Ex's pregnant GF getting confused/purposely causing trouble

[MyShinyWhiteTeeth]

I get along reasonably well with my ex partner. He's difficult and I ignore most of his bad behaviour for the sake of our daughter. I've made it very clear to his GF that I never want to get back with him and that I am happy he has a new life with someone who is good with our child.

We got on well together and I preferred contacting her to arrange handovers. Since she's been pregnant she has started being difficult, getting confused and giving me the wrong details. It's been gradual but seems to be getting worse as the pregnancy progresses.

I'm starting to think this is deliberate. I feel a bit lost how to deal with it as it seems everyone thinks I'm being awkward, stirring up trouble and not making enough allowances for pregnancy hormones.

I also feel my child is being pushed out and is seeing less of her father.

I could do with a few pointers on how to deal with this.

Have you tried making arrangements with your daughter's parent rather than a third party?

If he can't be fucked then he can't be fucked and at least you know where you stand.

No experience of this at all.

However, I wonder if the arrangements are slightly complicated or change often?

Can you make plans very simple?

Good luck.

Part of her probably wonders what sort of father your Ex is going to be, if she's alrady left to instigate care during the time your child is meant to be with him.

She's probably exasperated.

Deal with your Ex, and let his partner get on with preparing to parent her own child, would be my advice.

You need to deal with the organ grinder.
Not his monkey.
You are enabling him to be a lazy fucker otherwise.

It's hard to have a simple arrangement due to varying shifts. We managed before but since the pregnancy it seems to just not work. I've got text proof previously that it's not me being difficult but then everything has been changed to phone calls.

I can't see how anyone could blame me or excuse her because the text messages clearly show what arrangements were made. His family got involved the last time but were spinning it as a mistake and confusion rather than deliberate.

I think she's trying to phase my daughter out and she's being excluded from family events that I'm happy for her to attend yet it's made out that I've made it difficult for her to attend them or that the pregnancy makes it difficult.

Could be hormones. Im heavily pregnant and hate some people for no reason

Sounds like she wants to rewrite your exes history and make it one without your dd.
Honestly you need to deal with him. Or she may succeed in her quest.

Everyone says it's the hormones but I worry about after the baby is born. Everything was great before. It's like she's a completely different person and I wonder if this is who she really is.

His phone is always switched off at work. He is unreliable.

How about a group what’s app do they both have the opportunity to see the same thing. You could say that it would be easier if all see the same thing as you realise she has a lot on her mind now so sharing the details first hand with ex can assure no mistakes in future

Additionally, if you know your shifts (and ex his) in advance, Sharing this, less opportunity for mistakes

Tell them any arrangements must be made by text message so they can be referred back to and arrangments are clearly made. My Dh has to do this with his ex as otherwise she makes up conversations that were never had or plans things an pretends she has told us.
Also I would say that if she is finding it difficult making arrangements because she is pregnant then your ex will have to sort it out with you its his kid after all.

Well personally I would slowly allow him to fall from his pedastal afa dd is concerned.
Or it will be you dealing with a disappointed little girl when he inevitably lets her down.
Flogging a dead horse if he is as flakey as you say.

You need to email or text him and say that due to recent difficulties regarding arrangements, you will in future be contacting him and not gf, in order that everything is clear and no further misunderstandings can occur. Eith tgat on mind, you ask that his phone be switched on.

At least this way you know where you stand. Always use text or email so you have proof. Better to deal with him and not her anyway - she isn't the person you had a child with and the father shouldn't be facilitayed to duck his responsibilities.

It feels like they want to blame me for messing up the plans and don't follow up on sending me work schedules. I ask for plans to be confirmed via text but they don't get around to it.

My ex was like this before which is why I preferred dealing with his new GF. They live around the corner. I can't force him to make more effort. My daughter is getting less bothered about seeing them each time she is let down.

If hes unreliable then why the FUCK are you having a baby with him?

He's my ex - he was fine when we first got together.

It is his GF who is pregnant not me.

Talk to your ex, say that you're concerned his GF is finding it a bit much dealing with arrangements so you'll be contacting him directly from now on - any time he'd like to see his DD he can contact you. Keep proof you've done this for your DD later on in case he blames you for blocking contact.

She wants your DC on the sidelines so "their" DC will take priority. Probably because she has already seen he is shit. It's a no win situation for your DC.....if you don't facilitate, he won't a d your DC will suffer . I feel for you.

It feels like they want to blame me for messing up the plans and don't follow up on sending me work schedules. I ask for plans to be confirmed via text but they don't get around to it.

Who is ‘they’ ?

The ex and his gf. It's last minute changes that they insist I've been told about and they disrupt already made plans that I've made. Or cancelled plans that haven't actually been cancelled.

We all keep saying we need better communication but nothing changes.

Send everyone involved a text saying that due to recent confusion you'd like all arrangements and changes to arrangements to be made by text.

Anytime you get a phone call changing plans, text both ex & GF (something like this): 'just to confirm the telephone call with GF today, she has changed Saturdays visit to Sunday and Ex will be picking DD up instead of me dropping off as usual. See you on Sunday. Thanks.'

Then you have a written trail of all changes made.

Can you arrange contact for the same day and time and place every week so there's no confusion and consistency for your daughter ?

Why don’t you set up a group whatsapp. Include your ex, the GF and one of their parents (the ones who got involved last time). Say “this group is for DD arrangements only. Things have been getting confused so this will help us all sort out and know for sure what is what. No phone call arrangements. All conversations and arrangements will now be made on here. Cheers”
Sorted.

Are you on good terms with ex MIL? Can she help?

Honestly it really could be hormones...I got lost pregnant on way to my office is worked in for a year. It was scary and I often forgot conversations and swore blind they hadn't happened.
I'd second dealing with ex only directly