Update - found some shocking stuff

[Hattie78]

Further to my post yesterday, I’ve been tidying up today and found cannabis and a used condom amongst my husband’s things. I’ve also found some letters addressed to me that he’s hidden that reveal debts I had no idea about and that threaten the house.
I think this is now most definitely the end.

Oh I’m sorry xx I didn’t see your other post but have you RL support x

I do. Still shaking atm but will reach out if I need to. Thanks x

The final straw OP? I don't know how I could even come back from my top 3 dealbreakers all at once.

I just know he’ll try and fob me off and say I’m overreacting and try and explain it away but there no explanation here right? I’m not overreacting? For years he’s said I worry/overreact/get too stressed I’ve started to question what’s really worth getting upset over. Sorry if I sound stupid. I think I’m in shock.

Drugs, cheating and he's appeared to have lost your house. Yep, that needs to be the end.

I would tell him you want things to be over because you no longer love him. You will never get an honest answer about the used condom, cannabis or debt. So don’t waste yourself asking. Tell him you don’t love him after getting legal advice and serve him divorce papers quoting unreasonable behaviour listing all the debts when your ready.

While you're digesting this. Maybe first and foremost check both your credit scores. See how big this thing is re house. Practical stuff first.

Wow, I’m so sorry OP.

You need to get your practical head on hard as it is right now and phone up these companies that you apparently have debt with.

If he’s taken credit out in your name that’s fraud and you may have some recourse.

You need to be ruthless and honestly fuck his feelings you need to look after number one here.

Good advice from gamerchick and I would be challenging every debt you aren’t aware of with proof that you took the credit out and if they can’t provide proof it was def you I would report for fraud and name your d(ick)h as the crook- although I’m not sure if being married would change that.

Please do check your credit rating. Do everything you need to do to protect yourself against any actions he has taken! You will need a clean financial bill of health!

My DF nearly took my DM and my DSis with him when he went bankrupt. But DM said she had taken out the credit, to save him from going to jail.

DSis still hasn't recovered fully and wishes she had checked her credit score earlier and challenged some of the debts she had seemingly accrued. But she is getting there.

DM is still with him, still defends him!

I used to work in fraud so may be of some practical help if you want to PM me.

I’d send SAR requests to anyone you apparently owe money to and also to CIFAS.

He’s kept a used condom??

Also on a practical level I’d get a protective registration with CIFAS. Will cost you £20 or so for the year.

What a horrible shock. I agree with the others - focus on the financial aspect first. Find out when he took out loans (I assume) and how he persuaded them that he was you. I'd put in formal complaints immediately on those.

Who the hell keeps a used condom? He's a disgusting man, OP - it has to be the end if he's cheating and risking your own home.

I've no idea why anyone would keep a used condom but OP, you've had two posts in the Divorce board and this is your fifth on this board since 24 October. You already knew your marriage was dead in the water. The two of you haven't had sex in EIGHT YEARS.

Rip that plaster off, see solicitor, do the necessary and regain your life.

Haven't seen your previous thread - can you link to it?

Wassnme search for OP in Advanced Search (top)

Op, I have just looked at your other threads and it is clear that the marriage is over and that you want it to be over. So concentrate on the financial stuff.

As suggested by PP, check your credit file and see everything that is listed on there. I just used the following company as part of a MN trial.

www.totallymoney.com/free-credit-report/?m=MUM01&cam=promoted&utm_source=mumsnet.com&utm_medium=partnership&utm_campaign=promoted

If he has committed fraud using your name, unknown to you, then you are going to have to deal with it. You may have to report him to the police yourself, or the companies involved may do it for you. You are going to have to prove that you knew nothing about these debts.

Do you have a CAB near you ?

I haven't read your other posts, OP but I think this is now most definitely the end. - you think this is the end?

He's cheated, defrauded you of money and uses (if not deals) drugs. OF COURSE you have a perfect right to chuck his cheating lying arse out!

You are NOT over-reacting, you are not worrying over nothing, he has dealt you 3 dealbreakers in one. NO coming back from this.

Get rid, and check your credit. And def throw the book at him if he's got you into debt! Bastard.

I agree with others, legal advice, check credit score and report anything you didn’t sign as fraud.

but will reach out if I need to
YOU DO need to!!!
Do it today.
Reach out. Tell people.
Make this real.
People can then help you.
Keep all the evidence.
Photograph the evidence.
He's been gaslighting for you years.
Time for YOU now.
Stand tall, be strong!

Thank you everyone.
I’ve checked into the debt - he’s now paid it off so that’s a relief but to hide it from me when it put our house at risk is despicable. The letter was addressed to me as I’m on the mortgage so therefore liable.
The cannabis is unforgivable. We have children in the house and I can’t wven begin to think about the condom.
I’m going to ask him to leave for a few days so I can get my head straight and then I’ll talk to him but I already know I’m done.

How do you know he's paid it off - has he told you so or have you checked yourself with the debt companies? I certainly wouldn't trust him not to lie about it if he hid it from you in the first place.

Oh dear, triple whammy! Yes, you need time to think, and do you have a really good friend or relative who can come and stay with you for a bit?