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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DV-you think leaving is the hard part. It isn't.

53 replies

Steakandkidney · 10/11/2018 19:08

I have 4 children, and left a DV relationship 3 years ago, 3 months pregnant. I did so when he started on the children, which was triggered by my last pregnancy.
Leaving was hard, I had to play the game to get him to leave. Total mind games. What followed was horrendous and I needed a lot of mental health support. It was the right thing but I'm shell shocked and will never be the same again, I'm dead inside.
What nobody tells you is how it is shit afterwards as well. There has been no golden future out the other side. I struggle through each day. I have had to give up my career this week and leave a job to go on benefits.
I have no friends. Because I'm always caring for the children.
I have no bedroom, because I'm overcrowded. I daren't leave them with a babysitter because they've already been abused in their own home and they are scared. Social services cannot offer support, neither can schools.
Now I've got his whole family messaging and ringing me constantly berating me for not letting him talk to the children.
After leaving I waited for the relief to come. It never did and life is just as hard now and always will be. My son tells his teachers his dad is an abuser. He has been left with anger problems. I'm dealing with an aftermath I have no clue what to do with.
I will never have a new partner, or a life in anyway. My ex is a bastard, but life without him is also shit. I'm the enemy to everyone.
Fuck it all.

OP posts:
Steakandkidney · 11/11/2018 17:31

I have been on the homestart list for 2 years, there's nothing. My DM is of the position that if you have a relationship with her, she can bully and slag you off to anyone you know. I can't take it any more and for 6 months I've been no contact, so I'm lonely but much calmer. My single friend is always there and I have people professionally that I can go to. They will be disappointed hearing I have left work though, and I feel embarrassed.
I know we are safe. I just don't feel safe. I can't explain it.

OP posts:
Steakandkidney · 11/11/2018 17:32

Trans-PM me your location!

OP posts:
Transpeaked · 11/11/2018 19:08

You don’t need to explain it: I know exactly how you feel. Your trust has been betrayed over and over and over again by people who were supposed to live and respect you. Heck, you can’t even really truly expect anyone to at the least play fair. It does this to you.

Will PM you

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