Can I see this date again but as a friend?

[THth115]

I went on a first date last night. We'd been chatting online for about a week and I wanted to meet him quite quickly based on experience of building things up online and then the reality being different.
Anyway the date was so much fun. He was hilarious and brought out my funny side. We spent the whole evening laughing and talking. The time flew by and I didn't want to leave when it was time to. I really enjoyed his company and he said as much to me. He said he'd like to see me again and he'd leave the ball in my court.
However I didn't feel any attraction towards him whatsoever. I didn't want to kiss him, like even the tiniest little bit. If this had been a bog standard date I'd be saying thanks but no thanks and bye. But we got on so well that I feel I want to see him again....but as friends.
Is this something that can actually be done or is it just a nice fantasy? I'm trying to figure out if I can send a text that doesn't sound completely patronising asking him if he'd like to meet up again but keep things platonic. Is it a kick in the teeth? Anyone have experience of this?

hhhmmm I doubt he'd be over the moon about it but you could always ask I guess, all he can say is no really isn't it?

Maybe go out with him again and see if you feel anything on date number 2 ? You might become attracted to his as time goes on.

I did think of a second date and see if something develops BUT I know myself and there is a risk that I will just fall into something without being really conscious of what I want - I have a bad habit of dating people because I know they're into me rather than because I am into them, iykwim.

I think you've got nothing to lose with a second date.

I had this once. Second date was awful. Made it clear to me that we weren't suited.

You don't have to 'fall into' anything.

I think asking him to be friends is a bad idea. Assumes you think he's into you but you're not into him. Could be quite insulting for him to be honest.

True greenfingers. And yes maybe a second date will be more realistic.

I imagine he'll be nice about it and say yes if he's a decent guy but don't expect to hear or see from him again.

No, like you said it's patronising and you'd be wasting his time if he's after a relationship which I'm guessing he is. It's one thing to politely friendzone someone but to then attempt to meet up with them as friends (when they aren't already in your circle)...ouch!

Really? Is it really not ok to try and make a new friend? I do get the patronising/insulting thing.

He might be thinking the same thing after all. He didn't attempt to kiss me or look at me lustily or anything!

If you both feel the same then maybe keep in touch or follow each other on IG or similar then play it by ear. But generally dating people is for forming romantic relationships, friendships usually happen organically through shared interests, meeting friends of friends, through work ect. I don't think it's really fair to invite him on a friend date when he could be investing that time dating a woman who is into him.

Good point Blanche

I think you could do another date and see how you feel. It’s not making a commitment to anything, just be open minded. I don’t see the point in ‘friends.’ Often one person wants more.

someone did that to me and I hated it

said after date 1, when we'd had a fab time, that he didn't think we'd have a relationship but he'd love to be friends

I nearly told him to fuck off. But after pulling up my big girls pants, I went back and said yes, let's be friends. We saw each other a few weeks later and are still friends today, months down the line

just be prepared for him not to want that, which is of course, his perogative

a lot of people have enough friends when they start dating and aren't looking for friends (I wasnt particularly)

I mean I wasn't looking for friends

it is better to be honest though so either way, you should tell him it isn't a goer!

I had a first date with a guy and like you, we got on really well but I didn't fancy him and it was just a peck on the cheek kiss at the end. Because we got on well though I decided to give it another date and I ended up seeing him for a couple of months. Just as i started to feel a bit more for him, he decided the "spark" had gone!
I don't know what my advice is but I guess you could fancy the pants off someone but not have any deeper connection so could you see yourself warming to him in that way if you gave it another date or two?

Did you feel actively repulsed, or just no spark?

If physically you actually feel repulsed by the idea of kissing or more, then I'd not ask for a second date, and maybe have a conversation where you say you had a great time and liked him but no spark, and wondered if he felt the same way, in which case, what about being friends. By assuming he too, didn't fancy you, then it's potentially less embarrassing for him, even if he did fancy you.

If he's nice looking, in your opinion, but no spark, then I'd go for a second date and see what happens. I've had long term relationships with men who I was friends with first, and felt there was no spark, and then one day something clicked in my mind.

Definitely not actively repulsed especially because he was so lovely and funny and respectful, which I realise all goes a long way. It was just that I really really didn't have any urge whatsoever to kiss him and couldn't imagine doing it. I suppose you'd say no spark.
Anyway after reading everyone's comments on here and him asking me if I'd like to see him again, I was honest and said I wasn't sure but that I'd really enjoyed his company and wit and so I'd quite like to give it another go if he did. So we're meeting again next week

Of course you can say you’d just like to be friends. Whether he agrees depends on whether he wants or needs more friends, he may not.

@THth115 Ok, there's a guy I know, only met him early summer of this year. First time we met we just said a friendly hello, bumped into him a few more times, spoke to him a few more times, ended up in the same restaurant one night and that was it ❤️. The first time I met him I had no inclination to snog him ever! See where I'm coming from. Maybe give it a chance.

Second date, OP - then come back and update us

Hope you have another nice evening op.

Haha Ryder

I will update you on the date and my levels of attraction don't worry. I kind of hope I do feel attracted to him, even just a tiny bit would be progress!

I've been there and always prefer to give them a second date before deciding. Sometimes, however, the guys you get on with great and have a laugh with, are simply friends. Unless the guy is drop dead gorgeous, most times a person has to grow on you. I absolutely fancy the pants off my b/f now, can't stop looking at his face and thinking, wow.

I've made three really good guy friends via on line dating, one of which I see at least once a week. Totally possible if it's okay with both parties.