So confused..fiancée has become a different person

[Missfelipe]

I’m so upset and don’t don’t what to do right now. My fiancé and I have been together for just over 6 years, engaged for 18 months and getting married next year. He’s always been one to be a bit grumpy on occasion as has a stressful job but usually quickly snaps out of it when pointed out.

The last few months have been a totally escalated situation. He is constantly in a mood. I will often meet him after work to travel home together and I am greeted with a face like thunder and snippy one word answers or he just totally ignores my questions. At home when watching tv he is glued to both his work and personal phone and I feel like I’m sat talking to myself. He’ll often ask about something I was talking about 20mins before. He takes no I interest in wedding planning unless I practically force it on him and I’m the one doing everything. He says he doesn’t have time and is busy but would never miss going to the gym or any other hobby. We barely have sex, he barely even looks at me or acknowledges me and I feel invisible. Last night I met him after work and again he was in a foul mood. We were on public transport and I was trying to lighten the mood by being jokey but again face like a slapped arse. By the time we got home I asked him what his problem was and he was angry and said I had ‘embarrassed’ him on the way home...i was gobsmacked and told him he was being ridiculous. It was such an over reaction.

I have no idea what’s going on...he’s obsessed with work and can’t seem to tune it out/say no to his boss so don’t know if that’s the issue but it’s so unfair to take it out on me. I’ve done the going through his phone thing to see if there is someone else and can’t see anything. Also he really is at gym when he claims he is! I’m really starting to worry what life will be like if he stays like this and even worry that if we have kids after our wedding he will be the same towards them. I’ve never had any reason to doubt our relationship before and we’ve been solid so I just don’t know what to think.

Please help 😔

We’re about around the 30 mark age wise

Does he manage to be civil and nice to everyone but you? Does he share his bad mood equally among family and friends?

Steroids?

MissFelipe: if his behaviour is driving you to suspect and check his phone with such details I'd say this relationship has no legs. I lived with a moody man, its hell and erodes your self esteem and you will be on egg shells. Sounds like he is being a coward and has checked out the relationship.

Try have a discussion with him, if he won't or dismisses you, you should really reassess things.

Is it possible something is going on at work? I just mean work stress, job insecurity or something.

I would worry he’s not really wanting to get married anymore.

He is treating you with UTTER CONTEMPT. He's treating you like something on his shoe.
No way on earth should you marry him op. This is a glimpse of what your marriage will be like. He has no respect for you. Show him you respect yourself by dumping him.

By all accounts his crazy work schedule is only resulting in him getting praise and rewarded at work.

Forget work, forget OW, concentrate on the fact that he is treating you like shit and making you miserable, if you were just dating would you honestly be putting up with this? No. Tell him!

If you've reached the stage of searching his phone then there is no trust left and it's over. Leave him.

Male perspective here. He wants you to chuck him.

Please don't marry this miserable cunt.

MissFelipe

If you were fool enough to marry this man you will end up in the divorce courts. Do not do that to yourself.

He has emotionally checked out here, there may or may not be someone else but this relationship is well and truly over now. Be kind to yourself and end this relationship completely. He is clearly not the man you thought he was.

Yes, the reasons behind his actions are by-the-by: the way he is treating you is unacceptable.

The next Qs are whether you will continue to put up with it, and if so, why?

Chances are high that if he is behaving like this before marriage, he will continue to do so afterwards, especially when things happen that are hard and / or when DC come along.

Sorry OP, but he's checked out of the relationship and doesn't have the balls to tell you. So he's acting like this so you'll end it and he won't be 'the bad guy'.

I think you should stop planning your wedding. Sorry.

IME some men either don’t really love you, or do feel love, but can’t or won’t behave in a kind and loving way, consistently, day to day, week to week, month to month. The mask slips, basically.

I wondered steroids too but it's his problem. Yours is his rudeness and nastiness, and whether you are willing to embrace it for life.

How do you know he's definitely at the gym? And could he be deleting evidence?

I agree he's wanting out. Or he's on steroids.

I’ve told him I want to talk when he gets in later. So sad 😔

Yes, it is. Do you have a date booked for the wedding? Hope not!

Yep all booked and plans all under way 😔

It doesn't really matter at this stage if he actually has cheated, the fact is that the relationship is not working. You dont have to stick with it.

Oh bless. But you're doing the right thing. You can't get married if he's acting like this.

Better now than in a divorce court. Sorry, OP.

If you give him the shock of threatening to cancel the wedding he might perk up and start trying to make amends. It might not last of course but think about what you will do if he does.

He doesn't want to marry you. He's being an arse so you'll end it and he can look like the jilted victim.

This

Hmm. My suspicions? There is another phone that you don't know about and very probably another woman kicking about. What you are seeing now is the real him and it hasn't got anything to do with 'pressures of work'. That's an excuse as old as the hills.

Gym eh? Yeah...