Just ended it... let’s support each other

[Fireandfury1]

Looking for a handhold if poss...
Divorced mum here, involved with divorced dad. DCs involved.

Ended it as too many red flags/uncertainties/insecurities. It was too rushed, he wanted DCs to meet, to move in. It was too fast.

He would pick me up & drop me when suited. It culminated in a talk about his sudden need to go away this weekend. Also, many female friends whom he made it clear he wanted to continue seeing/texting. It wasn’t clear what the nature of these friendships were. Unclear boundaries.

I never knew where I was. This eve I tried to have some space but he got annoyed as I wouldn’t jump to his call. He sent me a long message wanting to get in there first with ending it. I went to see him. Talked a bit, but he made it clear he wanted to sleep & he wasn’t sure if we are compatible anymore.

I am heartbroken. BUT

• better to learn now, right?
• these are not the actions of one who loves me
• the power struggles were too much: being criticised for my satnav/driving in front of his DCs
• the constant not-knowing of where I/we would be staying... his, mine, his, mine

Anyone else feeling a bit sore and sorry for themselves?

Hey Raging, I felt the same about you - whether I was projecting or being projected upon! I think there are merely some similarities in our stories. I recognise that this relationship repeats some behaviours I've had in past ones, and those REALLY turned nasty. I don't think this person is nasty like that. He is a kind, sweet person, but has issues given his tough childhood. He has worked through many of those. '

Yes, I think what is making me continue in this is the fact that 95% (even he gave this statistic to me!) of it is very, very good indeed with us both reporting feelings of peace and calm and happiness with one another. Sometimes the 5% is misinterpretation, or bad communication. I am learning what it is like to be in a relationship again, and also to interpret his behaviours. I have ASD so this stuff doesn't come easy to me.

I am focusing on the fact that he found this episode distressing, too. I don't think he intended to make it a pick-up-let-down, a lot of it is to do with what he would like from the relationship, too. We are partners and that needs discussion.

Thanks for thinking of me. We have carved out time to talk, which is a great way forwards. Hope you get some sort of resolution, too. You don't just chuck away a) this quality of relationship and b) this length....

How are things @Fireandfury1 ? Do you feel like you’ve got things back on track?

Hello! Yes!!! OMG yes. We had such a long and analytical few days. Deep discussion, a lot of reflection and covering a way forwards.

Thank you so much! Vvv forward moving now...

How are you?

Ah that’s brilliant. Similar here really, we’ve had some big talks and eventually come to realise that the good outweighs the bad, so we’re giving it another go.

Fingers crossed we can deal with bumps in the road a bit more sensibly next time.

@RagingWhoreBag I read your post when you wrote it, but was a busy weekend. Wow, sounds like you have sorted it, too? I know what you mean - the good outweighs the bad. We have to learn how to work on the bad. Fingers crossed for more sensible communication.

Mine - same. We have talked and talked and all is level and good again. But it makes you think, doesn't it? How best to live with another person, and, in my case, another person's trauma.

Wishing you the very best. Keep in touch!

Yeah we’re not 100% back to normal yet (whatever normal is!) but we’re both committed to making it work whatever comes our way. Fingers crossed for you too!

That sounds pretty good! Normal is just the routine, innit?! Same here, except I am balancing stuff out and doing what he usually does, hanging out, same type of privileges when I don't have my kids.... Think he is realising what works and not. He has def learnt from previous relationships and has bee making an effort. Hope yours, too! Fingers crossed, buddy!