Anyone awake, I'm desperate.

[Blackladybug]

This is probably massively outing but I've no where to turn I've been up 2 hours because I can't sleep.

In the last two weeks, I've moved house to be nearer my boyfriend, had a serious operation to remove something which now seems likely to be vulval cancer, I'm still struggling to recover after the operation and in a lot of pain, things had been a little rocky with the boyfriend but every time I spoke to him he reassured me. Now it's over, we've split up, he wanted to stay friends, he loves me but in another way he says. And yesterday I found out that of course there's OW! Of course there is.

I've been through so much shit, DV, refuge, moving county and I really thought I could trust this one. I really really did.

I'm so low it's knocked me down hard. I've a history of mental health problems and it's swept me off my feet. I am across the other side of the city, with no one except him. I can't walk my daughter to school atm (I don't drive) because of the operation so I HAVE to rely on him to take her for me. I tried to do it yesterday and I think I've bust a stitch, I'm bleeding more and in a lot of pain.

I don't know what to do I really don't know what to do. If I knew we would break up I'd never of moved here. I'd have moved county again and been near my mum

Yeah I have my 6yo and the baby is 18months, guess he's technically a toddler. Neither are his.

I was much more independent than I am now.

So this morning I got a lift with him, dropped my daughter to her class. I went and spoke to the parent support advisor and head teacher. They're going to sort out getting my daughter to school for me. Also going to do a family support plan and get some support in place. She was really lovely.

He dropped me and youngest home. And my CPN popped by, which was really lovely. She's bloody fantastic! She's going to refer me to the admission prevention team. They can help support 7 days a week. And I'm seeing her again tomorrow so she can take me to the hospital for a check up/results.

I think I'm going to ask him to leave me alone, and I'll text IF or when I'm ready. That way I don't have to make a permanent decision right now when I'm vulnerable, angry and upset.

I do love my new house. It's perfect. And I like the area. It's the fact that he took that choice away from me. If I had known, I could have chosen to stay in my old area, or moved to be closer to my mum. But I fully thought we would be together. So I think as long as I can learn to drive so I can go down to see my mum often, then I'll be ok staying here.

Thanks so much for the support, I'm honestly breaking. And I feel slightly less alone.

I actually don't think I can forgive him.

You have a great CPN which is a blessing.
I’m pleased the school can support you. Well done and stay strong. Be kind to yourself.🌺

What a thorough arsehole he is OP. I so feel for you. As other peole have said in these situations its babysteps at a time, the practical stuff first like getting some time to fully recover and getting daughter to school. theer are some lovely people out there but they cant help if they don't know whats going down, I am glad you have reached out. Longer term you can then decide if its better to stay put or move back but do it when other factors are more settled. Make sure as well you don't keep it secret what he has done, I think others will also find it totally disgusting. People do and 'can' move on if things aren't working , however to do so at this point when you clearly need his support and help beggars belief.

How long have you been with him for? An 18 month who isn't his and you have moved house?

The parent support advisor has been brilliant! And getting her to and from school tomorrow has been sorted out so I can at least have a break from him for a few days.

I'm talking to people and accepting a lot of help. Bit worried about getting through the weekend though but one hour at a time!

Bless you lady 🌸 💐

You can do this xxxx

Sorry you're having a crappy time. Utterly rubbish.

I agree with others. Take it one hour at a time. Things will get better, albeit you may recover from physical discomfort quicker in the short term, as that eases remind yourself that so will your heart heal.

Do get in touch with home start. I used to volunteer with them and there's SO much they can do to help. Including walking to school with you etc, if that's what you need. And they can signpost you to agencies who can help too. Not to mention you will have someone who can listen to YOU. They will give YOU their time and attention which in itself will be a huge support at such a horrid time. Wishing you a speedy recovery xx

You've done great today moving forward, just keep going as you are 💐