Been with partner for three years now living together for two. I have a nine year old son.
First year we were together DP was absolutely wonderful..., great with my son, talked of definitely getting hitched and having babies. I was 31 at the time and not in a major panic for any of those things.
As we enjoy alternate weekends where my son goes to his father, DP starts to suggest a reluctance to have babies ‘yet’ as we’re still getting to know each other and having fun etc. I have a second smear come back as needing treatment so I feel okay in waiting a bit longer anyway.
DP starts hinting that DS living with him wasn’t easy to begin with and he felt my parenting was lapse and I needed to be more hard on him etc let him go out to play by himself.
I have a conversation last year about getting on with babies or getting engaged or whatever and DP is coy about the engagement thing saying he’s not old fashioned and wouldn’t mind being proposed to. I ask him to marry me and he laughs it off and we talk about having a child and that is now a definite NO. Said the thought of it terrifies him and will never want them.
He’s strict with my son which is not necessarily a bad thing in itself as my sons dad is useless and let’s him do whatever he wants
Honestly this man is a good bloke, he wants the best for my son (but can be hard on discipline as he was raised by a tough single mum) he comes from a big family where he had to help with child rearing, so I understand he can’t be bothered with having kids and he’s already lost one long term gf because he didn’t want children and she did.
I’m now 35. I consider him the love of my life, my best friend. He doesn’t really want to do much with my son, but my son doesn’t want to do much with him either so we don’t really have family time. My son is happy, well adjusted and his behaviours much better since we’ve lived with this man. He’s a loving funny kid. I wanted more of a step dad figure but my OH said he simply cannot be the ‘perfect stepdad’ as he finds it too difficult but he does try. I was a step mum for many years too and I understand it’s not easy to begin with.
At 35, I’m struggling with the concept of leaving just to find someone else. I’d be fine single, I’ve done that before as a single parent and I can cope. I also have inheritance money to get my own place. He’s told me if I want to leave and find someone who can play daddy for my son, marry me and have more babies I’d better go. The marriage thing we can’t even discuss anymore as he feels women just try and trap men and he doesn’t know any men who are happily married or happy fathers.
When he talks about the future he discuss ‘his’ house or whatever, as I haven’t got my name on anything, he makes decisions without consulting me and I find it hard to say anything. He then tells me to ‘man up’ and say what I want.