My daughter got married recently. She's nearly 30, lived with her partner and they paid for their own wedding. They both decided to have a child free reception although children would be welcome to the ceremony and in the official photographs. They wanted a fun, party style reception and thought adults would have more fun without having to worry about their kids.
Our rather large extended family has always invited all and sundry to every event so I expected there would be a few unhappy people. I let them all know personally a year out that kids would not be invited to the reception.
My sister was absolutely livid. She had a 8 year old daughter and she insisted her daughter must be invited to the reception.
I let her know that even the grooms 3 nephews were not coming or my husbands nieces but she said she didn't care. They weren't as close as her daughter was. I tried reasoning with her and reminding her that my daughter was actually very close to my husbands nieces but she refused to accept this. She said I should "make" my daughter listen to me and invite her 8 year old cousin. I told my sister another 13 children weren't invited as well. My sister said she didn't care and her daughter was important and that's how things have always been in our family. I agreed that more often then not that was true which is why I was giving her a years notice. She refused to back down and we didn't speak about it again and I hoped she'd cooled down and accepted it.
My daughter sent out invites and got every rsvp but my sisters. I called her up to ask if she was coming and she said yes. So great huh?
Meanwhile it began to get back to me that she had been complaining to all our extended family for the last year and my mum even asked me to "tell" my daughter that she had to invite my sisters child. I even did ask my daughter to consider inviting all the children just to smooth things over. We couldn't just invite my sisters child as that would make all the other parents, who had older children and been very good about it, feel left out. My daughter thought about it but ultimately said it wasn't what they both wanted for their wedding and truthfully the restaurant was too small for another 2 tables to be added to accomodate 14 children.
Week before the wedding I called my sister and she began to have a go about her daughter missing out and refused to listen when I reminded her it was not her wedding and we were supporting the bride and groom who had decided this after putting a lot of thought into it.
Day of the wedding arrived. Sister made a scene during the photos and stormed off saying if her daughter wasn't there she wasn't going to be in the photo. I told her several times over the past year that her daughter was welcome to come to the ceremony and be in photos. Sister didn't come near me or my husband even though we had sat them on the main table with us and our mum and siblings. She played on her phone during the reception and then had a loud argument with her partner outside which 15 guests witnessed. Then she and partner left early without even saying goodbye.
She made my husband and I feel so miserable on one of the happiest occasions of our life. We have basically not spoken to them since as she feels she is fully justified and my extended family are backing her indirectly by agreeing that her daughter should have been there as it's what "always happens" and the bride should have invited them.
Am I totally wrong to be fed up with her and her behaviour? I basically have very little interaction with any of my family now as when we are all together it's very awkward