To think he's just not that into me?

[Novasglow]

I've been seeing a guy most weekends since July. As time has gone on he's acted more and more "coupley" with me when we're together. Even in front of my friends over time and last weekend in front of his best friend who I'd invited over for drinks as part of a group. When we went to bed I asked him if he wanted to do the whole "relationship thing". He said it was too early in the morning so I didn't mention it again. Hadn't really heard from him since, then he text me in the middle of the day to say he'd been thinking about what I said at the weekend, it gave him a lot to think about. He wanted to know what I think because "he doesn't know what he thinks" apparently if I want to talk about it then he will, but if I want to leave it he's okay with that too.
He's always happy to make plans with me and then ring me last minute when I'm all dressed up and waiting, just to let me down. Surely if he wanted to be with me he'd know by now? He'll not contact me for days at a time because he's "in a bad place" but constantly like other girls photos on social media and flirt.
I feel humiliated for saying anything, and like he's keeping his options open for an upgrade.
I'm a single mum, was very happy on my own before this. I've fallen head over heels. On paper he's not a good prospect - struggling in a job he'll never succeed in, always living on the poverty line, smokes weed constantly, lives with his parents. But it's so lovely when we're together, constant cuddles and he tells me how beautiful I am. But I feel used. Am I just a fool to carry on being messed around?

YES. Sorry but you are being a fool. Said with love.

What is good about him apart from him telling you what you want to hear when you’re together? He cuddles and tells you you’re beautiful.

Does he make you feel safe, happy and hopeful? Or anxious, unsure, not good enough, on shaky ground?

Then ask yourself, how SHOULD someone make you feel? This man is using you - he isn’t nice.

Also men who smoke weed constantly... no.

It doesn't seem like he wants a relationship with you. He just wants a woman in his life to play the girlfriend role.

I don't feel you are being used intentionally but he is messing you around.

I would end it.

Sounds a bit of a jerk to be honest. You’re trying to survive off the crumbs of a second rate relationship. Let’s face it, many relationships don’t survive at the best of times as this forum is a testimant to. But st least have a guy who’s into you and dedicated to your happiness.

Letting you down constantly, showing interest in other women, doing drugs and showing little interest in making a future for himself let alone you? This is a no brainer. You’re entitled to be happy. This relationship is like the titanic waiting to hug an iceberg.

This loser is 'struggling in a job he'll never succeed in, always living on the poverty line, smokes weed constantly, lives with his parents'. On what planet is this an appealing prospect?? Plus, he constantly flakes out on meeting up at the last minute! Dear fucking god, why on earth are you giving this joker any of your precious time

Dump him. If a man doesn't make you feel safe, then he's not the man for you. The thought of this guy ignoring you and clicking "Like" all over the place is sickening.

You can do and deserve far better.

The letting you down thing is due to the weed smoking. I have mates who do this, they won't change. After a few joints they are too spaced out to want to do anything especially if it involves leaving the house. People like this won't change as they are essentially addicted to the weed. It's a massive red flag if you want something more meaningful. The things he says to you aren't actions. Remember actions speak louder than words and him letting you down is an action.

Also do you consider yourself vulnerable? Recently out of a relationship or something similar? This might explain why you feel you are head over heels with him at the moment.

What a waste of time and space. He's living with his parents and smoking weed! What do you want? - him to come and smoke weed and cocklodge at your place instead? Get rid of this manchild!

The fact you are even asking...

Urgh. Cuddles and the odd compliment? Is that it? Nah, you're worth more than this. He would not stand you up if he knew or cared how much effort you went to so he probably doesn't care that much. It's horrible isn't it. Go low/nc and ween yourself off the whole idea of him.

You’ve only been seeing him 4-5 months. This is the honeymoon period. This is as good as it gets. You’ve got yourself a big manbaby. Ditch him and find someone who’s good enough for you.

You've dodged a bullet. Honestly. You feel used for a reason. Don't waste any more time on this loser.

Yes, he’s a fuckboy.

You sound put-together and worthy of so much more.

I'm no expert but he isn't your soulmate or rock. Sorry, not wishing to be harsh, just very sad to read. Dump him, move on, your right isn't that into you, but that's ok. And to be totally honest you have had a lucky escape.

Hope you find someone nice soon

Think it’s unanimous, OP!

Thank you all for your advice. I cried reading it all, because it's actually hit home. I can't disagree with anything that's been said. I tried my best and still got shit all over. Think I'll just have to lick my wounds and let it go.

This is what I get for letting my guard down I suppose.

As much as this hurts you now and for a little while take the correct and sensible action and do unto him as he has done unto you. Go no contact. Dont tell him. Take your power in this usership back.

Cold turkey now!

In less time than that I was engaged.

Op his lack of appeal and behaviour is no reflection of you x

Don’t think of it as b in used, it’s more that you’ve tried him on for size and found he doesn’t fit, that’s all

Don’t shed a tear over this guy, not worth it. And don’t be discouraged about trying to reach out and seek another man. We are not all jerks. Well. To be fair I’m a semi jerk. But I can cook. Which I think balances out the equation.

He wants his shag but he's not into you.
He sounds like a real loser.

Just move on. Lots more men out there.

There are a lot of red flags there!! One or two of them should be enough for you to wave him goodbye and move on xx

The second time he ditched you last minute when you were all dressed up and had plans should have been the last time you spoke to him. Raise your standards OP!