DH over involved with his sister

[Overinvolved]

They are very close. She didn’t like me at first and was obviously threatened by my position as his partner. Fast forward 2 years and she has just about accepted me, mainly because I just let her get on with it and don’t rise to her dramatics.

She has a PFB, now 3. Every time DN has a sniffle or tummyache, off she gets rushed to A&E where she’s looked over by a doctor and sent home with reassurances that it’s just a cold/indigestion/etc.

Latest drama was this weekend when DN was rushed to A&E with “suspected pneumonia”.

Now, admittedly DN was poorly with a slight temperature and cough. But Sil was so hysterical that the entire family made their way to A&E for support. Despite reassurances from the doctor who saw her that it was just a cold, SIL demanded an X-ray as she claimed DN had stopped breathing several times during the night.

DN was discharged from hospital after an overnight stay and numerous tests, all of which confirmed the initial diagnosis of a cold. No flu or bacterial infection was found and

And...?
I fail to see where your husband is over involved so far.

I think you need to finish that OP!

You sound jealous.
She sound paranoid.

Both as bad as each other

Also you just moan about her in your post, no real mention of why he’s over involved.

Oops, posted too soon.

Anyway, long and short of it is that the story now is that DN “nearly died” at the weekend and only thanks to the fantastic parenting skills of his sister, did she pull through.

I’m so fed up of these dramas. DH honestly seems to believe the narrative SIL adopts where she is supermum and saviour.

I’m seriously reconsidering our relationship as a result. We don’t have DCs yet and I’m not sure I want to have them with such a drama llama.

Hmmmm. Isn't that an actual illness, seeking unnecessary medical attention for your child?

Oh she sounds a nightmare. My ex sil gave birth to the son of God. ...
The most pfb ever to exist.

Was glad to her rid tbh!!
Doubt yours will improve op!!

Hmm not sure I could put up with that nonsense. She may well ramp it up a gear if you have kids.

Trust your instincts.

Munchausens by proxy @ASAS.

It’s quite serious really. There’s not anywhere enough info in the OP to begin to expect it could be Munchausens by proxy but it could be a worry considering this bit: long and short of it is that the story now is that DN “nearly died” at the weekend and only thanks to the fantastic parenting skills of his sister, did she pull through.

If it is that, she needs psychiatric help. If I were you OP I’d stay well out of it.

I agree with karris

You've established you don't like her and she's anxious.

MBP bit dramatic throwing that around.

I don't think you can provide the help needed, but I think it is needed. Overdramatic visits to A+E could be at the expense of someone who could be treated sooner, with awful consequences.

If your DH is close to his family 5en you end up having to spend a lot of time with these people, if you feel like this I would honestly consider ending the marriage before you have kids.

My MIL put the nail in my first marriage, she was the third wheel and couldn't let go (and I don't think DH wanted her to).

Exactly @ForalltheSaints

Really?

Man is close to his sibling, grab your pitchforks!

You say you don’t have kids yet. Maybe you’ll change your perspective when you’re responsible for the life of a tiny person and you want to do everything in your power to keep them safe, even if that means being totally over dramatic at times.

YABU, but I don’t think you’re suited to this man or his family. Let him go.

Keeping your children safe and well has never involved being over dramatic in my ( longish) experience. Neither has it involved all my family/ ILS having to accompany us to every doctor/ hospital visit. Or needing validation after the fact.

To clarify, I am close to my family, stil close to my ILS long after divorce and new ILS also. You are not unreasonable. I'd be thinking again too.

Are you my SIL @CaptainCabinets?

Plenty of parents keep their children safe without rushing them to hospital at the first sign of a sniffle.

Your going to divorce your husband because your sil is dramatic. I think that’s a bit OTT

Um, no, I’m not going to divorce my DH because of his over dramatic sister.

I’m reconsidering whether we should have children together if he and his family are going to be so overly dramatic about a fucking cold. What if there’re actually real and serious issues?

Are you stressing over whether or not to have kids generally? You look at you sil and think you don't want to be like her which is fair because she's not exactly making parenting look fun.

Yes, that’s exactly it @Hazardswan

She makes parenting seem like such hard work and no fun. DH praises her for being a fantastic mum because she “knows how to control DN”. She sends videos of the two of them in a battle of wills over bath time - for example, how many duckies she’s allowed in the bath with her and it always ends with SIL giving her best stern voice and DN submissing in tears. But DH thinks that it shows how disciplined DN is.

It can’t be all such a weary and serious duty though. Where’s the fun and laughter?

Ahh that's a bit different than sil being over anxious/cautious. The discipline thing is if you and DH differ in those areas then it'll make life harder and I think your reasonable to question that.

Op your last post is weird. Limiting number of ducks in the bath

Yes, maybe that’s what’s bothering me deep down. I may be worried that maybe our parenting ways will clash.

SIL is very controlling. She is a classic bully and throws tantrums if she doesn’t get her way. Her family are scared of her as a result.

DH acknowledges that she can be a bit of a monster but excuses it as insecurity. And thinks she’s a great mum because DN is too scared of her to misbehave.

@Bababoo13

She’s only allowed one toy in the bath at a time because they take too long to dry otherwise.

Seriously, go figure 🤷🏼‍♀️

Repeat visits to A&E with a small child will eventually raise a flag.

Does they use terms like 'blue lighted' (or 'nearly blue lighted') , 'touch and go', and 'specialist'? I think it's about wanting to be at the centre of things and in control.

Also, whenever DN is poorly and gets rushed to hospital, if I even try to lighten the mood abdbrung perspective by saying “aww, it’s just a cold, she’ll be right as rain in no time” it’s met with thunderous faces from his family as if they actually want DN to be seriously ill.