Hi all, first time in this board but it fits my issue best.
Today was the day where I finally cut all contact with my mother and I’m struggling with it.
I’ll give you a brief insight to our relationship, and I’ll try not to drip feed.
She had me as a teenager and has always made a point of reminding me I was a mistake, but she kept me. She feels I should be grateful to her for being alive.
She always says what a horrible child I was, I had colic and cried for 3 months and that was the start of my ‘nastiness’ according to her. It has gotten progressively worse in her eyes and she likes to tell everyone she meets how horrible I was, how much I did wrong, and how hard I made her life in comparison to my sister.
I wasn’t a particularly challenging teenager, I didn’t drink, smoke or do drugs, sneak out of the house or let boys in, I didn’t steal, break the rules or do much but answer back as they were forever shouting at me. Yet she tells everyone what a nightmare I was.
As an adult she belittles me at every given opportunity and makes me feel like crap. She’s even started to call my DS names such as ‘little shit’ and manipulates him into giving her hugs and kisses.
She’s forever putting everyone else around her down, even sluts towards my DH despite me telling her numerous times to stop. She tells me I’m a ‘drama-queen’ and over reacting as it’s a joke and I should instantly take it as one even if we’re upset.
She muscles in on everything, and demands eternal gratitude.
She insisted on buying my wedding dress, but wouldn’t let me have any say in it, to the point I went along with what she wanted even though I felt disgusting and it was painful to wear.
More recently it was DS’s Christening and instead of letting me have a small gathering like we wanted, she hired a hall in my name, ordered an £80 cake which I was left paying for as I didn’t find out until it was made, and ordered a load of decorations in a theme I would never have gone for.
She then proceeded to invite all of her family and friends including her NDN who I don’t even know.
She was very angry, or so I found out today, when I didn’t publicly thank her during the party for all of her hard work, even though I did in person.
She has a horribly short fuse and shouts and swear when anything that upsets her comes up. We (Me, and my M & F) were having a discussion about a house she wants to buy and do up the other day and she wasn’t happy when my F said no as he’s end up doing all the work. She shouted and said ‘What’s the alternative?! Leaving the money to that thing?!’ Pointing at me.
Apparently this was a joke, but after telling her how upset I was she ranted about how horrible I am to her and that I’m always looking for an argument and looking for ways to upset her, she didn’t even say sorry until I said I was done with her. Even then it was ‘Sorry, now I want a sorry for not thanking me at the Christening party!’ 
She has been physically and emotionally abusive all my life, but now I have DS I can see how much I would never want him to feel like I do, and truly I want her away from him. She has an awful drinking problem and her dislike (hate?) for me seems to be worse then.
My F has said today that I need to get help from a professional as I ‘act so hard done by’ and she ‘meant nothing’ by her ‘that thing!’ comment.
He often excusing her behaviour and playing go between on her behalf. She’s only apologised to me once in my life, and that was after she ruined my hen do by getting stinking drunk.
She does love DS, even if she is manipulative and often says things like ‘stupid mummy doing...’ and ‘Oi! Stop being a little shit’ to him, even though I’ve told her time and time again not to swear at him or around him.
She likes to buy gifts for us, mainly so she can tell others she’s done so from what I can see, but the other day she bought me some jumpers and tops (they’re a lot bigger than I am, so part of me thinks a slight dig but that is probably me being sensitive) so she shows love in some way, but I don’t know how much longer I can have her as part of my life.
If anybody could give me any other perspective or advice that’d be lovely. Thank you.