What are his true intentions?

[ramagyannn]

Hi,

Met a guy back in August and we have been speaking at least 4/5 times a week. He knows I like him and he seems to feel somehow the same but doesn’t seem to be ready for a relationship.

Anyway, this dragged on for a while and he never brought up the topic of ‘us’ on a relationship level. I met a guy through a friend who was interested from day 1. We spoke for a week and I though ‘hmm, maybe I can start of something with this guy as he’s clearly interested and the other doesn’t seem to be.’

I contacted guy 1 and we met up and I explained that he hasn’t made a move and he said let’s give it more time but then I said I’m planning on dating guy 2 out of frustration. He didn’t seem to believe me at first but showed him our texts and calls and he said ‘if he treats you right then don’t wait for me to give you my permission, you’re free to do as you wish.’

I didn’t hear back from him for about a week and in all fairness, thought oh our friendship is also over and proceeded with guy 2. Guy 2 knew about my ‘confussed feelings’ and everything that had happened.

But then he contacted me again and just like before when we first met, we started talking again (5-6 times a week) and text throughout the day. I’ve explained to guy 2 that I’m really confused with my feelings and need a break.

I just don’t understand guy 1 - does he have feelings genuinly or not? What are his true intentions?

Haha! He’s 100% straight before anyone says he’s gay.

I’m ending it with guy 2 because this is not fair on him and feel like trash.

I really do still have feelings for guy 1 but so confussed about his intentions and feelings.

Guy 1 is definitely messing you around because he knows he can. Run fast. He will be like this forever

It's extremely obvious that guy 1 is not interested in a relationship. He would like to keep you on the back burner in case he can get a shag out of you though.

It's a shame you have refused to listen to his actual words and instead have created a fantasy that's now causing you to reject someone who's actually a possibility

Agree with PPs run from guy1, he's a shit. Arrogant, thought you wouldn't do it, and doesn't like that he lost control, so hoovered you back up... Run, run, run and dont look back!

It's been over three months and guy 1 can't even bring himself to say let's try having a relationship? He's wasting your time. If you're not attracted to guy 2 then move on and keep looking, but don't ditch him for a time waster if you like him.

Guy 1 isn't interested at all.

He's just using up all your free time for an ego stroke.

Do you actually like Guy 2 or are you just using him to try to make Guy 1 jealous?

Keep dating and don't waste weeks and months chatting before you meet. It just builds a fantasy in your head. Don't tell guys you are dating about other guys. Just get out there and meet up and get to know them. After awhile, one will stand out and then you can let the others go to focus on one.

Block and delete no. 1 and have a little think about why you're hooked on the unavailable.

Have you come across the concept of ‘benching’? I think he’s doing this to you 🙁

Also I wasted so much time on a guy like this. It never worked out and I wish I’d cut him off sooner

Get rid of #1 guy!

I went through a similar situation and guy #2 is now my husband. I remember guy #1 calling me and doing the whole spiel of “I’m sorry if you didn’t think I wanted more, have you found someone else?” and I had so I got rid. Now I’m married to guy #2 and we have two gorgeous kids.

You don’t have time for dickwads who want to waste your time and keep you on the back burner!

Guy #1 is wasting your time, without a doubt but I do think that you know that deep down.

Unfortunately I think he’s just keeping you hanging on for his own self esteem. Block him and move on; if he hasn’t made any real moves to a relationship in the time you’ve been speaking then he won’t

As others have said, guy 1 is stringing you along. Tell him you don't want any more contact and Block him.

Get him out of your head and give #2 a whirl with no distractions. He seems lovely.

Op it's quite clear you used guy 2 in the hope that it would spur guy 1 into action. You hoped when you met him and told him, he would tell you he wanted a relationship. If that's not the case you wouldn't have proved anything. You didn't need to show the texts, didnt need to give him detail.

It's now left you confused. Because you don't know if it worked or if he is messing you about. Personally I would take a break from both.

In all honesty me and Dp had a complicated relationship at first. We met and got together shortly after we had both ended our marriages. We got really serious really quickly then both freaked out. We we remained good friends, then FWB then got together. We turned into a couple while FWB. But didn't make it offcial

I didn't date other people. But I know that Dp worried I was going to and it did spur our 'what are we conversation'. Well that and mners giving me a kick up the bum.

But dp didn't wait for me to get involved with someone else. He realised he would be gutted if I went out with someone else and acted on it.

If guy 1 was serious, he would have acted on it earlier. It's a ego boost. That you are with someone else and he can still draw you in.

When you say you have been speaking to guy 1 4-5 times a week does that mean texting or meeting up? Have you ever actually gone out with him? It sounds like he is messing you around and I don’t know why you are giving him a chance when he has told you he doesn’t want a relationship.
How much clearer can he be?

Guy 1 is a emotionally unavailable and a complete time waster.

He is keeping you on a back burner and will mess you around.

You have now messed guy 2 around as a result...do you even like guy 2?

He's shouting it from the roof tops OP, he's not interested, sorry but you sound really desperate, stop letting him know how much you want him only for him to continue to reject you, move on!

As a guy myself, if I was actually interested in you, and I had concrete evidence you reciprocated those feelings, I would instantly ask you out. Flat.

From what you've presented, he isn't interested enough to bother with being in a relationship with you. Why would you want someone with that level of apathy towards you? He isn't going to miraculously change his mind and decide he can't live without you.

I would say stick with guy 2 but I fear that he will get messed around as a result of Guy 1 messing you around. Guy 1 isn't that into you, you should let him go

I think you need to hold out for guy three, who won’t come along until you clear your head of guy one

Guy 1 is messing you about, you are messing guy2 about. Move on from both of them.

You aren't ready for any of this.
Keep busy with family and friends and take it all from there.

But from what I've read, guy 1 sounds like a headfuck and guy 2 sounds like a good one! Just MHO

If you keep ditching guys foy guy 1 you are never going to have a relationship until guy 1 actually meets someone he wants a relationship with and dumps you like a hot potato for her.

If you want a proper relationship dump guy one because it's not going to happen with him.

Ditto everyone

Sweetie, he's not interested, he's really not into you that way. If he was, you'd be together, I get you want him, but it's not reciprocated, accept it and move on.