So confused..fiancée has become a different person

[Missfelipe]

I’m so upset and don’t don’t what to do right now. My fiancé and I have been together for just over 6 years, engaged for 18 months and getting married next year. He’s always been one to be a bit grumpy on occasion as has a stressful job but usually quickly snaps out of it when pointed out.

The last few months have been a totally escalated situation. He is constantly in a mood. I will often meet him after work to travel home together and I am greeted with a face like thunder and snippy one word answers or he just totally ignores my questions. At home when watching tv he is glued to both his work and personal phone and I feel like I’m sat talking to myself. He’ll often ask about something I was talking about 20mins before. He takes no I interest in wedding planning unless I practically force it on him and I’m the one doing everything. He says he doesn’t have time and is busy but would never miss going to the gym or any other hobby. We barely have sex, he barely even looks at me or acknowledges me and I feel invisible. Last night I met him after work and again he was in a foul mood. We were on public transport and I was trying to lighten the mood by being jokey but again face like a slapped arse. By the time we got home I asked him what his problem was and he was angry and said I had ‘embarrassed’ him on the way home...i was gobsmacked and told him he was being ridiculous. It was such an over reaction.

I have no idea what’s going on...he’s obsessed with work and can’t seem to tune it out/say no to his boss so don’t know if that’s the issue but it’s so unfair to take it out on me. I’ve done the going through his phone thing to see if there is someone else and can’t see anything. Also he really is at gym when he claims he is! I’m really starting to worry what life will be like if he stays like this and even worry that if we have kids after our wedding he will be the same towards them. I’ve never had any reason to doubt our relationship before and we’ve been solid so I just don’t know what to think.

Please help 😔

Please don't make the massively huge mistake of marrying him. It will be a disaster. End it now and start over.

Have you thought about the possibility of addiction, to cocaine or similar? That can sometimes cause an abrupt character change.

OP, I don’t think it ultimately matters whether there’s another woman or not. The very fact that you’re having to consider the possibility, and that you’re not having your most basic emotional needs met, that you’re walking on eggshells round his foul moods, that there is no joy or happiness in this relationship, let alone love - all of these are massive red flags.
Please don’t even consider marrying this man. At this stage of your life the two of you should be besotted, happily planning your big day and honeymoon, all loved up and full of the joys. Contrast that with your reality. This man is showing you who he is. Believe him. Run.

Please don't marry him because he USED to be nice

May not be an OW. Maybe he feels this marriage isn’t the right thing and is being complete arse rather than confronting it.

Could he be depressed? How is he with his friends and family?

Whatever the reason, he isn't suddenly going to turn into your dream man after the wedding. This is who he is. It's been going on for months. Do you really want a lifetime of it?

If gym is such a big thing, is it possible he’s taking steroids? They can make people aggressive and change their mood. His attitude is rubbish. Does he look bigger than usual, as in muscles?

He’s probably having second thoughts about the wedding.

He's on steroids.

Sorry, pressed post by accident.

He's not cheating. You've checked. He finds his work stressful, yes. But you feel there was a turning point. That point was probably when he started on the steroids.

It sounds like either steroids or he doesn't want to get married but doesn't know how to get off the wedding train

He is telling you very clearly who he is - and he is not a nice person, from the sounds of it.

Marriage is not going to magically make things better - and if this is how he is when he is engaged, he will be many times worse if you have children - the early years are stressful for the most stable of couples.

Do you want your life to go on being like this? Do you want to bring a child into this atmosphere? Do you want to have to chose between divorce and single motherhood, or saying in a miserable marriage?

If the answer to these questions is No, you need to call it off. Better to do it now, when it it is relatively easy to sort everything out then later on when finances have become entangled and (possibly) there are children involved.

I would say to him “Your mood is awful most of the time, you are grumpy and unpleasant to me. I don’t think you want to be in this relationship any more, and I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t treat me with respect, so I think we should call it off, and you should have the guts to tell me you want out.”

Ugh he sounds like a right tosser... sorry

Personally I think he just sounds bored of you, harsh as that sounds,
Marriage? No way.

You know what take some time apart...it will give you both time to think, reflect and also miss each other. Hopefully being apart will get you both to appreciate each other. If not you know what you need to do. Dont force things to happen because eventually it will go tits up

Agree with crop there. This is the stage of a relationship when you are falling out of love and the other person irritates you so much you can’t hide it. Time to call it a day.

Did you get to talk with him when he came in? How did it go?

Hope you’re ok OP

Just don’t marry him! You are miserable now and it’s not going to improve with a ring on your finger.

Cancel the wedding and tell him the truth. That you don’t like how he is behaving, how he is treating you and speaking to you. And then split up. Find someone who thinks you are funny and who you don’t have to prop up mentally or emotionally.