I’m early fifties, going through menopause. I’ve been feeling very angry for a while now, and most of it is directed at my DH. The anger has been there for a long time, simmering away, and now it’s coming to the boil and I can’t seem to dial it back again.
I don’t want to be with him anymore. I don’t hate him, he hasn’t had an affair (that I know of), he works hard. But he’s always put himself first in our relationship and I’ve had about enough. Last straw came this week when I found out he’d booked a table for two at a fancy restaurant in London. He works in London a few days a week, so clearly he was planning on having a nice night out with someone and that someone wasn’t me. This is just typical of the sort of thing he does.
We have a DD with autism. She’s now twenty, but for all intents and purposes it’s like having a child living at home. We can’t leave her on her own, she always has to have a carer if one of us is not with her. I have tried to keep my career going, but it’s been difficult, and there have been gaps. Last year I got a full time position but because of the problems with support workers, medical appointments and so on, I’m down to a three day week. Which is fine, I suppose but this is probably the last chance I have to get my career back on track and I want to go back to at least four days next year. He plans on going freelance next year, but claims he won’t be able to assist with our daughter.
I haven’t had a night away without her in about ten years. I have no family who can help out. I don’t go out with work colleagues or even attend the Christmas party. I feel utterly fed up with the load I’ve had to carry more or less on my own. And it’s not just being the primary carer for DD – I also do almost everything else to keep our household running. If my DH wasn’t around I’m sure I’d feel less stressed, less resentful certainly. He leaves everything to me. The only things he’ll do at home do are cooking, some food shopping (but not the boring weekly shop) and mowing the lawn.
He’ll arrange holidays for himself, but never for us as a family. He’s constantly buying things for himself, but I can’t remember the last time he bought our children birthday or Christmas presents. He arranges theatre and art exhibition tickets for himself, but the family outings are left to me. He’s never taken DD to the doctor, dentist, psychiatrist etc. He’s never taken our dog to the vet. What is the point of him, I find myself asking
I want to tell him to piss off, but I’m worried that my menopausal rage is clouding the issue. I’m not wrong in thinking I’d be better off without him, am I?