I have name changed as this is massively outing, so much so that I’ve just a few little details (no drip feed, honest)
Basically, I have lost all sense when it comes to my ‘marriage’ and I feel like I can no longer see what is considered normal.
I’ve been married a number of years, with a fairly long relationship beforehand. I was a big earner during the first years of our marriage and essentially supported the husband. Paid off his debts, paid majority of bills. I was ok with this as I still earned good money and he was helping me do up my house (owned by me).
Marriage was pretty good, we got on well and felt just ‘easy’.
I then fell pregnant, unexpectedly. I felt that our relationship changed then. We stopped sleeping in the same bed, but still had some intimacy. He always said that he wanted me to sleep well so I thought he was just being caring. Now I’m not so sure?
On a few occasions whilst I was pregnant he was very verbally aggressive and on one occasion he pinned me to the bed. He would often disappear for hours on end to see friends/drink.
But all came to a head when my precious baby was born. I had an extremely traumatic birth and resulted in me very nearly dying. I lost weeks with my baby as I was so poorly. He was AWFUL. He frequently left me alone to care for our baby, even though I couldn’t even lift my baby. He simply didn’t care.
We separated when my baby was just a ew months on and a few years later I still live alone with my child. But over the years we have had a good relationship and he seemingly cares a lot for us. Things were going so well that I considered asking him if he wished to return home.
But there have been a few incidents where I’ve wondered whether the same behaviours will just resurface. He is verbally aggressive on occasions and will refuse to talk things through, he’ll just run away and turn his phone off/block my number til he’s ‘cooled down’. This can go on for 24-48 hours plus.
He can also never accept any responsibility when we have argued and one line he’ll always use if that he ‘won’t take all the blame’.
He has also made comments about not having a share in the house. It almost feels like he just wants something for nothing.
He has also never ever had our child alone. He has never spent more than a few minutes watching him. I asked him to have him for the afternoon a few days back and he’d made a few excuses why he couldn’t.
He comes from a complicated family where he witnessed constant abuse. Can someone like this be ‘good people’ who just need guidance. Or do I need to get over this now? I am so confused. There are so many good points, he has perfect manners, he’s caring and we get on so well.