Is being married important ? And if you are not , what are the reasons why ?

[mozhe]

.....we have been invited to `a ' 20- years -since- we -met-party '... by a pair of unmarrieds...who didn't want to miss out on celebrating their achievement...It got me thinking

It's important to me.

But Dh often says we would still be together even if we hadn't have got married.

But 20 years together is an achievement whether they are married or not & does deserve recognition in this day & age

I am married - we did it for practical reasons and I never changed my name. The children have a hyphenated form of our surnames so most people assume we are not married. I am constantly amazed by the number of people who clearly find it a bit of a relief when they find out that we are in fact 'legal'. I really don't know why somebody else's marital status is of any importance to anyone other than themselves.

Juat haven't got around to it!Been together 12 years,2 small dcs.I guess it was wedding or get on property ladder,couldn't afford both(dp wants the "full works" I would rather go abroad for nice holiday and do it quietly)It's a stable relationship with the usual couple grumbles.TBH I think the biggest bond ever is having children.We may get around to it one day......

It's important to me - I like tradition, love my husband and my wedding was the best day of my life. I like the security it gives me and feel really proud when I refer to my dh as my husband - it's silly really but it makes me happy iykwim.

When we were getting married, we had a deposit paid on a house.

Dh had an accident at work & was off for 6 weeks. We couldn't afford the house & a wedding due to the lack of wages...

We wanted to go ahead & buy the house but my mam wouldn't hear tell of us living together unmarried

So we got married & lost the house.

Funny how things work out isn't it.

I loved our wedding day, but having my kids were the 2 happiest days of my life

I wanted to get married because I wanted my partner to give his all to me and me to him.

Thats it really. In my opinion, not everyones, just mine.

Having my boy was one of the worst days of my life shudder The pain, pushing, forceps - no comparison really

I am not married, 8 years 2 ds's. We just never got round to it. But then I was engaged to a previous bf and now know that my current relationship has more commitment and mutual trust and love in it than the other one had - by a mile.
Also, we both had our own houses when we met, bought before prices rocketed, so if we get married before we get round to selling both and buying a bigger family home, then we will be liable for capital gains tax, thats the reason he tells everyone we are not married
But I don't mind, he is so wonderful that I know I am going to love him for ever and ever so a marriage wouldn't change it.
Oh and I'm very much lapsed catholic so a church wedding would mean nothing to me.

Not married, never wanted to be. But together since 1981! That's longer that any other couple of our generation I knw - and as a matter of fact, longer than a lot of people on here have been alive!

In my case - no, because it would mean financial suicide. Security my . But that is to do with the French marriage contract.

Marriage is a legal contract between two adults. If you don't like the contract, there is no reason to marry. After all, a contract per se doesn't keep people happily together - being happy together is about reaching joint decisions that work for both parties, prioritising, working on the relationship, giving one another plenty of time and attention... some marriage contracts help with this (and I think that an English marriage isn't) and some don't.

an English marriage contract isn't bad

I really want to wait until I can afford a nice family wedding ( which will be in 2010 I have predicted!)

I know that most people will say that we can just go to the registry office and local pub afterward, but the shamless materialistic whore in me wants the works.
(we are going to marry in Majorca- where we met)

tiredemma - you are talking about the wedding day. This thread is about marriage.

oops- sorry!

er- really marriage for me doesnt really hold the same values that it may do for other couples- mainly because both mine and dp's parents divorced. I find it hard to see the importance of it when it clearly didnt work for my own family.

( will that do Anna??

I think it's important for the legal side for your dc, most other people recognise it and they have a different attitude towards you, it's better/clearer than saying dp - eg if you say husband/wife they know it's a committed relationship whereas dp could mean the same or someone you've been dating 6 months.

On a personal level it meant a lot to us, should have done it sooner.

tiredemma - I know what you mean, you are obviously already in a committed relationship so you are thinking about the day itself.

tiredemma - just checking you knew the difference ...

Though, if you are forming a couple when you both come from divorced backgrounds, I would have thought you might want to think quite hard about marriage/commitment

well we have been together 9 years and have two children, so im not overly concerned at the commitment thing- we are madly in love and just waiting till I graduate till we can 'seal the deal'.

trust me- if anything- we look at our parents and promise each other that we will never put our children through the same crap.

tiredemma - right .

FioFio - yes, I mean when people marry, having themselves had parents who divorced, I think that they would do well to realise that they perhaps didn't have a great role model of marital longevity to base their own behaviour on.

I'm 41 and I've seen a lot of couples split now, and it seems to me that it's easier to stay in a committed relationship when your parents have provided a role model of working through differences and difficulties... Some people I know have had horrible family backgrounds with multiple divorces and they still seem to think that they don't need to educate themselves/think about the skills they might need not to repeat the same pattern.

I think we all need to think about it, actually.

FioFio - obviously you are intelligent and have used your experiences to think things through

I've seen quite a lot of people whose parents divorced tie the knot very young - as if they were desperate to live in a married family again - without thinking through the implications.