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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner dosnt understand my pain

30 replies

Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 17:33

Had painful periods for years since I was about 14 been told I had endometriosis for a long time but no official diagnosis. In the past couple of years it’s been so bad but I worked for myself and did two days in a shop working 10-4.30 and living at home with my mum. In January this year I had an operation and they found loads of endometriosis and removed it all apparently. Since then Ive still been in tons of pain taking codine nearly every day. At the moment my ovaries are in constant sharp pains every day I’m sick with migraines 2 times a month my tummy and lower back hurt every day and to top it all of I seem to have issues with exhaustion on a daily basis. this was all manageable when We lived at home with my mum I was working less and didn’t have any real responsibilities. We’ve now moved out six months ago I’ve started a new job and still got bits to sort out. House is always clean but needs organising problem being is that I’m exhausted from just getting to work so as soon as I’m home all I do is painkillers heat pack food bath and bed I try and do little bits every day but it’s a massive struggle. On the weekends I just want to chill out partners offered to help but his idea is to just Throw everything away I haven’t got a lot of stuff left any more I chucked out loads when moving in. But he seems to call me lazy and state that we moved in 6 months ago this Gould all be done by now last weekend I went to the cinema to see a friend I hadn’t seen in months he got all huffy saying that I could of sorted out the house. She picked me up with my heat pack and I sat in the cinema no real effort but even that wore me out. My pain has increased so much in the past year I’m trying to get him to understand. I’ve considered leaving my job so I have some energy to sort the house out.

OP posts:
RoboticMary · 17/11/2018 17:57

Why are you still in such pain? Have you been back to see the consultant? You can’t do on in such pain but your partner isn’t entirely unreasonable either. It must be tough for him too.

peekyboo · 17/11/2018 18:31

It's unreasonable to ignore the pain and suffering of your partner!

Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 18:46

I haven’t ignored his suffering at all it’s probably wat has been making me panicking all the time the thought of finishing work and going home to then be able to do nothing I’ve agreed to rent the house out I’m going to move back home with my mum and just try get better. I’ve got a scan coming up soon but I had to fight for it. Sadly removing the endo dosnt always work as it can grow back with each period and these injections keep giving me light month long periods and I can’t take the pill due to all the hormones making me throw up and not work

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Badliar · 17/11/2018 18:48

Have you posted about this before op? I remember that he keeps giving you grief as you haven’t unpacked all the boxes yet.

How much stuff is there to unpack? Do you have space for it all? Could you take him up on his offer to help you or get your mum over?

I think he should cut you some slack if you are in so much pain and exhaustion.

Don’t give up your job whatever you do.

Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 18:51

If I move out it’s probably the end for us I can see he’s frustrated about everything it’s hard for him but I do all the cooking the food shop bills and Won’t take any of that on still no WiFi after six months he keeps promising. I’m trying so hard every day to do little by little but for him it’s not good enough which I can understand I’ve cried every day for the last year I’m emotionally exhausted partner dosnt help with this. I had thoughts of cutting my ovary out last week it was so bad I nearly did I had the nife I thought if it all went wrong everyone would be happier with out me. I left the knife in my dressing table I admitted to my partner about it just now while he was yelling at me he just shrugged and said should of called an ambulance if it was that bad

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Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 18:52

I need to let my doctor no how depressed I am to but it’s hard when they don’t even care about the pain I’m in I’ve had to go pay to see a doctor privately but I can’t afford the second scan and need to wait till next year for Christmas money to come in so I can go in January

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Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 18:54

And no it’s not much at all just a lot of laundry bits here and there he has nothing at all really he came with a few clothes a laptop and that was it I’m only 24 I shouldn’t be this un happy

OP posts:
peekyboo · 17/11/2018 18:55

I meant that he was ignoring yours. He's being incredibly selfish.

madmum5811 · 17/11/2018 18:56

Go back to GP say you nearly took a knife to yourself the other night the pain was so bad. That should get things moving.

Oh and move back to your Mother, your relationship is not going to work while this is going on.

madmum5811 · 17/11/2018 18:56

Oh and get your mother to come to the surgery with you and raise merry hell.

Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 18:58

She has before but she started taking over to much and insisting I didn’t nead codine

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Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 19:01

And he won’t spend any time with me unless house is tidy he spends all his time at work and when he is home we argue he’s does occasionally throw things to when he’s angry never at me but I hate it

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PositivelyPERF · 17/11/2018 19:05

Go home to your parents, sweetheart and get referred back to gynae. This level of discomfort doesn’t sound normal. Only women with endo can understand the soul destroying agony of it. If he’s like this now, what would he be like if you ended up disabled or seriously ill later in life?

Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 19:10

Thanks Going to see my mum tomorrow

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FortyFacedFuckers · 17/11/2018 19:15

Hi OP I also have endo so understand how horrendous and debilitating it is, I am on some endo support groups on Facebook that are really helpful, if you try posting in them you will get some good support.

Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 19:17

I follow a few on Facebook just wish it would all go away.

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Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 19:21

Partners finally off out the house for a bit to supermarket can’t wait for some peace.

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PhilODox · 17/11/2018 19:27

You shouldn't have to live like this, it sounds completely awful for you Thanks Please, please go back to the GPs. Is there a chance they left something inside? It doesn't sound as though they got all the endorsement, perhaps?
You bf is a chump, and you deserve proper support.

Sophaloaf · 17/11/2018 19:30

Long term stage 4 endo sufferer here and I really feel you.
It really is hard on everything just this morning I was going on at my OH saying that I need more help again (really bad flare up)
It's exhausting working 10+ hour shifts on my strong ass pain pills, coming home and managing the house and chores and a 3 year old.
Sometimes I find it's easier to talk in bed with the lights off about these things. It's just always been my safe place my bed maybe try that. Really really explain what is going on and encourage him to do some research on it.
Have you heard of prostap injections? They put you in an artificial menopause and last year I actually had THREE WHOLE MONTHS pain free. I was like a new woman I could of backflipped I swear. There are a lot of women out there (Americans especially) who hate it and want it banned for the side effects (long term use can cause osteoporosis, general menopause symptoms) but I think with the right gynea and understanding it may be worth looking into? Mine won't open me up again I've had 8 surgeries over 7 years and everything is so stuck together it's not even worth trying anymore Blush

I really feel for you, try the bed talking and hot foot it to the gynea

Sending lots of gentle back rubs, morphine and choc x

Paddington23 · 17/11/2018 19:38

Thank you found a Nhs center near me going to try and get referred

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Ofalltheginjoints · 17/11/2018 20:10

Long term pain is awful OP, I have chronic pain myself and right now feel like I could gnaw my own limb off.

Firstly a break sounds a good idea whether that turns into the end of the relationship or not as right now it doesn’t sound like you get anything positive out of this relationship?
Glad your going to see your mum tomorrow.

Mine is a different kind of pain but would a pain clinic referall be an option? Worth discussing with GP as you shouldn’t have to be living like this.

Pain can have a massive impact on partners, my DP doesn’t fully understand however to be fair to him he can’t as he’s never experienced it (and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy) but he’s never thrown things at me even when I’ve been a total bitch to him, your partner sounds awful if your glad that he’s gone to the supermarket for some peace

OurMiracle1106 · 17/11/2018 20:53

Hi OP I suffer with endometriosis too (and it is suffer). Have you tried a TENS machine? Mine has done wonders coupled with regular exercise. I’m now off all pain meds only needing to take them on rare occasions.

BundyLancroft · 17/11/2018 21:18

OP, why doesnt your partner pull his weight? It sounds like he needs to get off his own arse and tidy and clean. Why is it all YOUR job to look after the house?

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 17/11/2018 22:01

I have this horrific disease too my partner dosent get it either i feel so worthless at a young age it affects everything n docs do nothing ur not alone n im with u ❤️❤️❤️

Paddington23 · 18/11/2018 07:22

Thanks partner should pull his weight more but he works until 8-9 some nights so dinner falls to me and often he lets me no not to do him anything. He also claims he will hoover if the floor is clear which nearly all are. He’s never once cleaned the bathroom or kitchen claims that if I cook and make mess i need to clean. What dosnt help is that I’m a naturally unorganised person I’ve really tried since moving in. This morning I’ve woken up early and just sat on the sofa watching border patrol. My back is killing me I’ve been in and out of sleep all night I’ve got stuff to do. My mums also away today and tomorrow:(

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