Paternity Test

[DevastatedDad2018]

Hi, just found out last week via DNA test that my 12 year old daughter is not biologically mine. Results were i am excluded as biological father. Im truely devastated and don't know what to do. Im no longer with my ex we split 2 years ago. Ive confronted her and she is denying the results of the test and trying to gaslight me and make me question the test. Don't know what to do how could someone lie to a person for 12 years letting them believe they are related to someone when they are not. Ive just been a meal ticket and feel so stupid.

I'd personally document everything so that you DD knows the truth and that you will always love her no matter what. Even if her mother forbids her from seeing you to spite you,. Eventually DD will become old enough to make her own mind up and will probably want a relationship with you. The behaviour of the mother will only bring herself misery and probably alienate her daughter in the long term.

Thank you everyone for you comments and support.

OP, I know all the potential scenarios of you being sidelined are running through your head, and running fast. But to DD you are her Dad. That won't change even if Brad Pitt comes out of the woodwork.

You won't be ousted from your real place, which is as her true father. You'll always be her dad if you're always there.

I don't want to get too detailed, but I know two people (they're now mid-20s) who were brought up by a bloke and his wife. They're no relation, and believe you me he was surprised to have two babies land on the doorstep. (Yes, this was in England, and yes, this can still happen but that's not the point.)

Both boys really love the bloke - my mate - and refer to him fondly as Dad. The birth father rolled up a few years later, and tbh, relations aren't great.

Children ain't stupid - they love the parent who loves them.

OP Are you married or in a relationship now?

Have you thought of having more children?

I'd be very pissed off that she's still denying it. DNA doesn't lie.

I really do feel for you.

I just wanted to confirm that the DNA test was made by a reputable lab and not one of this mail order who knows from where ones.

I can't even imagine the pain and betrayal. And I understand how this can affect your relationship with DD. I hear all the voices here talking about IVF or step parents or adoption. But that is a choice and fathers know and agree to it. The shock of knowing that a child is not biologically yours will definitely have an impact no less than 12 years later. Think about counseling and work through your pain OP. Do what feels right for you at the moment, you don't have to make rushed decissions. And also think of your DD feelings when she is not even aware of the situation. I wish you all the best.

I agree Giggles.. foster, step and adoptive parents have not been deceived. It really isn't comparable by any means.

I hope you find a way to get through this, with minimal impact on your DD.

The consequences of her cheating is having far reaching implications on innocent people. Her continued denials just go to show her selfish character.

Hiya, these test can come back foulty get a few or go to the clinic and find out don't go off one because it could be wrong and cause mass devastation for this child.

Just wow! your ex's behaviour is disgusting no wonder you're angry and you're allowed to be she stood by and let you bond with a child without telling you the possibility that the baby could be someone else's! I definitely agree to paying her no more cash and just buying your daughter what she needs and definitely seek legal advice. As for the people posting on here about put aside your feelings and continue to be a dad to this girl they need to get a grip you have every right to feel betrayed and very pissed off at your ex and the situation that really is deceitful and believe you me she will know about it when/if your daughter finds out as the saying goes you reap what you sow.

Lastly I doubt it will change how your daughter feels about you the man I call dad has raised me like his own since I was young and it makes no difference to me about blood he was there and acted like a dad where it counted and as a result my nieces and nephews know him as their grandad who they adore. Hopefully you get through this and will have a strong relationship with this girl regardless of blood relation she will remember you were there for her :)

SandyY2K Im in a relationship now with a great girl. She has no children. No i do not want any children i was content with the one i had. The thought of starting again is too much. The fact she is denying it is making things harder but tbh her actions and responses tell the full story anyway and as you say DNA doesn't lie.

GigglesForEd The DNA company i used was taken from a list of court accredited companies on the uk.gov website. I agree had she been honest with me 12 years ago i may well have stayed but as you said that would have been a choice she took that choice away from me for her own selfish reasons.

Mother196 From my research into paternity testing it is extremely rare for an exclusion to be false with regards to dna paternity testing. I used a ministry of justice accredited lab which should rule out lab error and i have already been in touch with lab and they are re running the tests to confirm the result. I told ex i would pay to have another test done but she is being evasive which i think says it all.

Ariesgirl1988 Thank you.

@DevastatedDad2018

I was 14 when I found out my “Dad” wasn’t my bio Dad. I had and have zero interest in my bio Dad. I don’t care who he is. Or what his excuses are. The man who raised me despite knowing there were doubts over my paternity is my Dad. He split with my Mum when I was 6 and continued to see me as if I were his own that whole time. I can’t guarantee your DD will feel the same, though.

I know your head must be in a spin. Your DD, when you decide to tell her, will feel even worse. To her, you’re her Dad and she loves you.

Take your ex out of the equation and just focus on you and your DD.

I can only imagine the hurt there must be. I agree with a lot of what has been said. I think you will need counseling, as this must feel like a bereavement in many ways. Betrayal of any form is traumatic. I'm sure there must be temptation to hurt back, remember always that it is not the child at fault. I truly hope you get the help you need to get over this. Look after yourself at this time. All the best.

I told ex i would pay to have another test done but she is being evasive which i think says it all.

She knew all along and would have taken it to her grave.

It's despicable behaviour quite frankly.

She's playing with people's lives and feelings.

@SandyY2K

I do believe your right. When confronted face to face rather than calmly and confidently assert her position I was met with anger eventually leading to crocodile tears and sobbing.

Any time ive mentioned a retest the response i get is "she will sort it". I wouldve thought an innocent woman would be demanding a retest is organised NOW asap. Also if she was innocent i would expect to hear pretty sharpish from the CSA as i have stoppede her maintenence. As yet ive heard nothing.

I just wish she would admit it so i can have my closure and move on but i don't think she ever will and no appology will ever come my way.

You don't need her admission. You know the truth. She knows the truth and she's just angry you've found out.

She knows this will mean eventually her parents...family...your family.

Lying about paternity has far reaching implications and consequences.

If for example your parents were going to leave DD an inheritance...they may decide not to. Or leave her less than other GC.

You were the better choice of father...or she would have gone with the other man if it was an option.

Typo

She knows this will mean eventually her parents...family...your family will find out.

I'm so sorry to read this DevastatedDad18

it's an evil thing to lie in such a cruel way to a man.

Well got my results from the retest the lab were doing. It has confirmed the initial result i am excluded as biological father. I knew it would be but opening that letter and reading it was no easier the second time around im in pieces all over again.

I was just hoping and praying they had made a mistake first time round. All hope seems to be gone. Devastated!!

How you doing OP ?

@BumbleBeee69

Not great to be brutally honest. Think i had it in my head the retest was gonna show they made a mistake. Thats what i was hoping for but nope reality hit hard again.

I would imagine if I’d like a grief process. You will go through all the emotions of losing what you thought was real but there is still a young girl here.

Be very kind to yourself .

You might never find out who her biological father is but you will always be her dad . The one who raised her .

I would give yourself time before you consider how to move forward for you and your dd.

OP I'm sure none of us will fully understand how you are feeling and what a shock it must be, and how angry you must feel at the betrayal.
However (and I know it's been said before) biology alone doesn't make a father.
My ex provided genetic material but little else. My DH is the one who raised my DC since they were young, he made them who they are, and they "take after him", I swear they really do. Nurture vs nature.
Don't despair, you are still your daughter's father and you had already lost your ex.
I hope this won't affect your bond with your daughter.

Pre natal paternity test.

Hello. I am looking for advice on prenatal paternity tests. Has anyone had a prenatal paternity test in the UK? What are your recommendations and were the results accurate? What was the procedure?

Please be kind on this thread. This requirement is completely unexpected and I'm feeling incredibly anxious so please only reply with compassion.

Thank you in advance

Elona

Elona you've posted on a 2 year old thread. I'd suggest you start your own thread on this subject.

Thank you. Sorry, first time here.