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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If your husband said he was planning ‘something as a family’...

72 replies

Hattie78 · 04/11/2018 19:01

Hi
Things are very strained atm, there are a lot of problems in the marriage. Husband said to me on Thursday he’d like to plan something that we could do ‘as a family’ on Sunday so I thought he was making an effort.
If your husband said this to you, what kind of thing would you expect? I wonder if I’m being unreasonable for being very disappointed by what actually happened.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

VioletCharlotte · 04/11/2018 19:21

If my ex had said this, it would mean her plan something he wanted to do, and we'd all have to tag along. Not that I'm cynical at all!

Oblomov18 · 04/11/2018 19:24

OP?
What did he arrange?

Charley50 · 04/11/2018 19:24

Did you all go together to a different supermarket than usual?

Original poster

Hattie78 · 04/11/2018 19:25

Wow! So many responses. Thank you.
He has never said this before. I always plan everything and often execute the plans with the children without him as he frequently doesn’t want to come - this is one of the (many) problems in the marriage.

He put on a film. That was it. And he didn’t even watch the bloody thing - he was on his phone the whole time.
I’ve just cried all the way through the washing up. I think my marriage is over (not just because of this obvs!)

OP posts:

LizzieBennettDarcy · 04/11/2018 19:26

I wouldn't expect a day out as such but I'd expect watching a film together/getting games out etc. Do something that we all liked.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 04/11/2018 19:27

X post. That's shit OP.

Original poster

Hattie78 · 04/11/2018 19:29

If we’d all watched it together that would have been slightly better. It’s the fact he said mid-week he wanted to plan something. I was expecting a little more...

OP posts:

ILiveInSalemsLot · 04/11/2018 19:31

That is rubbish.
Have you told him how disappointed you are?

hidinginthenightgarden · 04/11/2018 19:33

The only way this would have been good would be if he had gone to the effort of getting cinema snacks, darkened the room and got a blanket to snuggle under. Anything less and it was shit!

Dermymc · 04/11/2018 19:33

That's shit. Sounds like you need a good chat.

hamzilla · 04/11/2018 19:33

He turned the telly on, essentially. Wow. I completely understand your disappointed.

I'm not surprised to read there is more here than just this event and I'm sorry you've come to the realisation that your marriage is at an end. Do you know where to go from here?

Petalflowers · 04/11/2018 19:35

A film is fine if it was a family film, and popcorn etc was provided.

Petalflowers · 04/11/2018 19:35

However, the lack of effort and not watching it is out of order.

Atalune · 04/11/2018 19:35

That’s lame.

What a shame. Counselling?

HerRoyalNotness · 04/11/2018 19:35

Oh bloody hell. Even if a movie at home was all he could think of he could have done some popcorn and got in some candy for the kids and soda/other treats to go along with it, and make a bit of bloody effort!

My DH doesn’t plan anything much either so I get how rubbish that makes you feel.

LovingLiving · 04/11/2018 19:37

It’s not the same watching a film with someone who is not actually watching it.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/11/2018 19:38

He turned the telly on, essentially.

Exactly. That’s shit, OP. So sorry.

appleandpears · 04/11/2018 19:39

Sorry OP, but maybe he actually needs some ideas- maybe this is his default re an activity and he’s trying to make an effort? Or what he originally planned couldn’t be sorted? Did you say you were disappointed- if so, was he surprised by that/genuinely thought he was doing a great family thing? If the kids enjoyed it, maybe it was a step in the right direction and next time he ‘plans’ something, who knows how you could end up spending your day?

TokyoSushi · 04/11/2018 19:39

A film that you were all really looking forward to, popcorn, blankets, treats etc, yes

Just putting a film on with nothing else, not a significant film and then sitting on your phone, no

Reastiepeace · 04/11/2018 19:40

If he got a dvd and popcorn especially and watched it with you than I’d think that was perfectly acceptable but if he didn’t even sit to watch it...

Belindabauer · 04/11/2018 19:42

That is crap, sorry.
If expect to be taken somewhere that all of you would enjoy, probably the children more so. So theme park, cinema to watch a kids film, zoo,park,
ice-skating, family meal or just somewhere nice to walk/explore.
Anyone can put a film on and walk off, that is rubbish.

Rachelover40 · 04/11/2018 19:45

Sorry you're disappointed . I would have been too. Expected a day out somewhere including lunch.

Maybe he doesn't have much imagination, perhaps never had good days out as a child so doesn't understand them.

Hope you told him how disappointed you were and described your expectations.

CoolCarrie · 04/11/2018 19:51

FFS no wonder you are pissed off! Sorry he is such a thoughtless arse.

lovetherisingsun · 04/11/2018 19:51

Doesn't seem like he gives two shiny shits about his family :(

kawla · 04/11/2018 19:53

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