AIBU

[JustA93]

AIBU
Currently 24weeks pregnant with 1st baby. Both partner and i work full time- he works from home, I 12.5hr shifts. If I'm on 3-4 shifts in a row I'm out the house for 14 hours a day, don't have much time to do much at home in between sleep. I come home from days/nights on and house is always a mess, washings piled up, dirty dishes everywhere, 2x big dogs not walked, sometimes not yet fed. I do all housework the rest of the time and prepare meals for my days on.

I appreciate he works hard but I do too.
Do your partners help about the house?
He tells me all men are like him..
I just think how will we manage when baby is here. I will obviously be off on maternity leave then but it would be nice to have reassurance now that he will help out a little.

Would a rota work? When my children became old enough to help around the house we had a rota for who emptied the dishwasher, put washing in machine, sorted washing, walked dogs, laid table etc. both parents included on the rota too. Yes we had to be flexible if someone had a playdate or other commitment but it seemed to work ok.

Alternatively, when we were first living together, I found that my then DH couldn't work it out if I said 'you need to help me round the house' as what I thought of as needed doing, he didn't. So we had a list of daily tasks and made sure they were done each day

@Blobby10 thanks for response. Yeah a rota may work, i have used in the past but phased out. Felt after 2 adults living together for so long it should be clear what needs doing. Anyway, could try again. Ty

I think you first need to start believing that his attitude is wrong. I’d be bloody fuming if my DH came out with that. That’s how men are? I don’t think so buddy.

Think about what influence this will have on your child too.

@BinglyBunglyBoops of course I believe his attitude is wrong but wanted opinions. In his family it has been very much been the men work while the woman do housework and look after children - so believes this to be the done thing.

Me and my partner are exactly that.. partners. He doesnt sound like a partner, just a dependant. How attractive

@BinglyBunglyBoops of course I believe his attitude is wrong but wanted opinions. In his family it has been very much been the men work while the woman do housework and look after children - so believes this to be the done thing.

But YOU work too so how does that argument even work?!

Try the rota again, all being well if it worked last time it can work again

But you're working full-time outside of the home! Is he dim? Sounds like my exH.

That sounds horrendous and a small view into what's to come I'd imagine. Once the baby arrives he will get worse. I would never put up with that. My husband works 12 hours but we half everything and quite often if he knows I'm really tired or stressed there's a bath waiting for me when I get home and he doesn't allow me to lift a finger all night. You deserve more than this and don't listen to his lies about all men being the way he is- absolute rubbish

Write a list of ALL the jobs.

Sit down and take it in turns to choose 1 for 'your' list.

Voila - he ends up with responsibility for 50% of the stuff.