I met a relationships board wanker in real life today..

[DaphneCanDoBetterThanFred]

Blimey. I just got cornered at work by a man I don’t know AT ALL who mistook me for a friendly smiley shoulder to talk at. (God knows why? I was only being vaguely ‘nice’ as he’s a representative from a client and my boss was literally yards away.) This is an edited version as the full conversation was hideous and boring, but end to end it took about 5-10 minutes.

Random unknown man comes to thank me for my presentation. Without a word from me, he pulls up a chair to where me and my colleague are sitting and segues into a monologue about how he’s new to the area because he just got divorced. Colleague makes sympathetic noises and asks how he’s getting on, while receiving death stares from me. Random man continues: It’s sad he had to move as he has a one year old, but to be honest, having the baby damaged the relationship which he really hadn’t expected. He hasn’t noticed my wtf face. I say great, I’m sure the people from his company will make him feel very welcome and show him the sights. Thank you for coming, I have to go and finish up now. He literally grabs my arm, and says he hope he didn’t offend me with the baby comment. It’s just so hard that when the baby was born his wife stopped paying him any attention and he couldn’t cope, and the relationship fell apart. My face is like before I compose myself and sympathetically say I had worried about the same when my oldest was born. My baby was totally helpless and relied on me for everything but luckily dh was a grown man who could make his own food and wipe his own bottom and we’d somehow pulled through. Colleague finally notices my face and escorts twat to the coffee machine.

Am I overreacting? Bad enough that he’s a real life loser who couldn’t cope when they didn’t get 100% of their wife’s attention, you know, sod the poor helpless baby that’s relying on her, it’s all me, me, me, but to actually admit that with no shame to people you have known for 5 minutes??

If you’re relatively recently separated and your crap h has moved away for work, congratulations on getting rid of him, have a massive drink to celebrate! I bloody need one after 5 minutes in his company!

Is this a common thing that I’ve just managed to avoid until now?

"My baby was totally helpless and relied on me for everything but luckily dh was a grown man who could make his own food and wipe his own bottom and we’d somehow pulled through. "

did you actually say that? If so, brilliant!

You were right and he sounds vile but you were at work and he was a client. I'd have probably kept it zipped.

It sounds like you came across as unprofessional and a bit overly invested in his past relationship.

Grace, I did! I said it with a weird fixed grin though so he probably didn’t notice any of the bloody sarcasm! I don’t know whether to cringe or go back in time and kick him in the shins!

He started the unprofessionalism though! The man needs boundaries. Therefore I absolve myself of any outspokenness.

Well he was fully not self aware was he, it's a common thing for blokes to talk to blokes like this. As an example. I take a week off to because I was in court for child arrangement, prohibited steps & contact orders (and I have v.bad anxiety attacks when near X). So arrogant narcissist third part consultant proceeds to tell me how he was taken to the cleaners, had to pay for support and was only allowed contact once a month for a couple if hoyrs. No he'd paid no attention to my circumstances and my colleagues faces were well . Now I'm renound for being quite blunt and I said to him.

Well mate you must have been a right bastard to your missus

The upshot of this is that if we're in a meeting together he keeps his trap shut now, which pleased my colleagues no end.

I'm with you. I don't think you need to indulge people if they volunteer their personal lives to you, client or not. I think if you go personal you have to expect to get personal back, and that includes being spoken to like a massive twatbag, if that's what you are!

But then again I do have a workplace reputation to consider, and that isn't one of suffering male fools.

Either he's a complete jerk, or he's got some sort of PTSD from the shock of separation. What a weird thing to say though! I'd defo keep my distance from him in future.

Why did he overshare all this? Ffs and then grab your arm, that’s not pleasant 😬😲

It’s actually quite funny
Well not for the kid. But you know, swings and roundabouts
Tosser

I was thinking he was at that stage where it's such a shock and you feel you just have to talk to someone. No idea why he chose you to talk to, though!

OP you are fab!

I've only had one man tell a similar story with the expectation of sympathy - it was also at a work thing. I don't know what is wrong with these people.

OP I love you

You definitely weren’t unprofessional, you were standing your ground especially after he grabbed your arm. Client or no, anyone who gets hold of me like that is going to get short shrift.

He sounds like a complete bellend (not to mention to sort of man you see on Fathers4Justice marches, wittering on about how hard done by they are, with absolutely no self awareness) and his wife is probably glad she’s just got the one child to look after now.

Hopefully you won't get any consequences, though if your boss is a misogynist, unfortunately, there might be some fallout. Because you were a Bad Woman in that you weren't immediately willing to indulge and flatter A Man who wanted your attention. Never mind the fact that he was rude, intrusive, inappropriate and unprofessional: there are still some people who think that the whole point and purpose of women is to make men feel better about themselves...

But well done .

Ugh he sounds awful. Why do these men think women want to hear their shit?

He sounds like he was either trying to crack onto one of you.

He didn’t care which. Just thought that crying about his divorce would get the sympathy card.

Yikes, OP! I thought I was alone in having the invisible sign above my head that reads “Are you a) a bit of a self-absorbed twat? B) Did you last update your sexual politics in the 19th century? C) would you like to talk about it? Come right over!” Generally I get oblivious waffle about ‘fanciable’ women . An example being a middle aged male colleague who eulogised some female celebrity only to pause and add “but it’s so sad because.....she got old’. With great restraint on my part (I thought) I observed through gritted teeth that ‘getting old’ was common to us all if we were lucky, was it not? Whilst gazing pointedly at his greying hair and expanding girth......

I had this once in the Music shop in town, I wasn't surprised it went out of business. Funnily enough the new one which opened in exactly the same shop after a gap of a year + seems to be thriving.

@Bekabeech

lol. presume wrong thread

I think these men actually tell the sob story in the hope of pulling!

Not wrong thread - sorry - he told me the in depth details of his divorce, and I just wanted to buy my daughter's music and get out. But was very British about it...

Ewwwww, very unattractive. No awareness at all even after being shown the consequences of behaving like that, they still just whine on about it with a sense of grievance in their backs. Just revolting really. boak.

I think it's just a quick and dirty technique to see if you will be amenable to his 'advances'

he's looking for a woman that will put up with any shit that he gives her so if you respond the way he likes to that story he knows that you'll be a good victim for him

I'm not entirely sure you should have said anything, as he was a client. But clearly he was a prat. DH has a friend who is one of these men. Thank god he lives far away and I only hear about his whinging post divorce via DH - who is completely unsympathetic to the man. But I wouldn't be able to be polite in person....