If your husband said he was planning ‘something as a family’...

[Hattie78]

Hi
Things are very strained atm, there are a lot of problems in the marriage. Husband said to me on Thursday he’d like to plan something that we could do ‘as a family’ on Sunday so I thought he was making an effort.
If your husband said this to you, what kind of thing would you expect? I wonder if I’m being unreasonable for being very disappointed by what actually happened.
Thanks in advance.

That's crap. Sorry OP.

That’s shit, even if he’d done popcorn etc. I’d expect a day out, National Trust place or something. Sitting at home, playing on your phone while the film is on is minus bloody effort.

Blimey, this guy would never get a job as an Events Manager, would he?

A family movie day wouldn't disappoint me but that's because that's different to just sticking on a film and ignoring everyone on your phone.

A family movie day is all of you together with the kids snuggling in (possibly all of you wearing pyjamas) and the person who suggested it having got nice snacks and drinks or having made a lovely lunch/dinner. All of you have picked a film or two that you all want to see.

I'm sorry Hattie. It's horrible when a relationship breaks down (especially when kids are involved) but can I tell you something (it can be horrible in the middle/soon after the breakup but that eventually passes) it can never ever be worse than wasting precious years of the very few years we get on this planet on a relationship/job/friendship/situation etc that makes you miserable. My bet is hardly anyone on their deathbed looks back and regrets leaving but I bet lots regret staying.

It might have been better if he had tried to make it special by getting popcorn, ice cream and making hot chocolate and all snuggling under a blanket or something. He sounds like an arse. We're the kids disappointed?

Thanks everyone. I will talk to him but not today as I’m too emotional and pissed off so it won’t go well.
It’s pretty much the last straw anyway...

No wait until you've had a chance to calm down and had proper think about what you want to say but actually also what you really want.

Hattie....I hear you. My ex H only ever put effort into stuff he liked. Incapable of doing something for the family if it meant him doing anything he didn't want to. Basicly a selfish arse whose needs too trumped the family's. I wasted 20 years plus.....don't make that mistake x

how sad for his kids and you

seems like this is last in a long line of things-hope things work o9ut for you

my dh never plans anything let alone suprises but hes always been like that im quite excepting of it

Aw, op. Totally feel your disappointment and sadness, the realisation that without you making all the effort all the time, there is no relationship or love left.

My story which might make you smile, the last summer hols before I called time with my stbxh, he made a big announcement when school broke for hols saying he was planning some big family days out, I was amazed and really excited (he never bothered organising anything before).
At the end of the summer hols, predictably, nothing he planned materialised and when I asked what these 'big family days out' were, his answer, I kid you not, was 'I took dc to my mums twice and took her food shopping in Morrisons'. Yup, a summer holiday family day out was him taking his mum grocery shopping, and I wasn't even there!!. Good job I planned, organised and paid for a proper holiday abroad for all of us, including him.

So sorry, op, some men are just lazy fuckwits, happy to completely take a woman for granted.

I don't know if you are thinking of marriage counselling or just separating, but please know you are waaay stronger than you think.

That's crap OP! I would have expected you all to leave the house and be doing something together elsewhere.

Why do you need to plan to stick a DVD on?????????

That sounds like my dh’s idea of a family day. But to fair at least he doesn’t get my hopes up by telling me he is planning something.

I do feel your pain though OP. Dh had 2 days off over half term and I had to plan what we were doing otherwise we would have stayed in the whole time. And I was a bit fucked off that I am v heavily pregnant, had had ds on my own the rest of the week and would have exprected him to take him out and let me get some rest while he was off. But no.

I'd be disappointed too :(

Yep my DH would do this and probably walk away half way through as well.

That’s really shit. Sounds like he opts out of a lot of family life.

How are things today Hattie78?

He moved out last night on the strength of what I found yesterday (see other post) and the boys haven’t even noticed he’s not there. I’m feeling every emotion under the sun all at once. Solicitor booked for tomorrow so I can explore my options. Thanks for asking x

sorry to hear that didnt see your other post hope you get through this

What other post? Hope you are ok..

Have some more and some

I saw the other post. Cannabis, hidden debt and used condom. Hope you can get head spaceto decide on the next steps!

Oh goodness I saw your other thread but I didn't realise they were both yours.

I'm really sorry Hattie I know this must be horrible for you! but actually in the longer term I'm happy and excited for you. I can imagine a few years down the line you will be possible on someone else's thread telling them this was the best thread to ever happen to you and you wouldn't give up your fabulous new life for anything.