Advice on partners behaviour

[Nursemama2]

Hi all - this is my first post and I’ve joined purely for advice as I’m too embarrassed to ask friends ..

I have been with my partner almost a year, he is great with my daughter and I get on so well with this. I’d say we have a good relationship - obviously we have ups and downs like a lot of couples.

We have always had an amazing sex life from when we met and it’s only got better - sometimes having sex multiple times in the day when we’re both off work.

In the summer time a females name popped up on his snapchat - never had him down as hiding things or a cheat etc but he was quite odd about this when he seen I seen.

This lead me to look through his phone which is something I never would have done - snap chat thing was fine it was a random girl who he actually appeared to have never spoken to. But his internet history was something to be desired.

Every day nearly he was on porn sites - before sex, after sex (worked out times) .. times when he was “in the toilet” even times when we were all in the house!!

I told him this makes me feel really insecure and not comfortable with myself as it was SO MUCH. Couple months later I checked again and he’s still doing it - either searching celeb female names or porn. I was admitted to hospital with ill health and the emotion of it all worrying that he’d be on porn a lot made it all surface again - I said I feel on edge because of it all. He said no one compares to me blah blah and that’s it no more porn.

So for a couple months I haven’t looked at his phone as I took his word but once again longer bathroom trips, things not being done in the house - so I looked again. This time he’s searching really weird things like watching men have sex with sex dolls which are tiny things - I found this quite disturbing!! Also women of a different ethnicity, even googling character names off his game red dead redemption and typing after them “xxx” to try and find explicitly out of this!! As well as this Pokemon xxx and princess peach xxx - on top of all the other stuff! I mean wtf! It looks like he’s deleted a lot of history (obviously he doesn’t want me to see) but has forgotten to delete this more recent weird stuff.

Now il explain how it’s effecring me. I don’t want to dress up in nice underwear for him because I now can’t stop thinking of the hundreds of other women (or cartoons - if I didn’t laugh I’d cry) he’s got himself off to. On top of this even during sex I’m wondering if he’s thinking of that? When I’m at work I’m wondering if he’s on it (yes he was on Thursday it was on his history- I guessed this as nothing was done at home) also he even done it in the hotel bathroom in Disneyland!

I am on edge all the time. I don’t even wanna watch shows such as I’m a celebrity incase he’s perving.

What do I do? I genuinely am considering ending it as I’m so insecure.

You’re just not compatible. His sexual interests and the sheer volume of time he spends looking at porn make you feel shit. He either can’t control it or doesn’t want to. Therefore you’ll continue to feel shit.

So yeah, the relationship does need to end.

That’s exactly how I’m feeling which is a shame as we do everything together - he wants to be with me all the time and we do love sex together we really do but this secret side to him I absolute hate and it’s ruining my life, I’m turning into a complete irrational paranoid person. If I told him I wanted to break up he’d be horrified but I feel like he’s had chances now, I’ve tried speaking about it and he still continues it :(

You're incompatible. He likes porn, you don't. Neither of you are wrong, just different tastes. Neither of you are going to change so you should end it.

we do everything together

Not everything!

Yes clearly not 😂 again if I didn’t laugh I’d cry haha!

Are you living together?

Yes we are, and If I didn’t have these issues with him I’d say our relationship would be perfect but obviously not due to my insecurities x

If what he is doing ( and it sounds totally disrespectful to you!) is affecting you so much, but he’s not adjusting his behaviour, then you need to re- think your relationship.

Is having a wank more important to him than you’re feelings?

Your relationship is not perfect - not due to your insecurities, but because your partner is addicted to porn. Not your fault.

He doesn’t know I’ve seen the porn on his history in the last few days but I’ve actually said to him “I can’t stop worrying about stuff I’m convincing myself I’m doing it while your at work and even in disney”. (I knew he had been, he doesn’t know I know) and he didn’t even try and say “no it isn’t in your head you’re not paranoid it’s true” which has made it worse as I’ve said to him I feel like I’m going mad and feel as if we should end it due to this. He won’t accept it and completely disregards it - just focuses on the fact that I may split up which is what he doesn’t want. I just feel so awkward about it all.

Sorry I meant to say “I’ve convinced myself your doing it while I’m at work”

Even now I’m downstairs sorting washing etc he’s upstairs it wouldn’t even surprise me if he wasn’t on it now 😂😐

I know exactly how you feel, I have identical, except my H hides it better, but he isn't aware that the router can still show private browsing, etc . It's the frequency and the fact it has already been brought up 3 times (although he has no idea how I know, I just mentioned the odd super cookie on his iPad) and yet it still hasn't stopped, does so for 3 weeks or so and starts again. I'm not sure what annoys me more, the lack of honesty or the actual sheer amount of it. Still deciding on what to do, it's hard, it's 23 years marriage in my case and a business but I find it an utter turn off in a relationship

How did you find out? Does he delete his history? I don’t know whether to ask him to go his parents to give me some time to think and tell him I know he accessed it whilst we were at Disneyland

And yes it is a massive turn off especially when he wants to see pokemon characters and super mario characters in an explicit way as well as miniature sex dolls I mean wtf!

Sent you a PM

And yes WTF indeed !!

To be fair I wouldn’t have pulled the incompatibility card. I’d say he has an actual problem that needs professional help. If you see a future with him get him to seek help and pronto. On the other hand if you’d rather just call time kick him out. Ajd burn the computers. Dread to think what’s been in them and on them. Yikes.

Miniature sex dolls?? No. No no no. LTB.

You don’t need to put up with this.

They aren't miniature sex dolls op, they are dolls of children it's the newest thing out of China

You have a child, this is far from normal, he made need more hard core stuff to get the same buzz in the future. It sounds like it's escalating now anyway

Ridiculous to put it down to incompatibility. If this is the standard norm for men these days we are all fucked. Your dp has a massive porn addiction op, it's not normal and it's not ok. It's as serious as any other addiction as it has the ability to ruin as many lives as alcohol or gambling. You need to be upfront with him, tell him exactly what you know, take screen shots of it all as evidence because the denial will start straight away and he'll delete everything. Tell him it's porn or you, no exceptions, excuses or 2nd chances. Expect him to choose porn and get your ducks in a row.
You deserve so much more then a looser addicted to porn.

I think they’re called “onahole” dolls - well that’s what I’m guessing from the title of the movie he was watching anyway 😡 I’m going to ask him tonight if he’s been on porn recently and ask him direct to see his history - if he Denys and it’s been deleted I’ve already got screenshots and il tell him I can’t trust him.

The onahole word is a Japanese English word combining the word for masturbation in Japanese with the word hole. It refers to fake vaginas/vulvas, usually silicon.

When they're put in/combined with a doll, it's called a onahole doll.

I'd say you could combine them with any sex doll of any size, I don't know what the mini sex doll thing is about: whether it is indeed supposed to represent a child as a poster said above.

The site I saw a onahole product on said it could put in/attached to their school girl doll _ Japanese porn has a fixation in schoolgirls, which is definitely dodge given its a demographic that's partly under 16/17.

Anyway, he's a porn addict.

I agree with others that it's not a compatibility issue. The vast majority of women wouldn't be compatible with him.

I couldn't like/respect/fancy someone who's constantly wanking to porn. Even going into bathrooms to do it. It's too much, it's sad, it's disturbing. And I'd feel like the sex we has was fuelled by all the porn, and it wasn't so much sex with me - as sex using me as a masturbatory aid.