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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone awake, I'm desperate.

34 replies

Blackladybug · 22/11/2018 06:25

This is probably massively outing but I've no where to turn I've been up 2 hours because I can't sleep.

In the last two weeks, I've moved house to be nearer my boyfriend, had a serious operation to remove something which now seems likely to be vulval cancer, I'm still struggling to recover after the operation and in a lot of pain, things had been a little rocky with the boyfriend but every time I spoke to him he reassured me. Now it's over, we've split up, he wanted to stay friends, he loves me but in another way he says. And yesterday I found out that of course there's OW! Of course there is.

I've been through so much shit, DV, refuge, moving county and I really thought I could trust this one. I really really did.

I'm so low it's knocked me down hard. I've a history of mental health problems and it's swept me off my feet. I am across the other side of the city, with no one except him. I can't walk my daughter to school atm (I don't drive) because of the operation so I HAVE to rely on him to take her for me. I tried to do it yesterday and I think I've bust a stitch, I'm bleeding more and in a lot of pain.

I don't know what to do I really don't know what to do. If I knew we would break up I'd never of moved here. I'd have moved county again and been near my mum Sad

OP posts:
SadVillageGirl · 22/11/2018 06:29

Big hugs to you. In regards to support I would contact HomeStart and/or your childrens centre depending on your daughters age. They will be able to sign post you in the first instance. I'd also go to your GP to check your wound/get reassurance. Do you have any friends or part of any social groups?

Kissel · 22/11/2018 06:31

Can mum come down for the weekend to keep you company?

HalfGreekBitch · 22/11/2018 06:37

What a horrible shock, so sorry you’re going through this, each event in itself is enough to cause stress and worry let alone altogether. I’m sorry I don’t have any great advice apart from to reach out to your friends and family and ask for help and support. Even if they can’t physically be there just to know someone is on end of phone and knows what you are going through can help. Can you let school know to see if another parent could help with school runs in the short term. He’s done a really shitty thing and says so much more about him. You will get through this, hard as it may seem, please believe that and you do not deserve any of this. OW now has it all to look forwards to. Sending hugs x

Rainbowqueeen · 22/11/2018 06:41

Sounds tough OP.

Homestart is a good suggestion.

Don’t feel bad about relying on your ex- he owes you. I hope you recover quickly.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/11/2018 06:51

Home start only works with families with children under 5 and OPs child is at school.

Is your DM nearer her school? Could you go stay with her until you are better and can work out what to do?

MaggieMuggins · 22/11/2018 07:00

Nothing to add to the above apart from Thanks

Original poster
Blackladybug · 22/11/2018 07:02

Thanks for the replies, I thought it was a bit early.

I've no idea where to go for support, there's a lady at the school who I believe is like a helper for the parents, there to provide a bit of support and to offer practical support I think. I've only ever met her once and I can't remember her name. There's a children's centre nearby also but I've not been to it. Though I think they wouldn't offer much support as the child I need to get to school is 6. I have a CPN who dropped everything yesterday and came over when I was a mess. I'm so fragile and vulnerable right now I'm so scared I'll slip too far. I can definitely phone her and she'll give emotional support.

I'm not sure whether to attempt to walk my daughter to school or whether to wait until 9am and get on the phone to try and sort something. Or do I just let him do the school runs for now. I just, I'm hurting so bad and I don't want to rely on him. I don't want to see him.

My mum is over an hour away and shes disabled, as much as she would love to support me, it really isn't very practical.

I'm on my own Sad

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 22/11/2018 07:02

Take it an hour at a time. You will get there.

Giveyourheadawiggle · 22/11/2018 07:05

Speak to the school. I’m sure something can be worked out! What an absolute shit your ex is. Things will get better Flowers

royalton · 22/11/2018 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bimwit · 22/11/2018 07:08

What a shitbag.

You're never alone with mumsnet though, you've got a network of us sat in the palm of your hand Grin is a taxi to school in the short term out of the question? If yes i would contact the school to explain and see if they can put you in touch with the closest parents to you.

Are you happy with the place regardless of the ex? Or would you like to go back to family etc?

Making plans helps me feel more in control/better so perhaps plot a savings plan, pack some non essentuals back into boxes if you can physically manage it, browse property elsewhere etc. So mentally you know you will escape!

moretractorsplease · 22/11/2018 07:10

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.
I think I wouldn't attempt to walk again this morning if you're worried about your stitches. Can you ring the school before 9? If not I'd either see if your ex can take your DD today and then contact the school for support for the school runs for tomorrow onwards.
Good luck x

WitchyMcWitchface · 22/11/2018 07:11

It's probably too difficult for you right now but as soon as you are up and about I would hang flags out of every window and across the front door - to celebrate escaping the clutches of a miserable selfish bxxxxxd!

You do have problems right now but in the long run you have had an amazing escape.

I would use him for DD's school run(though imv at 6 DD won't be disadvantaged much from missing a few weeks of school if you keep her off) then just concentrate for a week or two on getting over your op. Once you feel more able you can make some plans for your new life, bxxxxxd free.

NationalShiteDay · 22/11/2018 07:11

Ring the school at 9. Explain the situation. They may be able to offer practical support like s taxi to school for your DD Flowers

Original poster
Blackladybug · 22/11/2018 07:29

I completely believed that he was the one. I think this hurts more than every bruise my old ex gave me.

On the one hand I feel like I should accept his help for the next week. On the other hand I think I deserve more than what he's done and I CAN be independent and deal with things myself, that I don't NEED him. And seeing him is hurting beyond words.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackladybug · 22/11/2018 07:34

One hour at a time. One of my best friends used to tell me to take it a day at a time and it really used to help. An hour at a time. I can do that.

I've had a look on the website and the lady at the school for parents is actually employed as a parent support advisor, so I think I'll take some painkillers and we'll make a slow walk there this morning.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 22/11/2018 07:36

Good luck op. Please take your phone and the number of the local taxi with you

OhioOhioOhio · 22/11/2018 07:46

Read the birthday present make or break thread. It reminded me of you.

Original poster
Blackladybug · 22/11/2018 08:25

Changed my mind slightly, he's going to drop us off at the school then I'll walk back with the baby, will be able to lean on his pushchair a bit then.

OP posts:
Prettyvase · 22/11/2018 08:37

Please don't rely on men in the future op! Try and create the life you want for yourself and your DC, they and you must come first and take up your headspace, not a man

Can you arrange to move closer to your mum? She sounds lovely and you can support each other.

An hour at a time, a day at a time, the sun is out, you have a lot of love in your life with your DC and your mum so please don't be hard on yourself, but relying on men is never a good idea Flowers

costacoffeecup · 22/11/2018 08:39

Hang on, you've got a baby with this guy? And he ended it with you after you'd had a stressful operation and you have your dd plus a baby to look after?

Fucking hell. I hope you feel better very soon. I think you should speak to the school - there may be someone who can pick your daughter up on their way in for a couple of days.

unicornsandponies · 22/11/2018 08:47

Just try to concentrate on the practical stuff for now and leave the emotional worries for later. Baby steps. Good luck op. Flowers

sparklepops123 · 22/11/2018 09:35

Don't push yourself too much physically at the moment, you don't want to set yourself back even further. Sorry he's a twat but you're well rid 💐

hellozzz · 22/11/2018 09:41

Bless you, you have a 6 yr old and a baby is that right.
You are doing so well, you are working through what you need to and are thinking for yourself.

You can do this, as a pp says one hour at a tie, you can do an hour.
Take care of yourself and you will get stronger physically and mentally hour by hour.

You have come through so much already. You can do this......
Sending love and kisses

HettySunshine · 22/11/2018 09:52

What a rotten shit he is.

You can do this op.

Is your dd at school now?

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