I could really do with some impartial opinions on this, as my ex keeps making me feel like I am unreasonable, yet I think I am just trying to act in the kids best interests.
First of all some backstory: relationship lasted 5 years with on and offs, 2 kids plus 36 weeks pregnant (he is the father of all 3). Within the five years we had horrible arguments, emotional and physical abuse on both sides, he left me pregnant with 2nd kid and found someone else, came back, cheated on me, left me pregnant with this baby and has a new girlfriend now. And yes I am Awre, we were very toxic and yeap it was contraception failure every time.
We officially broke up in June, he was in New relationship in July, though she was a coworker and I had seen flirty/banter msgs between them prior to breakup so, she may or may not have been the ow. She is 17 to his 35. Since he has been with her, he has shown little to no interest in baby that's due next month, and has spent little time with our kids, and mostly with my chasing him and pushing for contact.
The communication between me and him has gradually deteriorated to the point where we cannot even spend 5 mins without being at each others throats, and even when I try to be factual and amicable for the kids sake, anything I say is viewed as malicious or a declaration of war.
So current issue is: he wants his girlfriend present during contact time, and I know for.a fct that he has had her around the kids despite me saying I don't want her to be.
Current contact arrangements, as suggested by social services who have supported me quite a lot through all this: pick up the 18 month DS at 2.30 twice a week pick up DD at 3 from nursery and return them by 4 to my house, andonce a week pick up DS at 12.30 and DD at 1 and return by 4. He lost his job, pays no maintenance, lives at his mums out of town, so EOW or overnights are not possible. At beat he has 6hrs per week with the kids, although in reality it's more like 3 as with the weather too shitty to be outdoors and him too skint to go anywhere with the kiss, he just bring them back after nursery pick up and goes away.
On the other hand, he spends almost every say with his gf, l have bumped into him a lot in our small town having a coffee or something with her (I assume she pays). She sleeps over at his mums etc
Despite the fact that out of the 168hrs in a week that he spends literally doing nothing, he only sees the kids 3-6hrs a week, he still insists that he wants her present during contact time!
I have sent him a long email outlining my reasons why I don't want her present at the contact time. In short Too soon, based on age difference unlikely relationship to last and don't want a string of people coming in and out of their lives, the fact he has said she is an equal priority to him as the kids (so doubtful he would put kids needs first if it came down to it), barely sees kids as is and the kids are entitled to one on one time with him without her present, her general attitude of entitlement to having a relationship with the kids just cause she is seeing him, her neediness of his at tention when he is with the kids (he has said so himself as well as witnessing his phone going off dozens and dozens of time when he had contact at my house)
His response was he will only see them with her. Ihe has refused to address my points, and says my decision is one sided and I am stopping him from seeing the kids. How can it not be one sided if he refuses to provide his side?! The best answer I have gotten from him with regards to my reasons (and by best beat I mean the only answer that's relevant that doesn't accuse me of being a petty jealous bitch) is that he trusts her and he thinks she will be around for a long time. So basically trust his opinion because he says so.
Oh forgot to say, up until a week ago he was saying he is not in a relationship with her they are just seeing ech other and that he doesn't think it will last long cause she will find someone her own age a d leave him lol
Everytime I try to discuss it with him I am left feeling like I am crazy and unreasonable and feeling guilty that he is not going to see the kids. Yet when I try to to disregard what he says, and think logically without letting emotions rule, I feel like I am justified to put my foot down on this..
So what I am asking is, is he trying to gaslight me or am I unreasonable? BTW I haven't said to him she can never be around the kids, I have said not yet. And when I briefly dated someone else after the breakup, he went all mental about the guy being possibly round the kids and reported me twice to social services saying I am neglectful of the kids and that I don't have their beat interests at hert (SS investigated and ruled that his accusations were baseless and malicious)
For anyone that managed to ead all thy u deserve a cookie and some wine lol