AIBU

[JustA93]

AIBU
Currently 24weeks pregnant with 1st baby. Both partner and i work full time- he works from home, I 12.5hr shifts. If I'm on 3-4 shifts in a row I'm out the house for 14 hours a day, don't have much time to do much at home in between sleep. I come home from days/nights on and house is always a mess, washings piled up, dirty dishes everywhere, 2x big dogs not walked, sometimes not yet fed. I do all housework the rest of the time and prepare meals for my days on.

I appreciate he works hard but I do too.
Do your partners help about the house?
He tells me all men are like him..
I just think how will we manage when baby is here. I will obviously be off on maternity leave then but it would be nice to have reassurance now that he will help out a little.

It will be even worse when baby arrives, as he won't offer you any help in terms of nights/nappies/making you cuppa while you're feeding baby. And he will still expect you to do EVERYTHING around the house and walk the dogs.

Why are you putting up with this? It needs to stop NOW. Put your foot down and tell him to buck his ideas up. Not all men are like this, just the lazy shits who think they can get away with it.

YANBU! He needs to grow up.

You may well get people asking you why you are having a child with a man who can't manage to keep pets well!

When he says all men are like him do you respond that he is a liar as well as a lazy bastard?

How long have you been with him?
Does all of that bother you enough to consider going it alone and being a single parent in a single person household, as opposed to a single person living with such a lazy sod?

Have you sat down and talked it through with him, properly, no distractions, no accepting his bullshit, maybe with a lost of the hours you each put into work and home?!

Do your partners help about the house?
He tells me all men are like him..

All men are not like him, thank fucking christ! My Dh and myself do whatever needs doing as we go, our lives are very busy right now, both work full time with two teens who need to be dropped and collected to things almost every week night, neither of us have to ask the other help more etc we just do it as and when we're home and have time. Your OH is being a lazy selfish cunt to be quite blunt, what kind of an uncaring and selfish man lazes around while his pregnant wife is run ragged? I don't get how people put up with this kind of sexist superior behavior

Nope not all men are like this. My fiance does more round the house than me if anything.

Yours is just going to get worse once you have the baby

No they don't "help" around the house, they do their share of the shitjobs, workload adjusted according to amount of leisure time each party has (i.e. if one works part time then they do more.)

He doesn't think that maternity leave is a holiday, does he?! You're going to be up to your eyebrows in nappies and milk, he's going to need to step up and act like a real man.

Men should not be 'helping' anyone around the house. They live there too and should be doing their share of household tasks.
Thankfully I know very few men like your DH....but then again me and my friends would not entertain a man with an attitude like that.

I fear he will get worse when you've had the baby. My DH still pulled his weight when I was on mat leave. He understood that I wasn't on holiday.

This attitude needs nipping in the bud asap.

Yes BlaaBlaaBlaa totally agree about "helping" that implies that domestic work is a womans job and the husbands are doing us some sort of favour by doing some of it. I have a son and if he grew up expecting his g/f/wife should wait on him I would be be so disappointed in him

What the other respondents have written here, not all men are like yours at all. But I have to look at you as well; why have you put up with this crap from him till now?. What changed here for you?. He seems not to care for these dogs at all and he is working from home?.

What is he also like with money?.

I would also seriously consider giving this child your surname as well going forward.

@trinity I feel exactly the same about my DS. I also know that if my in laws discovered my DH wasn't pulling his weight they would come down on him like a ton of bricks!

Now I do more housework than my DH because he works full time and I work part time. But when we both worked full time (before kids), we contributed equally to the cooking and cleaning. That's how it should be.

@CuriousaboutSamphire
We have been together 2 years, lived together for 1.5 now. I put his laziness down to grief at the start of the year as he sadly lost a close loved one. But now I am thinking it will never change back.
Yes I've tried discussing it on many occasions, i explain i worry how I'm going to cope when baby arrives. He says it's natural to worry, it's my pregnancy hormones or that he will change.

He needs to change now. Before the baby arrives .

@AttilaTheMeerkat
I put up with it because his dad passed away in January and he really struggled.
Money isn't a worry, we are both very sensible with money.
Yes we only got 2nd dog because he works from home.

I put up with it because his dad passed away in January and he really struggled.

I don't think I've ever heard of grief turning someone into a lazy bastard. I've lost loved ones (including my Dad). It's never stopped me from doing the washing up or sticking a hoover around.

Stop putting up with it, for God's sake or you'll run yourself ragged once baby arrives.

He tells me all men are like him..
Course he does.
He doesn't want to seem like a twat and a lazy cunt!
Fortunately, not many men are like this.
He needs to change right now or you need to rethink this.
You will be exhausted with a baby and he will be doing fuck all.
You really need to get this sorted now and seriously think about a life away from him and his mess and laziness.

No, not all men are like him. That's a really stupid thing to say. My husband and I share the household chores, as we both work full time and are out of the house for the same amount of time. Most couples work out a pattern that suits them without there being resentment on the part of one partner.
My husband cooks, does his own laundry, takes out the bins and the DIY. I wash up, do my own laundry, run round with the hoover and clean the kitchen and bathroom. We both take turns to change bedding. Other couples will have other arrangements
You are letting him walk all over you.

Absolutely not! My husband does all the dog walking when he's working from home and always shares the load of childcare also when he's not on a deadline or a phone call. I do the vacuuming,clean bathrooms and cooking and shopping. I also do majority of laundry and dishes but it doesn't get to me because my husband works hard. When I was pregnant I got necessary rest and attention when I wasn't at work which you should be as well.
I'm going back to work full time and we will be hiring a cleaning service to come in then.

How he's treating your dogs speaks volumes, really, doesn't it?

He's neglecting you as well. And here comes a baby into the mix. You really need to face up to this.

You must be knackered clearing up after him after a long shift. It's just not right. You're not his servant.

Not all men

My dad isn’t the handiest round the house but all the washing up would have been done and put away and the dogs would have been walked and fed.

DH, everything would have been done absolutely everything.

He needs shape up now.

I think the longer you put up with this kind of behaviour, the longer it will go on and the worse it will become. Having a baby is exhausting and you need reassurance NOW that he is going to take his responsibilities to you and the baby seriously.

Maybe if you stop running around after him he might see how much you do. I would start putting your feet up more and tell him your midwife told you you need to take it a little easier as you are doing too much.

Or just tell him he needs to grow up or you and baby are out of there. You don't need two babies to look after.

Oh OP, he’s feeding you a load of bullshit. Of course all men aren’t like it.

His life is easier if you do it. He sees it as your job. When you’re on maternity leave I expect he’ll still want you to do it all because after all you’ll be home all day doing nothing right? And any time you get upset that will be down to your hormones too, yes? What about when you’re on your knees exhausted and he still expects you to walk two dogs?

He has no respect for you. You’re living with a man child. The grief is an excuse for being a lazy fucker who believes woman should do all the chores.

And stop calling it ‘helping’. He lives there, he is 50% responsible for anything that happens in the house, including parenting.

Good luck, you’re going to need it. He is treating you like his skivvy.

Thanks everyone for advice

@BinglyBunglyBoops
I get sick of asking. I'm a pretty easy going person so easier just to get on with it instead of nagging.

Stop ‘doing’ then.