the washing is not sexy! I felt there was no escaping it without it leading to some passionate interaction which was taking me away from being in the moment & getting my chores done ! Which often, by the way should have been shared chores - in my experience gropers are often lazy housekeepers (again, only my experience here). This plays into my frustration because was trying to keep the house running & they just want to cup my tit or bum, then push against me, or kiss my neck until have to pay them attention & give them what they want.

After time, would wonder why can’t he feel me tense & not be into it ? Am I a great actress when am not in the mood ? Does he notice & not care ? I know I wouldn’t want to invade someone’s space & kiss + hug them if they weren’t feeling it or busy.

Guys like this are objectifying - you’re their GF/wife, so this is what you’re meant to do! He is allowed to shower affection (which is really getting sexual at an innapropriate time) and reducing you to a sexual object who should react appropriately at his touch.

This is an issue very close to my heart, so please know am highly subjective on this matter. Can only share my feelings & experiences as OP - relate to you 100% but don’t want to overdramatise as maybe your situation is not so bad & your man may truly love you. In my experience neither of these men loved ME. That’s all I know for sure.

Xo

The fact that you tell him to stop and he doesn't is extremely alarming. It clearly shows he has zero respect for you. Why are you putting up with this? This isn't love, it's assault.

Aquamarine - he does stop he just goes off in the huff and sulks

prawnsword - thank you for your reply. I do believe he truly loves me and does not understand how I don't like the constant touching, he has even suggested I need to get counseling. He thinks if you are madly in love with someone they you can't keep you hands off them.

I could have written your post myself OP. I haven't raised the subject with DH but I'm desperate to, it has really turned me off him and likewise makes me flinch and withdraw into myself if he comes near Me!

trying to touch you when you don't want to be touched and then huffing and sulking when you don't agree is really unattractive -- at best.

That you think it is groping and he thinks it is something he is entitled to do is really worrying.

DH is very affectionate. We were recently talking about the metoo movement and consent etc (we have college age kids of both sexes and talk to them about this) and the thing about being caught up in the moment and he said to me "but I get explicit consent from you for everything we do". 25 years married and I hadn't really noticed but after that I did and yes he does.

You married him OP so he surely must have shown these tendencies before you married...?

You'll just have to make very clear what you don't like.

You're not his property that he can just grab you whenever he wants. His attitude is really wrong, he's treating you like a sex doll not like another human. Is he generally disrespectful about other things too?

Wonderful to be so loved but he has absolutely no right to grope you.

He doesn't love you, he thinks he owns you.

The times you describe him doing this are times when he thinks you can't object due to the situation ie cooking you might burn yourself or spoil the food, with your daughter asleep next to you means you won't want to wake her by making noise or moving.

Surely that's a bit sick?

It's creepy.

The thought of it makes me panic a bit just reading your OP and I loves my DH to bits.
It's a bit lot possessive and proprietorial and if it's not invited or wanted you are right OP, you are being objectified. Quite what you do about it though because the sulking is manipulative so he is a manipulator anyway and I suspect the constant touching is also manipulative. Tell him in stark terms that this part of his behaviour is making you feel manipulated maybe and bollocks to his reaction!
Has he had a sudden change in his life that is making him clingy?

That's abusive and you need to stop him. He doesn't respect your boundaries. I he a sex pest too? Do you feel BL ged to gave ex or give in to him to stop the pestering?

That is not affection, that is ownership

Does he ever show affection towards you through just a hug or a little kiss or other non sexual ways? Did he grow up in an unaffectionate home?
He may not know how to be affectionate towards you without being sexual but dont be manipulated by his actions.
Carry on telling him his groping is unwanted and unattractive.
Let him go off in a huff.