DH over involved with his sister

[Overinvolved]

They are very close. She didn’t like me at first and was obviously threatened by my position as his partner. Fast forward 2 years and she has just about accepted me, mainly because I just let her get on with it and don’t rise to her dramatics.

She has a PFB, now 3. Every time DN has a sniffle or tummyache, off she gets rushed to A&E where she’s looked over by a doctor and sent home with reassurances that it’s just a cold/indigestion/etc.

Latest drama was this weekend when DN was rushed to A&E with “suspected pneumonia”.

Now, admittedly DN was poorly with a slight temperature and cough. But Sil was so hysterical that the entire family made their way to A&E for support. Despite reassurances from the doctor who saw her that it was just a cold, SIL demanded an X-ray as she claimed DN had stopped breathing several times during the night.

DN was discharged from hospital after an overnight stay and numerous tests, all of which confirmed the initial diagnosis of a cold. No flu or bacterial infection was found and

She sounds like life and soul of the party 😏. On another note do people actually dry bath toys ?

I hear you OP.

It would worry me too.

My SIL used to do this (maybe she still does). Once she was visiting her mum, who is a nice lady but gets pushed around by her children; PFB aged about 18 months coughed a few times, vomited, and looked a bit green. Mother was interrogated as to whether she had left ANYTHING lying around that PFB could have put in her mouth. The upshot was that PFB got xrayed in hospital for swallowing a coin/screw/needle/fatal object and Mother was tutted at for her carelessness. X-ray revealed nothing at all, but SIL and her husband did the whole ‘cant be too careful, we were very lucky this time, no thanks to Mum #miracle’ spiel. PFB is also over-punished IMO for minor infractions. It’s extreme and difficult to witness. Hurtful for MIL too, who endures the dramas when they visit.

What the hell is a PFB? These acronyms get on my tits

Oh wow @SnipSnipMisterBurgess that sounds EXACTLY like SIL!

She would rather put DN through the trauma of an X-ray than trust the doctors who try to reassure. Trouble is, in this day and age of litigatious society, the docs are terrified that they might get sued and so they comply.

PFB = Precious First Born

Controlling the toys in the bath to the point of tears, and filming it?!

She's sounds beyond awful.

FFS. Limiting bath toys, anfd filming it? Borderline abusive imo. I was a strictish parent, but choose your battles.

They sound unhinged. You are wise to be cautious here.

I wouldn't like it. Well your dh is sweet and kind but I couldn't be doing with this scenario at all. My mother throws sickie episodes for attention and a&E visit tends to be for constipation 🤔
It is important not to feed into it

God. You are going to cringe at this thread when you have kids, OP.

‘Sniffle’ - strongly suspect you won’t see it that way when it is your own child. And no, your DP isn’t over involved. You are jealous.

Hospitals don’t admit you overnight for a sniffle or because you insist.

Limiting ducks in the bath? Poor thing. We had a flotilla of ducks. And alphabet letters. And cups etc. It's meant to be fun.

OP - I don’t know why, but what I read in your posts is some sort of doubt or a fear about having children - not sure if in general, or with your H specifically..:.
And you are transferring that doubt, or subconsciously justifying it to yourself by pointing at our SIL...
And it snowballs in your head into something bigger than it is.

SIL - may be over cautious, but it is her child. And many of us did things with the 1st one that we laugh about later with subsequent kids.
Your H commenting on her being a good mother - she is his sister and he doesn’t have a kid himself.
No one knows what sort of a parent they’ll really be, until they have a child.
Ducks in the bath - sure, may be weird, but it’s not all of her interactions with the child, and in addition to that there must be other fun times.
Approach to discipline and levels of ‘strictness’ differ between parents. And there is no right way, and parenting styles can differ even within a family and it’s something that needs joint adjustment.
(However - i’d not recommend you start discussing and setting rules now - as I said - you won’t know until you get there which issues will be important)

Anyway - good luck, hope you figure it what you are struggling with

Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you have to be a hypochondriac.
I certainly don’t take my kids to the doctor every time they have a sniffle so I don’t think the OP is necessarily going to cringe in future.

PersonaNonGarter
I doubt she will cringe. Whatvshe is describing is bizarre. And her ILS are enabling it. I am a parent .

@PersonaNonGarter

Eh? What on earth would I be jealous of?

Parenting styles differ. Indeed. But posting interactions of discipining DC is also bizarre. Over toys in bath. Not something to worry about really. You don't need to be a parent to have an opinion on this either. Perfectly reasonable of OP to have her own.

Hospitals don’t admit you overnight for a sniffle or because you insist.

Not true. My uncle is in the medical profession and has expressed concern that A&E doctors are often pressured to admit non urgent patients, especially the young and elderly, because of the fear of litigation in case they misjudged the situation. In this case, a toddler has a cold and otherwise appears healthy but the mother insists toddler stopped breathing several times during the night. What if the doctor didn’t admit the child and it turns out they really did have apnea? Would you take the chance?

Do you and/or your DH have other friends with young children, OP?

Perhaps it would help to spend time with some parents who don't act like your SIL, so your DH can see that constant drama isn't normal and that most people don't take their 3-year-old to A & E with a cold!

I hope it works out for you, OP, people can't change their families, but with a bit of distance, they can recognise when behaviours are OTT. I've had to do that with my Dad - I love him, but he can make a drama out of nothing (and I don't go along with it anymore).

My ex was a bit like that with "we'll need to take him to A&E" for a slight sniffle... thankfully DS was my 3rd (his 1st though) so I just laughed & suggested we get the calpol out but he'd have been at A&E once a month if I'd left him to it & his family would've all traipsed along telling him he was doing the right thing.

As for the bath toys thing - I've never heard anything like it! My mum used to refer to me as a sergeant major when my girls were small because I was very strict & didn't tolerate bad behaviour but even I didn't limit bath toys to one at a fucking time.

Is she a single parent? Where's the child's father in all of this?