Manipulated into sex

[allupsidedown]

I got out of hospital with a long term condition 15 days ago. I was in hospital for 10 days. I am on a host of pills, feeling sore and exhausted. I'm still awaiting an MRI before they decide what to do next with me. I'm still off work and needing naps most days. My dh has been patchy in his support. Well actually, been very little support at all, left me alone on the day I got out of hospital with our two young kids. I had to make tea. (Couldn't just order a take away as I'm on a restricted diet) I also had to put them to bed. I was beyond tired but just about managed.
For the last 10 days, dh has been going on about how good I look. I suffered an extreme weight loss due to my condition. It was part of the reason for my hospital admission.
He has been moaning about me not going near him. It isn't that I don't want to but I'm just exhausted.
The steroids I'm on have messed up my sleeping. My pain meds wear off in the night and I'm basically surviving on about 5 broken up hours of sleep. The rest of the time I lie there listening to him sleep whilst I'm in pain.
I went to bed before him. He says that I waste the evenings but I can get some sleep from 9pm-midnight. I woke up and he had come to bed. He was moaning again about wanting sex, going on that I just don't go near him etc.
I relented and we had sex. I wasn't in pain and quite enjoyed it although part of me just wanted to go back to sleep. I basically did it to shut him up.
He then went straight to sleep and I am lying here in increasing pain from my disease, probably not helped by the sex, unable to sleep and pissed off.
Dh is again going into work all day tomorrow leaving me with the kids. I'm going to be shattered.
Im note even sure why I'm posting this. I know I should have just said no again but the whining and moaning gets a bit much. So much for sickness and in health. I feel like he gives no shits about me.
Hope I can get some sleep soon. I am going to try and sleep now.

He doesn't give any shits about you. You need to leave him when you're better. He's a selfish prick.

Oh Love, it’s time to think about yourself. Stick your hand out and say Back Off and Step Up to him. I’m so sad that so many of us have this in our lives. Rest and tell him to take the reins xx

2 hours and another painkiller later, I'm still awake. The 4 year old wondered through so I've left them both in our bed whilst I sit on the sofa. I really need to move her out of her toddler bed so I can sleep there if need be.

Who is looking after you? I can't see that it's him?? There's no care or respect there. What are you getting from the relationship!?

💐

He's really unsupportive
Do you have any family or friends to help you? Once you feel you can, you should end this relationship

Does he go to the hospital appointments with you. Can you speak to the medical staff about the things you've posted here in front of him in the hope they advise you need rest and support and the message might sink in? Or has that already been done? Oh, and next time he pesters you for sex, tell him "no". If he doesn't like it that's his problem to deal with, not yours. I hope you start to feel better soon.

No, I go to my appointments alone. I was drove myself in to be admitted, after sorting out the kids clothes, babysitters etc. He stayed at work. The conversation went, "I need to be admitted."
"Well let me know how you get on?"
"You need to come and get the kids. It is half term."
"Can you wait until 4pm? I can't get away until then, sorry."
"No, I can't bloody wait. I probably should have been in a couple of days ago."
"Sorry, no can do. Phone my mum or something."
I hung up on him and didn't hear from him for 24hrs. His mum took the kids and he didn't even go see them at bedtime.
They were pretty distraught and worried about me. They needed him.
He chose to go to a football match instead of visiting me. I had to get a friend to bring me in my clean clothes as he was "too busy to run after" me.
He has been a bit better since I got out. I think he has been surprised how unwell I still am. Think he thought the medication would be like a miracle cure.
He has to come to one appointment as they have requested I take him. There will be a lot of information to take in. He is already jumping about that and I don't even know when it will be yet.
My parents are both long since passed away. Other family on my side are supportive but can't help much due to their own family commitments.
His family...let's just say, I can see why he is like he is. They think I should just get on with things.
I am basically seen as a maid there to look after the kids. I don't really matter to anyone on that side. My eldest (7) gets very annoyed as she can see how unwell i am. Bless her.

He's a selfish pig. Won't look after you or the children but expects you to have sex with him? I genuinely can't believe what I've just read. I cannot fathom how one person can be so self-centred, bullying and lacking in compassion.
I know you're ill and vulnerable now so I think you need to take care of yourself as best you can. You sound in no state to rock the boat (although the next time he comes sniffing round for sex I'd tell him to go fuck himself personally and never lay a finger on you again). When you are better, I hope you look back on this and get REALLY angry and kick that selfish piece of shit in your bed out the house so quickly that he doesn't know what's hit him.
All the best to you - I hope your recovery is speedy and as stress-free as possible.

Tbh it almost sounds like he wants you to leave him, he's treating you so badly.

Sorry to say this but it doesn't sound like he loves you. I wouldn't let a friend, or even a work colleague go through this alone, let alone someone I love. I'd be worried sick about them.

Not really sticking to the "in sickness and in health" part of his vows is he? Horrible selfish man. Get through your illness as best you can but make long term plans to avoid this happening again.

Oh God what an absolute selfish bastard. Poor you.🌺 He’s sounds like he’s not going to change. He seems like he brings nothing at all to this relationship. You seem like you have others around you who can support you more. I’m sorry to say he’s a TWAT and that doesn’t come easy to me.
I’d start talking the option through with family and friends.

You need to divorce him, yesterday
He's awful

All of these comments.
That's no relationship and not a good model to show your children either. This isn't how it should be. He doesn't love you.
You need to have real life support here. Now is not the best time, but when better you need yo make plans to end it. You deserve to be happy and treated right. Your children will be happier with a happier mum who they see is cared for.

I think he may be on the autistic spectrum. He can departmentalise his life. When at work he only focuses on work. When with the kids he is great. This sex thing has caught me off guard though. I usually have a good sex drive but I don't feel great so just haven't been up for it. He has been like a dog with a bone though. It is like it is the only way he can show me affection at the moment.
He is sorry this morning that I was sore and up all night and says he won't ask me again. He is like a child. He cannot see things from others points of view until it is pointed out and rammed in his face.
I'm just tired.

Nope nope nope. As an RN as a mother and as a human being this is not acceptable in any way,shape or form. If you are readmitted to hospital make it clear to your physician or social worker that you have no support at home and can you get in home support? I wouldn’t get that far I’d consider this a deal breaker and I’d divorce him tbh. Good luck

Wow, he's good at looking out for himself and bugger everyone else,

He doesn't seem to have a compartment for you though

Maybe he is...and emotion and care is seriously lacking. But even more so you sound like you need someone with the same empathy as you. People grow apart..

No this isn’t acceptable in the least.

DH and I literally have no sex life due to my health. I’d say there’s been about 12 months out of the last 10 years where we’ve been able to have sex. He’s never forced me or made me feel so bad I’ve done it anyway.

Holy fuck, I'm appalled at him not coming to get the kids or take you to hospital, that's insane. Asking for sex when you've just got out of hospital, what the actual fuck?! Is he from a different culture that the family treats you like a maid?

Good god, he is being a shit. Please consider leaving.

I’ve read your posts before, OP. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling no better and really hope you get some answers soon

Spell out to your wanker of a husband that him treating you like shit has dried you up and things won’t be back to normal until he makes a humongous effort and behaves as a husband should.

he is a disgusting excuse of a Father and Husband OP I'm so sorry to read what you have to endure