Would this be a dealbreaker for you?

[GoldPumpkin]

I've namechanged for this.

DH has form for being selfish and it's currently really upsetting me that he does not do his share in the house or with our DCs. Both DC are under 10. Also he has form for going off and doing sports/out with friends and prioritising that over the DC and I.

Over the years he has done several things that have been selfish and irresponsible; he got caught a few years ago driving at over 100mph and got an enormous fine that meant we had to go without luxuries for several months. When our youngest DC was little he ended up in A&E once as DH wasn't watching him when he was supposed to and he had an accident. Plus there were lots of other near misses too.

Last night I went to a friends house for a meal and catch up. DH phoned me halfway through the evening and said he'd taken some drugs (which I had no idea he had! I have never ever taken drugs in my life btw) and he'd had a reaction to the drugs and had had to call an ambulance. I had to rush home and he got taken to hospital and kept in overnight. Obviously he has been told that as he had drugs in the house then SS will have to be informed.

As I'm sure you can imagine I am fuming about the whole incident for a whole myriad of reasons and am questioning whether or not I can carry on in the relationship. It is not made any easier by the fact that when he's made selfish mistakes he shows no remorse and says I need to accept that these things happen. He always manages to turn things round to being my fault for being not understanding or in his words 'having a go at him'.

Should this be a dealbreaker for me?

SS would not look kindly on a parent who keeps a drug taking parent in the house.

These things don’t ‘just happen’ the whitewashing arsehole!

It’s a dealbreaker OP. He took street drugs when he was alone with the kids. That shows an unforgivable lack of judgement IMO.

Total dealbreaker for me, even without all the other stuff.

I’m surprised you even need to ask to be honest.

Complete deal breaker. Who the fuck just decided to take drugs when they are looking after the kids?

Actually taking drugs would be a deal breaker itself even if he wasn't with the kids.

Recreational drugs or medication?

I would be concerned that if you didn't show positive action that SS may think you are prioritising your relationship over the safety of your children. Something to keep in mind and maybe speak openly to them about.

Is this a wind up?

He took drugs while caring for your children and had a reaction so severe, he needed an ambulance. Yes, it’s a deal breaker.

Total dealbreaker for me. My first LTB.

All of those things should be dealbreakers but taking drugs - enough to get hospitalised - whilst caring for small children is so FAR beyond a dealbreaker! You could lose your children if you don't take action now! Either through an accident because of his irresponsible parenting or through having them taken into foster care!

Get Rid. He's brought social services to your door. I couldn't carry on with him after that. I left my ex H for similar.

I usually stay away from LTB threads but just in case you aren't already convinced by what others have said then yes. This is a dealbreaker and you need to leave him.
He sounds incompetent as a father, selfish as a husband and is capable of endangering others lives with his reckless driving.
You should get rid of him and leave him well behind. Your children don't deserve to have SS in their lives because of his mistakes.

Your Husband is a selfish self absorbed PRICK.

It sounds like he's also brainwashed you a bit that you even need to ask. And interesting that you say how you're 'fuming' and 'dealbreaker for me' instead of 'terrified' and 'dealbreaker for my DCs as he is threatening their safety'. Please put them first, kick him out - it will be hard, but ss will be on your side and hopefully your family (and possibly his) once they hear what's gone on.

If he's an addict then he needs to be clean before he can have contact. If he's just an arse then it's worse, as it's hard to see how he'll ever be safe'.

He took DRUGS whilst caring for your children and he's still living in your house ???? You do really SS are going to scrutinise him and YOU for this??? You need to get him out so they can see you out there safety firstbb

I would be kicking him out today and asking ss advice about contact. I would not be happy with unsupervised contact as he obviously can’t keep the kids safe

See this as an opportunity to get him out of your home. Work with Social Services - they're going to be much happier if he's not living there.

Yes

That's not a partner that's a man child