Would this be a dealbreaker for you?

[GoldPumpkin]

I've namechanged for this.

DH has form for being selfish and it's currently really upsetting me that he does not do his share in the house or with our DCs. Both DC are under 10. Also he has form for going off and doing sports/out with friends and prioritising that over the DC and I.

Over the years he has done several things that have been selfish and irresponsible; he got caught a few years ago driving at over 100mph and got an enormous fine that meant we had to go without luxuries for several months. When our youngest DC was little he ended up in A&E once as DH wasn't watching him when he was supposed to and he had an accident. Plus there were lots of other near misses too.

Last night I went to a friends house for a meal and catch up. DH phoned me halfway through the evening and said he'd taken some drugs (which I had no idea he had! I have never ever taken drugs in my life btw) and he'd had a reaction to the drugs and had had to call an ambulance. I had to rush home and he got taken to hospital and kept in overnight. Obviously he has been told that as he had drugs in the house then SS will have to be informed.

As I'm sure you can imagine I am fuming about the whole incident for a whole myriad of reasons and am questioning whether or not I can carry on in the relationship. It is not made any easier by the fact that when he's made selfish mistakes he shows no remorse and says I need to accept that these things happen. He always manages to turn things round to being my fault for being not understanding or in his words 'having a go at him'.

Should this be a dealbreaker for me?

Yes and I don't say that lightly. He cannot keep his children safe so do not leave them with him at the v least !

Yes but then the selfishness before should have been as well. You've been putting up with his shit for a while.

Were kids with you or him? If they were with you, I'd be reassessing the relationship. With him, he'd be out the door!!

They were with him.

Yes. I would leave him. What a shit father.

Yes.

This wasn't an accident. It didn't 'happen' he did it. He waited until you were out of the house to get off his head. He didn't give a shit that your DC were in his care at the time all that was important to him was himself.

What would have happened if he couldn't call an ambulance or you?

You DC may have gone downstairs and found him dead. You may have come home and found him dead.

What would have happened if your DC had come across the drugs you didn't even know he had and taken them?

He spent money which could have been spent on your family on drugs.

He has brought SS into your life through his selfish actions they will want to know what you will do to protect them.

Yes get rid. SS will be much much nicer to you if they see you taking steps to protect your children.

I would put plans in place to leave him ASAP.

What do you got out of this relationship now, why have you put up with all this selfish behaviour from him at all?

Oh it would be a dealbreaker, you are not going to be monitored by SS and on top of that they will investigate anything in the past i.e kids accidents etc.

you might love him but is he good for you and your children?

Yes. Taking drugs would be the deal breaker let alone when he was in sole charge of the kids. It doesn't bear thinking about what could have happened.

How can you ever trust him again?

Yes. He took drugs when he was alone? What kind of person does that?

I would be kicking him out today and asking ss advice about contact. I would not be happy with unsupervised contact as he obviously can’t keep the kids safe.

Yes, this would 100% be a dealbreaker.

He bought illegal drugs, he took illegal drugs in your home, he deliberately sabotaged your night out, he endangered your children, and he has never shown any remorse but instead blames you when you have suffered the consequences of his reckless and appallingly dangerous behaviour.

Get rid of him , I would never ever be able to forgive a man who put his own selfish illegal needs over his children .

I would leave him over this, love for this man is irrelevant, I actually think something like that would make me fall out of love.

These things don't just happen, he actively did them apart from the accident but that was neglecting caring for your children.

No fucking question about it, he took drugs WHILST his children were in his care

I couldn't come back from this, let alone anyone who thinks it appropriate to do when there's children in the house

Game over

What did he take?

Not only was he bloody selfish to take them when he was looking after the dc, but presumably he had them in the house where the dc could have found them.

Selfish, stupid and irresponsible.

You have to leave him - otherwise you are putting your children at serious risk. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about them or anyone else.

This is unforgivable-what a shit father!

Yes that would’ve a dealbreaker for me and I consider myself fairly open minded. He’s selfish and has put your dc at risk on more than one occasion

Sorry OP but it’s a dealbreaker for me.

What drugs did he take? What was his reaction?

I'd be packing his bags for sure.

I would be really cross about the first two but they wouldn't be deal breakers. It wouldn't have been a hospital bag I'd of packed in the third instance.

Im not anti-drugs. But this obviously isn't having a sneaky bit of weed when you're out of the house.

I won't let him back in the house. Wtf was he thinking??! Anything could have happened!

Any chance the other events were connected to drug taking too?

They were with him?! What the actual?!!!

Yes absolute dealbreaker and would also question whether safe to have them with him overnight in the future!!

Not that it matters otherwise but what kind of drugs was he taking?

Total dealbreaker for me.

He’s obviously a selfish, unsafe, irresponsible man who hasn’t grown up and is unwilling to take responsibility for his pathetic actions.

The outcome last night could have been so much worse. Don’t wait to be a headline in the news, make him leave now.