Please let me know if I am being out of order...

[deludedanddazed]

Hello. Quick back story. Have been with my partner for 3 years. During these 3 years there have been a handful of situations where he has been unfaithful. I have decided to stay each time and work through it. The latest situation being in June of this year. We are working through it and can honestly say that things have never been better between the two of us.

He is going out tonight to a big party where there will be plenty of ex 'flings'. I have been invited but do not want to go as I have not been feeling great recently. I have expressed to him that I am anxious about it and hope that he does not do anything to jeopardise us.

He then says that he is sorry that I feel like that and that he doesnt have to go to the party. I have said that I want him to go and have a nice time. I apologise for saying what I did and that I do trust him and know things are different this time. Then suddenly he turns. Says that he cant believe that I expect him to get with women when he goes out and that he is angry and upset at me.

I apologise another couple of times and say "I love you."

He says that he finds it hard to say I love you back at the moment because he is so upset and angry. He then says he cant do this.

Have I been out of order here? In my mind I have just tried to express my feelings and be as open as I can

Why are you possibly staying with someone who continuously cheats on you? In thr gentlest way, do you suffer from low self esteem issues?

And why are you now constantly saying I love you to this dude, when you asked a reasonable question.

His defensiveness shows he fully intends to cheat. Now he can say you were on a break.

I’m glad to hear you don’t live with him. Time to properly break up and enjoy life till you meet the right person. This fellow isn’t it. Stop wasting your time and energy on him.

No no NO. Dump this scumbag now. Don't let him twist things and make you apologise for not trusting him after he cheated multiple times. That's absurd! He sounds like a piece of shit so treat him like one and bin him now.

I would go to the party as a single woman.

You can do better than this surely? If you've been together only three years and there have already been a handful of situations, that is very bad news.

It's not just the cheating, he's treating you horribly. You've apologised three times for it? Told him you love him twice? And he refuses to say it back as punishment? Honestly you're all but begging him.

And what is there to work through? He shags other women repeatedly
It's a deliberate act. There is nothing to work through. It is what it is.

End this op. For your sake.

I'm sorry, but being cheated on a handful of times over 3 years sounds like a god damn awful relationship with no future. Please just get rid, and stop wasting your life on this person. I suppose the only positive is that you're not living with him.

Sorry, OP, but this guy's a scumbag. This isn't so much A red flag as the entire Chinese Army on the march under a sea of the things. Do yourself a favour and get rid of him.

You say that you are not living together.
For fucks sake don’t live together.As things stand you don’t have to kick the lying twat out.
It’s difficult splitting up with someone,ifyou live together it’s worse when you part.
From personalexperience I would never give anyone like that twat a second chance. You did look what he did to you.
Just my own opinion but if anybody says you need to trust them it’s time for alarm bells to ring.
Doubly so when they have shit on you before.
There are men who are faithful,just not that cunt.

Wow! You really need to work on your self-esteem and raise the bar. By a lot!

You're on this forum asking strangers to validate your relationship with this man. I think in your head you already know. I struggle to believe that in the 3 year relationship when you have highlighted that he has cheated numerous times that you have only mentioned your anxiety to him twice! Go with your gut and good luck with moving on. I'm sure there is someone amazing and wonderful out there who deserves the love you clearly have in you to give. You deserve that for yourself x

Thank you for your advice girls. He text back saying that he hopes we can move on from this and that he was sorry. I have asked for the weekend away from eachother.

He is still going to hook up at the party though, yeah ?

I think that's a significant risk any fucker, as I assume does the op

he's out of order 100%, how can he expect you not to be anxious and not trusting after he cheated on you multiple times? Honestly though OP, I don't think a serial cheater like that will ever change and I doubt you will ever get to a place where you won't be wondering if he's cheating every time he goes out

No, I mean that he hasn't suggested he not go.

As other PP have said, what are you still doing with this idiot?

He's going to cheat on you this weekend and use the argument as an excuse. 100%.

Dump him and get someone who will treat you like you deserve.

Ah, ok, af, i understand. I guess though it's a given than given the chance he will cheat at the party. Thr chance being a woman says yes. Because what's for sure, is he will try.

You should have chosen to interpret his "I can't do this" as him finishing things, and your subsequent "I'm not doing this either" as agreement.

He's a grade A twat who will now think he's got a free pass for the weekend, plus his safety net to fall onto if the other options don't pan out.

You are the only one doing any working on the relationship though, aren't you? If it was mutual, he'd be doing all he could to reassure you and regain your trust.

As it is, you are right to not trust him because he has proved 'a handful of times' that he can't be trusted.

You could have a relationship with someone trustworthy - but not while you are with this man. Where is your limit? How many times does he have to cheat for you to stop doing all the work? Because that's all that's going to happen - if he was going to change, he would have by now.

So he's cheated, repeatedly, and the women (plural!) he's cheated with will be at this party and YOU are the one being unreasonable to be concerned and YOU are the one apologising?
Seriously. Stop. Have a think and then consider doing the Freedom Programme. It will open your eyes to the twattishness that you are being fed.

Oh and dump him. Now. Tell him his shit is outside in a bag, block him and gather up any of his shite from your place and dump it outside. And if he had a key to your place, change the lock barrel asap Seriously, just get rid.

I honestly don't know how people stay with people that have cheated. I've heard a rumour before and that really messed up my head for long enough never mind if you know for certain he cheated several times. I really wouldn't waste my energy on him, what kind of life is that to live? Really?
He seems as though he is trying to control the situation and now make you feel guilty for your feelings and anxiety which HE CAUSED. Nahhhhhhhh .

He is a wanker.

You are suspicious because you have every reason to be suspicious!

Leave him, unless you want to spend the rest of your life apologising for things that are not your fault.