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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband left me and our 2 kids

40 replies

Babycakes12345 · 11/11/2018 17:55

Nearly 3 weeks ago, my husband left me and our 2 kids said he didn't love me anymore he has only felt like this for 6 weeks, am really confused as he still hasn't taken all his stuff, and then he said to a friend he didn't know what he felt, I have just stopped messaging him the last few days as I want him back so much, our daughter is 1 in 3 weeks, we have only been married since July this please help I love him so much cry everyday I just want him to come home.

OP posts:
Diamondangel8 · 11/11/2018 17:59

Oh no sorry to hear this. Do you think he has had his head turned?

LIZS · 11/11/2018 18:08

Had his behaviour changed recently? Sounds like the grass may be greener elsewhere and he is hedging his bets.

nicebitofquiche · 11/11/2018 18:10

I feel so so sorry for you OP. What a cruel thing to do to you and the children. Do you have support in the form of friends and family around? Thanks

Original poster
Babycakes12345 · 11/11/2018 18:12

I've got no1 I stopped speaking to my closest friend as she tried to cause shit between us the other day, they is no1 else he works 15 hours a day and he said they is no1 and I believe him

OP posts:
Glasshalffull99 · 11/11/2018 18:34

Really sorry, but I don't believe him, and if he can just disappear on you and your children, is it seriously someone you want back?

LIZS · 11/11/2018 18:38

Nor me. Sounds like your friend may have had an inkling all was not well. Maybe ask her.

Butterfly44 · 11/11/2018 19:31

No love, you think he was working 15h days. This is very classic behaviour of someone who has been having an affair...No one ups and leaves their marriage and kids just like that unless it was a bad marriage and it doesn't sound like it here...you only just got married!
"He doesn't know what he wants?" That translates as - I'm still unsure whether to risk my comfortable familiar life for this other woman I've only just started seeing. Because it would all come out eventually.
What kind of friend have you got that causes trouble? - no friend in my book. Wouldn't be surprised if she knows more about the real deal.

Helpimfalling · 18/11/2018 19:27

How are you holding up op

Original poster
Babycakes12345 · 18/11/2018 19:50

Not good I spoke to him today and he is saying its over he has no feelings but then he started crying

OP posts:
Whiskeyjar · 18/11/2018 19:53

I feel so bad for you, OP. Horrible situation Thanks

Helpimfalling · 18/11/2018 20:03

I had the same happen in April after a few years and a child

I'm now much happier but some days are still so hard

BirdieInTheHand · 18/11/2018 20:08

How did your friend try and "cause shit"?

If she was in any way trying to warn you about him then she's likely a true friend and you should seek her out.

A vanishingly small minority of men leave without anyone else on the horizon. In all likelihood there is another woman. It's awful but prepare yourself

Original poster
Babycakes12345 · 18/11/2018 20:14

They isn't anyone else I know 100%, I love him so much I just want him to come back we spoke for over a hour today and he started crying surely that must mean something

OP posts:
BirdieInTheHand · 18/11/2018 20:26

Sorry to be blunt but say it's true and there isn't anyone else? Isn't that almost worse? Less than 6 moths married, a baby under 1 and he's been selfish enough to leave you for "no reason" WTF?

All the crying means that he is feeling guilty and wants you to feel sorry for him.

Pixel99 · 18/11/2018 22:50

I am so sorry OP. What a horrible thing for him to do, so soon after you got married and with young DC. I agree though with other people, please be wary about him and his reasons for leaving, should he return. Thinking of you and your DC. His crying over the phone just confirms he is a selfish & or guilty bastard to me. Flowers.

Ceilingrose · 19/11/2018 10:46

Pack his bags and help him decide. Don't allow him to dictate your future and use you as a backstop. If you're really desperate to get him back (which I don't advise as he'll be off again sometime) then you're more likely to succeed anyway by being firm and showing him you value yourself.

Zoflorabore · 19/11/2018 10:56

Op I sincerely hope you are right that there is nobody else but I have been on here many years now and have heard it all.
Where is he living at the moment?

It doesn't sound normal to me. Recently married? An expensive wedding?
A young baby and another child ( not sure on age ) and a new wife and then leaves.
For what? For who?

If this was you reading this about someone else 6 months ago, what would you think?

Has his behaviour changed in the time leading up to him going? Anything at all.

Right now you're in shock and are not rational but please don't beg him, he likely knows you will take him back if/when he decides to come home without question but why does he get to check out of the marriage/home/parental duties etc on a whim?

Ask yourself why he would do this. All of the hurt and upset and obviously the upheaval for the dc. Most people would stay in a relationship and try, even if unhappy.
I'm going through that myself right now.

The time when they aren't interested in making a go of things is when there is someone else. You don't know him like you think you do unfortunately Flowers

Original poster
Babycakes12345 · 19/11/2018 11:05

They is no one else I have access to all social media sites etc, I spoke to him last night he never mentioned getting divorced, never mentioned he didn't love me said he had no feelings but started crying, at the end of the day am not giving up on my marriage he wouldn't cry for nothing hasn't hardly cried since I met him 9 year ago, I just need to know how I can show him what he is missing and that the decision to leave was wrong, I have made his life hell for years and he had enough, I've got problems with mental health and anger issues which am now getting help with

OP posts:
FearLoveAndTheTimeMachine · 19/11/2018 13:01

just need to know how I can show him what he is missing and that the decision to leave was wrong, I have made his life hell for years and he had enough, I've got problems with mental health and anger issues which am now getting help with

Ah, this sounds very relevant, Shame you didn’t include in the OP.

Work on yourself, a partner can only take so much. Improve your own mental health and behaviour and even if he doesn’t return you’ll be in a better place to recover.

Helpimfalling · 19/11/2018 19:49

The best thing you can do my love is work on your self esteem and work on yourself and then see what happens and see how you feel I know it's easier said then done but it's all you can do coz when your going through hell you just have to keep on going

chidessman · 20/11/2018 16:19

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hellsbellsmelons · 20/11/2018 16:26

and he started crying surely that must mean something
It's guilt! He has probably had his head turned. Maybe not slept with her or anything but fancies someone else!?

Or.... it could be depression.
If he's had a lot to deal with as far as you are concerned then that will take it's toll.
And then working 15 hours a day will exacerbate that as well.
Would he consider seeing his GP to look into this.

For now though, I suggest you back right off.
Not 1 hour conversations over the phone.
He fucked off and left you.
That is not OK.
Work on yourself for now.
Keep contact to a minimum and only regarding seeing the kids.
He won't understand the loss of you if you are always there listening to his crappy manipulative crying!
Sod that. Who's listening to you!??
Is he???
I bet he's not.
it's all him him him right now.

chidessman · 20/11/2018 17:02

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ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 20/11/2018 17:06

reported

BishBoshBashBop · 20/11/2018 17:10

@hellsbellsmelons I guess you missed this from the OP before you went off on your incorrect rant.

I have made his life hell for years and he had enough, I've got problems with mental health and anger issues which am now getting help with

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