This is probably a familiar story, but here goes. So I'm in my mid-forties I've been with my partner for 12 years now, and we have 2 kids (aged 5 and 7), but we're not married. I look after myself and am pretty fit, and take care of my appearance (just in case you were thinking I'd let it all go!). I'm also a supportive partner (I believe) - I do all the cooking, lots of housework, ironing, school runs and lots of activities and homework with the kids etc. and run a successfull business which supports our family in comfort (not being a martyr, just saying I pull my weight). I love my partner dearly and she's a fantastic person and a fab mother to our kids, BUT she has almost no interest in sex. She did when we first met, and we had a happy, if not wildly exciting sex life until kids arrived. However, these days we probably have sex no more than 3-4 times a year, and even then it's brief and unadventurous. I on the other hand have healthy high sex drive, and would like to have sex 2-3 times a week at least, and for it to be more spontaneous and passionate (although I realise spontaneity is hard with kids around). We've talked about it, and she acknowledges the issue, but doesn't seem to think it's a big deal and is not interested in us seeing a therapist, or trying to re-invigorate our sex life. It's just not a priority for her, and I think she's forgotten what it feels like to have sexual desires. For me though it really is a big problem. I've tried to to forget about it (although that's practically impossible), and the lack of intimacy is really getting to me. We've become housemates almost. I don't want to have an affair, and I especially don't want emotional entanglement with another person. The idea that I might break up our otherwise happy family is too scary for words - I adore my wife and kids. So what do I do? Even if she does agree to more regular sex (which is not likely) it would be perfunctory and I would feel like I'm forcing her, which would be awful and a complete turn-off. So this is where it gets controversial... I work away from home (overseas) periodically, and have considered paying for sex (but haven't done it). Would this be morally awful? There would be no emotional entanglement, and provided I was with an older lady who was working voluntarily in "the industry", would this be such a betrayal? What is my alternative - leave the person I love and break up the family, and ruin the best thing in my life? Suppress my urges and lead an unhappy and unfulfilled life? I'm at a loss to know what to do.