For anyone who does not know, this below is a flying monkey
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_monkeys_(psychology)
Basically, the ex-narcissist in my life was friend who I finally made the break from some 10 years ago. I won't go into huge details but it was an awful period of time.... I spent 2-3 years trying to 'manage' the friendship because her intensity was overwhelming. When we originally became friends I could not understand why such a lovely woman kept falling out with people and why people qute literally crossed the street in our small village to avoid her. I also could not understand why people would refuse to speak to me and would avoid me if I was at a function and she was in the room. Anyway, I came to learn as most people who have narcissists in their life learn. The one time I put my foot down about her controlling me the full savage horror was turned on me. I refused to engage and so the 'friendship' was over.
Anyway, over the years there have been a few things with her. I have become fairly isolated and not very social as it is a very small village and I get alot of abuse from her still. She has rather successfully played the victim and if we are invited to the same event will either look at me with theatrical tears in her eyes, or will come up and hiss at me to just fucking leave'. I always ignore her and I doubt I have spoken a complete sentence to her in 10 years. It has affected me though, and I actively avoid anything she may be at.
Earlier this year I was invited to join a book club. We talk about books then have dinner, and I have been LOVING it. I told my husband that I finally felt like I was making some new friends and good friends and it was something that was just for me. DH works away alot of the time then has an intense hobby at home, so I am juggling full time work plus 2 DCs largely on my own during the week, and sometimes for weeks at a time. This was something that was just mine.
Last month the bookclub invited another member. I had never met her but one of the ladies knew her and said she would be a great addition. We had our session then had dinner and about halfway through the new lady suddenly stopped an exclaimed to me; 'I know YOU. I am a good friend of xxxxx and I have heard ALL about you'. She wasin drink at this point and she then told the whole table about how apparently I am a drunk and an adulterer and I committed adultery with my husband and so forth. None of these things are true. The table was silent and then someone else commented; 'Oh you know xxxxx. Always did like a bit of character assassination'. Then the conversation moved on.
Obviously I was shocked and distressed. It has given me sleepless nights but then I thought, well, anyone who really knows me knows it is not true. But then at the weekend I was having coffee with another friend and the flying monkey turned up and said hello to her. The friend asked if we had met and she looked at me and actually [sneered] and said 'Yes. I have met her. I've been told all about her' and then stalked off.
Our next book club is next week and I have been really worried. On the one hand I am furious that the bloody narcissist is defaming me (and it might explain why I have been dropped like a stone by friends who then become more chummy with her). But on the other hand the bookclub was such fun for me, I was enjoying it so much and now it has been ruined. My only 'plan' is to be myself and to act normally. But I can do without being sneered at again, and I suspect that the flying monkey will not ever understand the real situation until SHE manages to fall out with the narcissist...which eventually WILL happen. Some of us who have survived her (two others are in this book club also, but they fell out with her more than 20 years ago) have commented about how this person's friendships have an average lifespan of about 2 years.
But I don't quite know how to deal with this in the meantime.... and of course knowing what has been said about me is terrible.
I'd be grateful for any advice from people who have ha experience.